Blogger FAIL!

I apologize. I have not blogged in over a month. I never provided an 11 month update and now we're about 8 days away from the big 1...YEAR that is!!! I've had no Wordless Wednesdays. No Thankful Thursdays. Nada.

EPIC FAIL:o(

And there really is no good reason. There are two really bad reasons. 1) I'm lazy. I've updated my 101 blog several times since then because it's so much easier to just jump on, make a few notes and move on. I also like crossing things off of my [internet] list, so blogging over there makes me feel more accomplished. 2) I have been in absolute denial that my child is about to turn 1 years old:o/

I'm not talking "Oh, my baby has gotten so big, she CANT be one yet!" I mean...I literally put off planning a birthday party for her until Sunday night when I FINALLY hashed things out with the hubby and then [insert tackiness here!] sent a text to our family and few friends who we want to come hang out. Flame away! A text invite...as my bff said "klassy!" But even with that, a part of me is saying "It's not really a party. Autumn won't even understand what's going on. It's more like a get together, a hang out, which we usually do with the family and we're just adding a few others for the day." But the realiziation is that this is a party - it's to celebrate my baby being a whole year and the fact that Shawn and I survived this whole year! She will have a cake. And, though I've told people that she really needs NOTHING, there will be gifts. We will sing "Happy Birthday" and the monkey will smash her cake.

I'm.throwing.my.child's.first.birthday.party.

I must come to accept this and yet I hate it. I HATE IT.

We all wonder Where does the time go? And I wonder How did people ever remember a thing before photography and videography? I cannot for the life of me remember pregnancy or my big belly. However, I remember EACH and EVERY detail of her birth. It's disturbing. But after that...I'm clueless. Thank God for pictures and videos because I look and say Oh yea! This year did have a lot happen - our first trip to the beach as a family, ditto with the mountains of NC and TN, all the fun swimming she did in the summer, her first Halloween, meeting Grandpa, our first Christmas, our first visit to NJ to see all our family and celebrate New Year's, etc etc. But I can't remember her being my baby. And then I see videos or pictures and I miss my baby. And then I look at this little ball of energy who likes to crawl and pull up and snuggle and play chase and I ADORE her.

I.am.torn. I want my baby to stay a baby, but I can't wait for her to grow up and see all the wonderful things she's going to figure out and do. Oh the dilemmas of parenthood. Mom...Dad...I get it. I absolutely 100000% get it now. And it's the coolest, yet most heart breaking thing to deal with.

And so that's the truth people. I've been in absolute denial and have refused to come to this blog because I have not wanted to even think about my little girl turning a year so soon.

And now that my sad and pathetic story is done....I'll put up some WW pictures tomorrow so you can see how she's grown. And then this Saturday is her party so I'm sure there will be some fun pictures from that, too.

SO I better finish...

12 Days of Christmas...and Christmas is here....feh!

I actually haven't posted because I just cannot come up with a #9. Maybe the bff will come up with something creative.

Day 10...The TEN cutest little baby toes on my daughter. I love baby feet. It's just an obsession (ok, maybe not that bad).

Day 11...The "Hickey" Family has grown to ELEVEN this year with two births and a wedding. Here's the rundown: Daddy, Diana & Adriana, Billy & Debbie & MADISON, Nancy & Shawn & AUTUMN, Tommy & KATIE. It's been a big year! Can 20ELEVEN top it? We'll see...

Day 12...TWELVE+ years of friendship with my bff, Becky. It's actually more like almost 15 years, but once you get past a dozen, I think you're in it for the long haul! No matter what, we always seem to just "get" each other. We're always there for one another and we both know that will NEVER change. Our friendship is part of the foundation of my life right something that keeps me grounded, keeps me hanging on, and keeps me standing tall during the rough times. Our friendship defines a very big and very important part of my life - just thinking about life without her, I don't know where I'd be. I've got the most awesome friend in the world (be jealous!) and on this Christmas Day when I count my blessings, she's up near the top of that list! LOVE YOU BOO!

Christmas is almost here!

So I should catch up!



Re-do of Day 5...as my bff pointed out I have FIVE am an aunt or "aunt" to five kiddos! Adriana is the oldest, the daughter of my big sister. Turning 16 on Wednesday!!!! She's a bright and fun young lady with an exotic sense of style (like all kids these days it seems). Taylor and Dalia are Shawn's nieces, which makes them mine as well. Taylor is 12, soon to be in her teens, and Dalia is 7. They're both happy, smart and two ofthe most well-behaved and caring young ladies I know. I absolutely adore them! Next oldest is Caleb! They only boy in the group and not really "mine." As my bff's son I am his honorary "aunt" and boy, do I love this fella! I love his rouch and tumble, all-boy attitude. I love playing with him and tickling him. I LOVE that Autumn has spent a good amount of time with him and he's so good with her...most of the time;o) As much as a boy toddler can be good around a baby! I just wuv wuv wuv him! And the youngest of my little gang is Miss Madison! My big brother had his little girl in September and she is such a good baby! She has these chubby cheek you just want to pinch every time you see her! And she's such a good sleeper...but that will change....sooner or later (or at least I keep hoping b/c I really think it's unfair that Madison sleeps through the night and Autumn does not). I love the fact that Autumn and Miss Madison are close in age and I hope they will grow up together and be great friends!

Day 8 - EIGHT years since I met my "girlfriend" Jessi! Are you reading this lady?! Here's a brief history of our time together:
~I had a donut, she bit my finger...fast friends
~Karaoke & frat parties...and some more karaoke
~We went driving around looking for Mahwah
~She dated & married little brother...then got divorced from little brother....odd? just a lil bit!
~we had our gall bladders taken out within a year of each other
~both our mommies passed away too soon
~she chillaxed in NC for awhile & nannied
~now she's my faraway "girlfriend" in NJ, but I miss her & love her & when I come to NJ after Christmas I better see her!!!!

There's a lot missing. A lot happens in 8 years, especially when it includes college years and a brief stint as a legal part of the family....life is definitely not short of interesting when you put the two of us together. We can hang in a diner all day and night, drinking coffee and being absolutely ridiculous. And we can be on the dance floor til our legs give out. She's my "crazy" half...the side that reminds me to have a good time and relax. Sometimes I'd go back and relive some of our college days (but definitely not all of them! ). Eight years down....and MANY more to go!

12 Days of Christmas...catching up with me!

Day 5 (12/13)...I've been trying to come up with a "five" thing in my life and I'm stuck. Except for these 5 wonderful fingers allowing me to type write now. So...what's your five?! The "FIIIIIIVE GOLDEN RINGS" part of the song was always the most annoying. Don't you think? And who wears give golden rings at once?!

Day 6 (12/14) - (almost) SIX years with Shawn! I can't believe we haven't killed each other! Each year has gotten better, but each year has also had it's trials and obstacles to overcome. Life gets harder as time goes on, but we find ways to keep each other laughing and happy. I love him. Lord knows there are days....(for each of us I'm sure!) but he's the greatest father and a wonderful, supportive husband and I look forward to many many more years together:o*

Day 7 (12/15) - SEVEN years of college education and I'm finally graduating! I started in 2002 and I'm graduating in 2010. Yes, that's eight years, but I took one entire year off when I moved to NC to get in-state tuition. Going back to school was never an issue, I always knew I was going to do it. The difficulty in going back part-time since 2005 has been great. It's hard to juggle life around school or school around life...depending on which is carrying a greater burden during the week. Add planning a wedding, enduring pregnancy, and then parenting an infant into the mix and you have my last few years at NC State. I can never do anything the easy way. But I chose my path and I'm all the hard roads made me a better person for it. Do I wish I would have stayed at Ramapo in NJ? It's impossible to answer. I would have had my degree sooner, but I may not have the life I'm living now. Only God knows where I'd be. It very well could have been a different life and a happy one, but from where I'm standing now...I LOVE what I have and wouldn't go back and trade it for anything. THANK YOU to everyone who has helped me achieve this goal. Without the support of family and friends I would not have been able to graduate this year. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Day 8+ coming soon...

Wordless Wednesday.