Let's get some things straight first. I don't believe in abortion. I do believe life begins at conception.
But to say I'd never get one means that I never predict that I'll ever be raped and get pregnant. Means that I never expect myself in a life or death situation in which I might have to choose between the fetus or myself. Means my doctors will never tell me that something has gone wrong in my pregnancy in which termination of the pregnancy might be the safest, only, or logical option. Means I never expect to be told that my child has abnormalities or defects that would make life horribly cruel. Means that, despite birth control methods I ended up pregnant at a very wrong time in my life and bringing a child into this world just seems impossible. And many more possibilities...
Never say NEVER. Even with my strong beliefs, I cannot say NEVER because I have not been presented with the some of the experiences mentioned. And I cannot say for sure, given any of those circumstances what I would do. I like to think I know the choices I would make, but none of us really know until the choice is presented to us.
I believe in life. I believe conception means a child, a human being. I believe abortion is killing a child. But I also believe that God and only God has the right to judge us and our decisions. I believe in forgiveness. And you can bet your ass that I believe this is a PERSONAL and PRIVATE choice.
Unfortunately, unless you have the education and the financial resources, it's still personal, but not private.
In an age of technology and information we'd like to believe that everyone has access to knowledge about birth control, sex, stds, etc. It's called SEX EDUCATION. But people think it's not proper to have in schools. Let it be taught at home. Seriously...HOW MANY OF YOU TALKED WITH YOUR PARENTS ABOUT SEX?! If you had parents like that, consider yourself lucky. I didn't. It was a taboo subject. And school was the only place I got this information. For those who don't have school or parents, there's peers. And as sex seems to become a topic for younger and younger children, one can only imagine the twisted and incorrect information that gets passed around. Luckily there are people who in the community who try to reach and educate others about these things, one of them being Planned Parenthood. Besides education, community organizations like this also provide pregnancy tests, screening, checkups, and sometimes...yes, abortions. For who? Usually people who don't have the financial resources to get information or help from private physicians.
If you're a judgmental person (and we're all guilty of it), check your bias and stereotyping at the door and step into someone else's shoes. Are there people who take advantage of the situation? Yes. They're called people who can afford certain rights in life, but call them privileges and think they ought to be taken away from those who don't have the same opportunities to education and resources. There are also people who take advantage of help provided for them and fuel the fire for bias argument. But these people are NOT a majority. And even if they were, if the help provided were to only reach ONE person, is he/she not worth it? Now, that's extreme, because programs like Planned Parenthood help so many people who REALLY need the help, and aren't they ALL worth it? Just because we don't agree with someone decision does that mean they don't deserve our help?! Do we have to judge? Haven't we all done something we're not proud of?
Now...where did this all come from? My lovely and random rant...check here (or the news). Budget cutting and such...I don't have an answer. I will admit I don't know a lot. But I know this, that at some point Planned Parenthood funding came up and some people decided to make it into an abortion discussion. First off, Planned Parenthood is NOT just about abortion. Think about it...wait for it...PLANNED PARENTHOOD. Planning + parenthood = responsible decisions about when/when not to have a family and all the education that comes along with it. Maybe? A good thing? Yes?! Anywho...certain individuals (men) thought it was best to bring out their judgmental attitudes and turn it into a pro-life outweighs all pro-choice reasons, good or bad. And then a woman steps up. And puts herself out there and tells her story and says, "I'm one of those people...I'm one of those who had to have this procedure..." and while she may have been one of the lucky ones to have it done privately, she understands what many women go through and why it's important for those who can't afford to have it done privately.
I don't give a hoot who is Republic or Democrat. I am most certainly not a man-hater. And I respect other people's opinions. But I don't respect people who think that taking money away from less fortunate just because they don't like their decisions. I don't like how budget-cutting can get turned into an abortion debate. Abortion was declared a RIGHT for women. It is NOT a privilege to be taking away from those who can't afford it. How many congressmen/women's wives have had abortions with/without public knowledge? More importantly, with or without their spouse's knowledge? Let's get that poll and see who changes their story. PRIVACY goes a long way when you have money to hide behind.
Children have always been my passion. Parenthood is now my privilege. And the rights protecting women, children and families may have just become my cause.
Showing posts with label following your intuition. Show all posts
Showing posts with label following your intuition. Show all posts
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Monday, August 2, 2010
Emotional Mommies - Come on in!
Organization and compartmentalizing only goes so far. I can follow a simple chore list to help me get through the week without burning myself out. When school comes I will map out the entire semester’s homework schedule that I’ve been known to follow 90% of the time. I will plan dinners, try to cook ahead, and make it a point to take my little girl to playdates and storytimes so that I know we’re getting out of the house to spend quality time together so I’m not distracted by other things.
These are lines that can be drawn. Boundaries I can choose to stay within or cross over at my own convenience.
But there are things I can’t help. Things like being a full-time mommy and wife, holding down a part-time job while being a part-time student. I can organize the activies of these persons, but I am just one person and therefore, these three have to coexist in one body. Which means all the separate emotions, daily stresses and ups and downs that come along with each “me” rattle around in my head and bounce into one another. It’s like my head is the white padded cell of a looney bin and all my ideas is the craziness that bounces off those walls:o)
It’s hard. It’s what I signed up for and I’m well aware of that. And it’s so cliché, but it’s true that you have no idea what you’re in for. I could have done things different. I could have stayed in NJ and finished school there and been done years ago. I could have finished school here before getting married and having a baby. But this is the path I’ve chosen and I do happen to like it. They all give me a different feeling of purpose and goals and that’s something to be positive about.
Sometimes I am sad and frustrated, though. At times I question whether I suffer from PPD. Then again, I look at my own personal history and my family history (especially in the females) and I wonder if I would be medically diagnosed with depression. Or some chemical imbalance. It’s hard not to think of these things. I read other women’s struggles with their emotions and I see we all seem to be on the same page. The real question is, “Am I crazy?” Which, I think we all know we’re not. I call it my emotional roller coaster that ends at a brick wall! I’m up one minute. Down the next. And then I don’t know what I’m feeling or how to describe it.
Communication is key. Simple solution. Hard task. I’m great at communcation happy, love, thankful. I’m not so great at communcating frustration, anxiety, sad, etc. I don’t know anyone who has mastered these skills, but regardless, I’m really bad at it. Like…I will let it eat at me until I explode. Not a pretty sight.
Shawn and I are both still learning (constant ongoing process) of how to parent and how to help one another. Attending school is going to be a HUGE test in our communcation because I will be around less (con!), but he will get a lot more time with Autumn (pro!). Him and I will be finding ourselves communcating in a totally different manner than we do now because our situation is changing and I will need to learn to adjust to this. I will also need to learn to “let go” on some issues and just relax.
I’m thankful that I have a best friend who I can talk to about anything! I mean really, ANYTHING. And she’s not just a shoulder to cry on. She’s honest and helpful and if I’m being dumb, she’ll tell me:o) She’s been my support throughout the years in regards to many issues and now we’ve added “being a mommy” to the list.
Overall, lately I’m feeling very overwhelmed. And it’s easy for that emotion to get away from me and take off for the “crazy cliff.” It’s important to keep a reign on these negative emotions. And the first step I’ve found myself taking is trying to figure out where it’s coming from. WHAT is going on right now that might be causing me to feel this way? And I have to look deeper than the “I’m just stressed” excuse. Right now my valid excuse is the anxiety I feel about school starting soon. There will be a lot of changes to my schedule, Autumn’s schedule, our household atmosphere and with that comes the feeling of guilt, pressure, happy, sad, etc. Once I know where/what the problem is I don’t try to make it go away. You feel how you feel and that isn’t going to necessarily go away. However, I can ease the feelings. I can talk about it. I can come up with chore lists and meal planning to help the transition in our household easier. I can set aside special time for my family to ease the guilt.
Some days are better than others. Some days will be great. Some days will suck. This is the life of all parents. This is what I…WE…have signed up for. But there’s no reason to let the emotions overrun us. There’s no reason to think we’re the only ones that feel like we’re crazy.
So…how do deal? How do you anchor and reign in your emotions when you feel out of control? If we’re all in this together, then we need to help each other. You don’t need to spill your guts (I’ve HARDLY touched the surface!), but it’s been very helpful reading other women’s struggles and knowing I’m not alone. And sometimes their ways of coping are useful in my everyday life, too.
These are lines that can be drawn. Boundaries I can choose to stay within or cross over at my own convenience.
But there are things I can’t help. Things like being a full-time mommy and wife, holding down a part-time job while being a part-time student. I can organize the activies of these persons, but I am just one person and therefore, these three have to coexist in one body. Which means all the separate emotions, daily stresses and ups and downs that come along with each “me” rattle around in my head and bounce into one another. It’s like my head is the white padded cell of a looney bin and all my ideas is the craziness that bounces off those walls:o)
It’s hard. It’s what I signed up for and I’m well aware of that. And it’s so cliché, but it’s true that you have no idea what you’re in for. I could have done things different. I could have stayed in NJ and finished school there and been done years ago. I could have finished school here before getting married and having a baby. But this is the path I’ve chosen and I do happen to like it. They all give me a different feeling of purpose and goals and that’s something to be positive about.
Sometimes I am sad and frustrated, though. At times I question whether I suffer from PPD. Then again, I look at my own personal history and my family history (especially in the females) and I wonder if I would be medically diagnosed with depression. Or some chemical imbalance. It’s hard not to think of these things. I read other women’s struggles with their emotions and I see we all seem to be on the same page. The real question is, “Am I crazy?” Which, I think we all know we’re not. I call it my emotional roller coaster that ends at a brick wall! I’m up one minute. Down the next. And then I don’t know what I’m feeling or how to describe it.
Communication is key. Simple solution. Hard task. I’m great at communcation happy, love, thankful. I’m not so great at communcating frustration, anxiety, sad, etc. I don’t know anyone who has mastered these skills, but regardless, I’m really bad at it. Like…I will let it eat at me until I explode. Not a pretty sight.
Shawn and I are both still learning (constant ongoing process) of how to parent and how to help one another. Attending school is going to be a HUGE test in our communcation because I will be around less (con!), but he will get a lot more time with Autumn (pro!). Him and I will be finding ourselves communcating in a totally different manner than we do now because our situation is changing and I will need to learn to adjust to this. I will also need to learn to “let go” on some issues and just relax.
I’m thankful that I have a best friend who I can talk to about anything! I mean really, ANYTHING. And she’s not just a shoulder to cry on. She’s honest and helpful and if I’m being dumb, she’ll tell me:o) She’s been my support throughout the years in regards to many issues and now we’ve added “being a mommy” to the list.
Overall, lately I’m feeling very overwhelmed. And it’s easy for that emotion to get away from me and take off for the “crazy cliff.” It’s important to keep a reign on these negative emotions. And the first step I’ve found myself taking is trying to figure out where it’s coming from. WHAT is going on right now that might be causing me to feel this way? And I have to look deeper than the “I’m just stressed” excuse. Right now my valid excuse is the anxiety I feel about school starting soon. There will be a lot of changes to my schedule, Autumn’s schedule, our household atmosphere and with that comes the feeling of guilt, pressure, happy, sad, etc. Once I know where/what the problem is I don’t try to make it go away. You feel how you feel and that isn’t going to necessarily go away. However, I can ease the feelings. I can talk about it. I can come up with chore lists and meal planning to help the transition in our household easier. I can set aside special time for my family to ease the guilt.
Some days are better than others. Some days will be great. Some days will suck. This is the life of all parents. This is what I…WE…have signed up for. But there’s no reason to let the emotions overrun us. There’s no reason to think we’re the only ones that feel like we’re crazy.
So…how do deal? How do you anchor and reign in your emotions when you feel out of control? If we’re all in this together, then we need to help each other. You don’t need to spill your guts (I’ve HARDLY touched the surface!), but it’s been very helpful reading other women’s struggles and knowing I’m not alone. And sometimes their ways of coping are useful in my everyday life, too.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Weighing In - In more ways than one:o)
Tomorrow's MY 6 week checkup. With that on my mind and with the events of today I thought I'd blog about some stuff swirling around in my head.
I weigh 141.8 lbs. I am very much ok with this! This weekend I realize that when i found my spring clothes and the rest of my pre-preggo size 9 jeans that..well..see below:oP
LOL! I'm laughing because it is funny. And...if I wasn't laughing I might cry. The reality is, I really could care less that they don't fit. Doesn't bother me in the least. My weight tells the real story, but my body is shaped differently than before and for a very good reason:o) It's the fact that we're lacking in funds right now and clothes shopping is NOT very high on the list. I plan on hitting an awesome consignment store in the area asap, but that still might not happen for a few weeks. So alas...I will walk around NAKED until then!!! Ok, maybe not.
Moving on...last week sucked. It was a hard week for me mentally and when my brain goes haywire so do my horomones. Or maybe it's the other way around. I don't even think the best scientists know what triggers what. Anyway...so last week sucked. Weekend was AWESOME! Shawn and I spent a lot of quality time with friends, family, and each other. It was magnificent. And I love spending so much time together to watch him be Daddy. That's my favorite thing...watching Shawn be Daddy. It's a role - just like brother, son, uncle, husband, friends -now he's also Daddy. And it's beautiful!
Fast forward to today...I had a meeting at 11am. Sunday night I mentioned having to make sure all was ready to go in the morning so I could get myself and Autumn there on time. Shawn says to leave her home with him. I've left her home with him for a few hours, but all day?! Let me just say that I have FULL confidence in my husband. I trust him 10000% percent in his abilities to care for our child. But was I ready to do a whole day without her? I said ok.
And the day went fine! Autumn slept late because she had had ad HORRID day before (we're not going into that...) and so I got myself ready. Fed her at 9am. I left at 10am. My meeting started early and went til a little after 11am. I called - all was well:o) I went to work. I got some paperwork done for bowling, I took care of my munchkin-girl, called home ONCE at 3:30pm and all was well, took munchkin-girl and munchkin-boy of "mine" to the library, took them home, read books, played and actually got out of work a little early at 5:30pm. Home by 6pm.
While it was very nice to not have a child attached to me (and my boobs) all day, I did miss Autumn a lot. BUT, she had an AWESOME day with Daddy! She went for a long walk, visited with neighbors, played with a 1yr old little girl, took good naps, ate good, and has no fussiness!
What does this tell me? I need to relax. I need to remind myself that Shawn IS capable - just like I knew he would be - and sometimes I need to let him do a little more so that I can hold onto my sanity. I need my "me" time in order to keep being ME! I've thought about some stuff I'd like to do and my goal is to try a few things to week - a little at a time - to see what works for us:
~do some personal reading - not school related, baby related, internet related. Nope. Pick a book & take a bath or close the bedroom door and read! Even if it's only for 15 mins an evening.
~workout. I really need to find a time I can do this - even if it means getting out of bed, which is SO hard. I just need to start doing something at home forlike 20 mins a day. We'll see how many times it gets done this week and we'll go from there.
~cook. I do miss making dinner.
So those are three small goals. Very small. Because when a little one enters into your life, no matter how much she "fits", the very small goals still manage to end up being large goals. So let's see how we manage these and then we'll discuss baking cupcakes from scratch, joining a book club, and hitting the gym 4 nights a week:oP
Friday, February 19, 2010
Birth Story (very loooong!)
Got your popcorn & soda? Good! Because this is going to be a pretty long story!
6:30pm Monday (2/8) - I had JUST left work. Rob (boss-man) had come home that night since Ann had something work related to be at. He had given me "permission" to go ahead and have the baby "whenever!" because the grandparents were on their way back to the state, the mom's comferences were now over and some sense of normalcy was returning to the home where my need to be there was not urgent. So, I'm a few blocks away from the house and all of a sudden I felt three significant GUSHES of fluid. I'd been having leakage, which is normal, but this was entirely different! And I thought, "If this isn't my water breaking, I don't know what else it could be!" I had a feeling we'd be having a baby very soon. I called Rob to tell him that my daughter apparently listened to our coversation and decided she wanted to come out within the next day - I was likely not going to be at work the following day (and THAT is what you get for telling a pregnant woman she can go into labor!). I called Shawn, who was down the street from our house. He said he'd meet me at home. I called Boo who was just as ecstatic as I was. AND I called the birth center. Sarah was on-call. She instructed us to eat a decent dinner and call back by 8pm, about an hour later, and we'd make up a "plan."
We eat spaghetti. We went for a walk around the block - it was COLD! Shawn showered. Meanwhile I had had a few more significant gushes. My fluid was clear. None of my contractions were timeable and felt nothing more than my usual Braxton Hicks.
We called Sarah back at 8. We made a plan to meet at the birth center at 930 to be monitored. Shawn drove. On the way there I had maybe 3 contractions I could time at about 10 minutes apart, which is still very early in labor. We arrive and I get a dose of anti-biotics for my Group B Strep. That took about 20 minutes. They monitored Autumn to see if she would do some "tricks" - basically, that her heart rate would go up by about 10-15 beats per minute during my contractions. It took her awhile and she was kind of lazy about it, but she finally did enough that Sarah was happy. Because I was Strep B positive, she said she would NOT do an internal check because of risk for infection. Also, they generally like to see me in ACTIVE labor within 12 hours and have the baby within 24 hours. She sent us away with a shopping list: 4oz of castor oil, ice cream, & peanut butter cups. And rest! If I was not in active labor by 4am, I was to miz 2 oz of castor oil with 1 cup of ice cream and chase it with a peanut butter cup. And we were to arrive back at the birth center between 6-7am.
Not much had been happening in regards to contractions. Oh, and while at the birth center they had checked my undies - which I hadn't leaked in awhile - to test for amniotic fluid and it came up negative. So on the way home I was like, "Did my water really break? Or am I stupid and this is a total bust and I'm wasting everyone's time?" I was second-guessing myself completely. Then we got to Walgreens, picked up our shopping list, and while we were there ANOTHER 2 gushes came and went. I was SURE that this was a sign I was having a baby. We checked out, ran to Cookout for food because Shawn was hungry, and got home about 1145pm. Sarah called just as we walked in the door and now SHE was second-guessing that my water broke because she had looked at my chart and saw that I had questions about leaking the week before. But I told her that this was definitely a different feeling and that it had just happened again while we were at the store. She said that she believed me, she was okay with everything and we were to follow the plan.
I went to bed at 12am and woke up at 3:30am. No sign of active labor. I drank the castor oil milkshake - was it yummy? Absolutely not. Was it awful? Not really. I thought of it as a really gross protein shake for dieting that I just had to drink once and get it over with...and then I chased it with the peanut butter cup to get rid of the texture in my mouth.
Nothing happened. Well...about 20 minutes later I had some tummy rumbles and hit the bathroom, but it wasn't explosive or anything and afterwards I felt fine. Not even hard line contractions. I woke Shawn up at 5am CRYING because I thought everything was a waste of time and I was stupid and I was going to feel so embarrassed walking back into the birth center where they'd tell me I was NOT in labor:o( Shawn reassured me that I knew my body, my water HAD broken, and we were having a baby soon. He was exhausted and that's not a good combination with driving, so because I felt absolutely nothing going on with me, I drove.
Yes, I drove.
And about half way there I started getting some significant menstrual like cramping going on. While driving. Surprisingly, though, I felt very much in control. And it wasn't until we hit the birth center that the cramping was so bad Shawn had to help me out of the car! We got there at 630am. I spent the first 30 minutes in the bathroom trying to get rid of cramping that was a result of the castor oil. And then...
POP! Holy Niagra Falls!!!! I gushed fluid for almost a straight 20 minutes! My water had officially ruptured! When I felt a little better I got into the bed. I received another dose of antibiotics. Autumn's heart rate was high - PROBLEM ONE. So they gave me more IV fluid, too, to hydrate me. After another 30 mins I really needed to pee, so I asked Shawn to help me up from the bed and as he did I felt this flowing water from below me that I couldn't stop. I FREAKED OUT! SHAWN...help me up! Get me to the bathroom!
I was soaked! You know the movie Coneheads when her water breaks and floods the place? That was me! Somewhat embarrassed, but laughing hysterically at what had just happened. It was all clear, so that was a good sign. And they checked her heartrate afterwards and it was back down to normal - apparently she just wanted some more room, so the absence of all that fluid made her happy. I showered afterwards because I felt gross. By this time the menstrual cramps from the castor oil had subsided and the result - which is expected from the castor oil treatment - was the start of regular contractions.
After the shower things were just chill. I'd have contractions. Her heartrate went a little high again. Sarah went off duty and Leigh-Ann came on duty, this was around 730-8am. During contractions I enjoyed squatting a lot and leaning up against the bed. Shawn remembered from birth class that he could come behind me and squat with me and then pull my belly up during contractions and this helped a lot! At one point I was getting through contractions by rocking in a rocking chair. Leigh-Ann said she wanted me to go upstairs, if I could, to have the baby be monitored on the machines. I said, "Ok, I'm just enjoying rocking right now, it's really helping, give me a minute." So what did they do? I get upstairs and they had set up a rocking chair with the machine in the LIBRARY! Which also happened to the be there small staff room where they all get their morning coffee and breakfast. And here I am with a towel around my waist and robe around my top and nekid everywhere else...and did I care?! Nope! I had no modesty!!!! It went out the window when contraction hit, people! If they didn't care - I didn't care.
Good news was that PROBLEM ONE (high heartrate) was normal. Now we had PROBLEM TWO - she wasn't doing the "trick" where her heartrate was jumping during a contraction. She was sleeping through my contractions - lazy child! They tried to wake her up by honking this bicycle horn at my belly and it did nothing. So what did we do?
Me: "Shawn...don't you have your IPOD?"
Shawn: "Yea...what do you want me to do? Play her some Slayer?"
Me: "YES!"
Leigh-Ann: "It's worth a shot!"
So, yea...we played heavy metal into my belly via IPOD headphones and it WORKED! Within 5-10 minutes Leigh-Ann said her heartrate had done the jumping she wanted done. PROBLEM TWO was solved! Also, Leigh-Ann finally wanted to do an internal check - I was 3cm and +2 station (she was already pretty darn low!). This was around, maybe 10-11am. With all the issues solved we went back downstairs to labor, Leigh-Ann was sure we could have the baby at the birth center, everything was OK!
We got back downstairs and I hit the bathroom again. I was int hebathroom I'd say 80-90% of the time I had contractions. It helped pass a lot more fluid and I was just comfy there. All of a sudden I noticed some "green show" on my pads. Merconium. DAMMIT! Leigh-Ann said that "tipped the scales" and after a talk with Maureen, another midwife, the decision was to go to the hospital for better monitoring. They just needed to make sure the baby was okay and honestly, I didn't care where I birthed - I just wanted my baby to be ok.
We left between 11a-12p (I think). The car ride was the worst.five.minute.ride.ever.
Jessie was our nurse - she also happens to be the daughter of a woman who works at the birth center - so that was comforting that she knew how we hoped our birth would go and she wouldn't be a pushy hospital person. We were only in the room a short while before I hopped into the shower. I took a LONG HOT HOT HOT shower - for at least an hour. I would stand during my contractions. squat as they faded and sit while they were gone. I was just starting to think to myself, "How much more can I take? Will I ask for pain meds? Can I finish this out?" I hopped out of the shower and it was just Leigh-Ann and I in the room. She asked me, "If you ask for meds, what do you want me to tell you? Do you want me to say 'no' or try to talk you out of it? Or do you want me to give them to you?" I asked what my options were: 1) epi - to which I said NO! and 2) Stadol (sp?) which would take the edge off, but I'd still feel it all. I asked to be checked first, before giving an answer, to see where were at. It had only been a couple of hours since I was 3cm, so we weren't expecting a huge change, BUT Leigh-Ann did say, "If you are at 8cm, I'm not giving you anything!"
I was 9cm +3 station! HA! So much for even the idea of drugs. Not happening. Also, since I was far enough along and the baby was so low she gave me permission to start bearing down if it felt better to do so. And I did. I began pushing a little after 1:30pm!
Position 1 - I was flat on my back. It worked for awhile.
Position 2 - Leigh-Ann raised the head of teh bed so I was in a more squat-like position. It worked a little better.
You really do have trouble figuring out how to push. Leigh-Ann would actually stick a few fingers "down there" and tell me to push her fingers out, which helped A LOT! It was as if X marked the spot! Also, I had a tendency to give out high pitched yelling screams, which weren't helping. Leigh-Ann said I either had to hold my breath and bear down or do low grunting screams. I can't grunt for my life, so holdin my breath and bearing down worked best. My contrations were at least 3, sometimes 4, right on top of one another before getting a break. This was very exhausting. Sometime during this a student knocked on the door and asked if she could come in to help/watch. I yelled "NO!" Generally I'm all for students. Education is awesome! However, I was already too far into pushing and I was comfortable with my birth team that I didn't want anyone else in the room or any other help. So we stuck with my three amigos - Shawn, Leigh-Ann, and Jessie.
Position 3 - Somehow I found the strength to turn around and get on my hands and knees up against the back of the bed. This position was probably the first in which I could feel I was moving her down. I was really starting to understand a GOOD PUSH and there were a few times that pushing did not, I repeat DID NOT hurt, but felt good. It was like a relief to get her moving down. I did not have many of those pushes, but when they did happen I thought to myself, "That really felt pretty good! I want to do one of those again!"
Position 4 - Leigh-Ann asked for the squat bar to be put across the bottom of the bed. I was SO tired and I hurt so much I told her I couldn't do it. I couldn't move myself to the edge of the bed, I couldn't pull myself up, and I certainly could hold myself up while bearing down. What happened? I did it all. It didn't work for long. We were having trouble getting her under my pelvic bone.
Position 5 - The head of the bed was still raised and we played tug-of-war! This was the BEST THING EVER! Leigh-Ann took a shoot and knotted both sides. Shawn & Jessie each took a leg to push back when I had a contraction. During the contraction I would hold my breath, bear down, and pull as hard as I could on the blanket while Leigh-Ann pulled the other side. This is when we were finally able to start seeing the head crown. They asked if I wanted the mirror and I said no. I really thought it would freak me out. Also, because my contractions were on top of one another and I only got a short, MAYBE 45sec-1min break, I was actually falling asleep in about 10 secs and then waking up again with the contractions.
I kept telling Shawn, "I'm so tired," "I want her to come out," "I can't do this," etc. But everyone kept reassuring me and in the back of my head I kept telling myself, "Just get her head out and you'll be done. The sooner her head it out it will all be easy after that. Push hard or this is going to take even longer!"
Position 6 - Things were progressing with every push, but we could not get her under my pelvic bone fast enough. They laid the bed almost all the way down again. I know they say this is the worst position to be in because it doesn't open up your pelvis enough, but it actually worked best for me. However, the last 20 minutes I do distinctly remember hearing a POP and asking "What was that?" but no one had heard it. More on that later...
The more I pushed, the more her head crowned. The finally told me I needed to see it and brought out the mirror. It did not freak me out. It really helped. Of course, when we got the point where her head was just sitting there stretching my vagina and it HURT, it was very hard to relax when I wasn't having a contraction. Seeing her head there I just wanted to keep pushing until she was out!
Due to the merconium at the birth center, NICU had been placed on-call. Leigh-Ann had been debating having them come in or not - she did not want other people in the room if it was unnecessary. Throughout 99% of my pushing I had had nothing but clear fluid, which was great. But near the end I had some more color and Leigh-Ann said she'd scold herself if she didn't bring NICU in the room - after all, the baby's safety was the whole reason we'd come to the hospital.
NICU arrive maybe the last 5-10 mins of my pushing. I was told that as long as the baby came out pink and crying and okay that I would get her immediately and NICU would leave asap. The women with NICU were very supportive - I could see them all in the room and made eye contact with each and every one of them, but it didn't bother me at all.
Then, finally, at 3:30pm she was born. Autumn was fine and came straight to my belly. She had had her hand up near her face & the cord was wrapped around her hand/face combo once - I really believe that her hand being between her face and the cord quite possibly saved us from any real emergency! Shawn said they threw her like a fish on top of me! She was making noises, but not screaming, so they wiped her down and sunctioned her while she was on my chest until they were happy with a single good cry. I delivered the placenta very quickly after that. I was a hysterical mess. I had never missed my Mom so much before. I told Autumn that her Grandma would have thought she was absolutely beautiful. Shawn was a crying mess, too. He was absolutely wonderful and supportive the entire labor. I could not imagine having to go through it without him. He was so strong and provided me with all the emotional support I needed.
After all was said and done NICU had to take her across the room for just a hot second - I guess it's protocol that if they're called in they have to do a few small checks on her. That's when we found out her weight was 9 lbs 4 oz. I had a small tear - not even my perinium. It was actually off to the side and Leigh-Ann gave me a local and stitched me up. Shawn said I should be thankful I didn't see what she was doing because the needle was HUGE and she was really sticking me hard, but all I could feel was pinches. I guess it doesn't really matter after you've just pushed out a 9lb baby! I do believe I received some pitocin to help with bleeding, but they were very please with my uterus getting firm and contracting right away, so it wasn't a major concern. The viatmin K shot was held off until I was breastfeeding her a little while later. We declined the Hep B & the eye goop.
Afterwards, well - phone calls, visitors, checkups from the nurses and doctors, etc. Our midwife, Sarah, came back in the morning to check in on us. She said she would fill out the paperwork to discharge us and we were leaving the hospital noon the next day.
Official stats: Autumn Dawn was born 3:30pm, Tuesday February 9, 2010. 9 lbs 4 oz, 21.25 in long, 13.5 in head cir. She passed her hearing! She breastfeeds like a champ! She sleeps awesome! And she's absolutely perfect<3
6:30pm Monday (2/8) - I had JUST left work. Rob (boss-man) had come home that night since Ann had something work related to be at. He had given me "permission" to go ahead and have the baby "whenever!" because the grandparents were on their way back to the state, the mom's comferences were now over and some sense of normalcy was returning to the home where my need to be there was not urgent. So, I'm a few blocks away from the house and all of a sudden I felt three significant GUSHES of fluid. I'd been having leakage, which is normal, but this was entirely different! And I thought, "If this isn't my water breaking, I don't know what else it could be!" I had a feeling we'd be having a baby very soon. I called Rob to tell him that my daughter apparently listened to our coversation and decided she wanted to come out within the next day - I was likely not going to be at work the following day (and THAT is what you get for telling a pregnant woman she can go into labor!). I called Shawn, who was down the street from our house. He said he'd meet me at home. I called Boo who was just as ecstatic as I was. AND I called the birth center. Sarah was on-call. She instructed us to eat a decent dinner and call back by 8pm, about an hour later, and we'd make up a "plan."
We eat spaghetti. We went for a walk around the block - it was COLD! Shawn showered. Meanwhile I had had a few more significant gushes. My fluid was clear. None of my contractions were timeable and felt nothing more than my usual Braxton Hicks.
We called Sarah back at 8. We made a plan to meet at the birth center at 930 to be monitored. Shawn drove. On the way there I had maybe 3 contractions I could time at about 10 minutes apart, which is still very early in labor. We arrive and I get a dose of anti-biotics for my Group B Strep. That took about 20 minutes. They monitored Autumn to see if she would do some "tricks" - basically, that her heart rate would go up by about 10-15 beats per minute during my contractions. It took her awhile and she was kind of lazy about it, but she finally did enough that Sarah was happy. Because I was Strep B positive, she said she would NOT do an internal check because of risk for infection. Also, they generally like to see me in ACTIVE labor within 12 hours and have the baby within 24 hours. She sent us away with a shopping list: 4oz of castor oil, ice cream, & peanut butter cups. And rest! If I was not in active labor by 4am, I was to miz 2 oz of castor oil with 1 cup of ice cream and chase it with a peanut butter cup. And we were to arrive back at the birth center between 6-7am.
Not much had been happening in regards to contractions. Oh, and while at the birth center they had checked my undies - which I hadn't leaked in awhile - to test for amniotic fluid and it came up negative. So on the way home I was like, "Did my water really break? Or am I stupid and this is a total bust and I'm wasting everyone's time?" I was second-guessing myself completely. Then we got to Walgreens, picked up our shopping list, and while we were there ANOTHER 2 gushes came and went. I was SURE that this was a sign I was having a baby. We checked out, ran to Cookout for food because Shawn was hungry, and got home about 1145pm. Sarah called just as we walked in the door and now SHE was second-guessing that my water broke because she had looked at my chart and saw that I had questions about leaking the week before. But I told her that this was definitely a different feeling and that it had just happened again while we were at the store. She said that she believed me, she was okay with everything and we were to follow the plan.
I went to bed at 12am and woke up at 3:30am. No sign of active labor. I drank the castor oil milkshake - was it yummy? Absolutely not. Was it awful? Not really. I thought of it as a really gross protein shake for dieting that I just had to drink once and get it over with...and then I chased it with the peanut butter cup to get rid of the texture in my mouth.
Nothing happened. Well...about 20 minutes later I had some tummy rumbles and hit the bathroom, but it wasn't explosive or anything and afterwards I felt fine. Not even hard line contractions. I woke Shawn up at 5am CRYING because I thought everything was a waste of time and I was stupid and I was going to feel so embarrassed walking back into the birth center where they'd tell me I was NOT in labor:o( Shawn reassured me that I knew my body, my water HAD broken, and we were having a baby soon. He was exhausted and that's not a good combination with driving, so because I felt absolutely nothing going on with me, I drove.
Yes, I drove.
And about half way there I started getting some significant menstrual like cramping going on. While driving. Surprisingly, though, I felt very much in control. And it wasn't until we hit the birth center that the cramping was so bad Shawn had to help me out of the car! We got there at 630am. I spent the first 30 minutes in the bathroom trying to get rid of cramping that was a result of the castor oil. And then...
POP! Holy Niagra Falls!!!! I gushed fluid for almost a straight 20 minutes! My water had officially ruptured! When I felt a little better I got into the bed. I received another dose of antibiotics. Autumn's heart rate was high - PROBLEM ONE. So they gave me more IV fluid, too, to hydrate me. After another 30 mins I really needed to pee, so I asked Shawn to help me up from the bed and as he did I felt this flowing water from below me that I couldn't stop. I FREAKED OUT! SHAWN...help me up! Get me to the bathroom!
I was soaked! You know the movie Coneheads when her water breaks and floods the place? That was me! Somewhat embarrassed, but laughing hysterically at what had just happened. It was all clear, so that was a good sign. And they checked her heartrate afterwards and it was back down to normal - apparently she just wanted some more room, so the absence of all that fluid made her happy. I showered afterwards because I felt gross. By this time the menstrual cramps from the castor oil had subsided and the result - which is expected from the castor oil treatment - was the start of regular contractions.
After the shower things were just chill. I'd have contractions. Her heartrate went a little high again. Sarah went off duty and Leigh-Ann came on duty, this was around 730-8am. During contractions I enjoyed squatting a lot and leaning up against the bed. Shawn remembered from birth class that he could come behind me and squat with me and then pull my belly up during contractions and this helped a lot! At one point I was getting through contractions by rocking in a rocking chair. Leigh-Ann said she wanted me to go upstairs, if I could, to have the baby be monitored on the machines. I said, "Ok, I'm just enjoying rocking right now, it's really helping, give me a minute." So what did they do? I get upstairs and they had set up a rocking chair with the machine in the LIBRARY! Which also happened to the be there small staff room where they all get their morning coffee and breakfast. And here I am with a towel around my waist and robe around my top and nekid everywhere else...and did I care?! Nope! I had no modesty!!!! It went out the window when contraction hit, people! If they didn't care - I didn't care.
Good news was that PROBLEM ONE (high heartrate) was normal. Now we had PROBLEM TWO - she wasn't doing the "trick" where her heartrate was jumping during a contraction. She was sleeping through my contractions - lazy child! They tried to wake her up by honking this bicycle horn at my belly and it did nothing. So what did we do?
Me: "Shawn...don't you have your IPOD?"
Shawn: "Yea...what do you want me to do? Play her some Slayer?"
Me: "YES!"
Leigh-Ann: "It's worth a shot!"
So, yea...we played heavy metal into my belly via IPOD headphones and it WORKED! Within 5-10 minutes Leigh-Ann said her heartrate had done the jumping she wanted done. PROBLEM TWO was solved! Also, Leigh-Ann finally wanted to do an internal check - I was 3cm and +2 station (she was already pretty darn low!). This was around, maybe 10-11am. With all the issues solved we went back downstairs to labor, Leigh-Ann was sure we could have the baby at the birth center, everything was OK!
We got back downstairs and I hit the bathroom again. I was int hebathroom I'd say 80-90% of the time I had contractions. It helped pass a lot more fluid and I was just comfy there. All of a sudden I noticed some "green show" on my pads. Merconium. DAMMIT! Leigh-Ann said that "tipped the scales" and after a talk with Maureen, another midwife, the decision was to go to the hospital for better monitoring. They just needed to make sure the baby was okay and honestly, I didn't care where I birthed - I just wanted my baby to be ok.
We left between 11a-12p (I think). The car ride was the worst.five.minute.ride.ever.
Jessie was our nurse - she also happens to be the daughter of a woman who works at the birth center - so that was comforting that she knew how we hoped our birth would go and she wouldn't be a pushy hospital person. We were only in the room a short while before I hopped into the shower. I took a LONG HOT HOT HOT shower - for at least an hour. I would stand during my contractions. squat as they faded and sit while they were gone. I was just starting to think to myself, "How much more can I take? Will I ask for pain meds? Can I finish this out?" I hopped out of the shower and it was just Leigh-Ann and I in the room. She asked me, "If you ask for meds, what do you want me to tell you? Do you want me to say 'no' or try to talk you out of it? Or do you want me to give them to you?" I asked what my options were: 1) epi - to which I said NO! and 2) Stadol (sp?) which would take the edge off, but I'd still feel it all. I asked to be checked first, before giving an answer, to see where were at. It had only been a couple of hours since I was 3cm, so we weren't expecting a huge change, BUT Leigh-Ann did say, "If you are at 8cm, I'm not giving you anything!"
I was 9cm +3 station! HA! So much for even the idea of drugs. Not happening. Also, since I was far enough along and the baby was so low she gave me permission to start bearing down if it felt better to do so. And I did. I began pushing a little after 1:30pm!
Position 1 - I was flat on my back. It worked for awhile.
Position 2 - Leigh-Ann raised the head of teh bed so I was in a more squat-like position. It worked a little better.
You really do have trouble figuring out how to push. Leigh-Ann would actually stick a few fingers "down there" and tell me to push her fingers out, which helped A LOT! It was as if X marked the spot! Also, I had a tendency to give out high pitched yelling screams, which weren't helping. Leigh-Ann said I either had to hold my breath and bear down or do low grunting screams. I can't grunt for my life, so holdin my breath and bearing down worked best. My contrations were at least 3, sometimes 4, right on top of one another before getting a break. This was very exhausting. Sometime during this a student knocked on the door and asked if she could come in to help/watch. I yelled "NO!" Generally I'm all for students. Education is awesome! However, I was already too far into pushing and I was comfortable with my birth team that I didn't want anyone else in the room or any other help. So we stuck with my three amigos - Shawn, Leigh-Ann, and Jessie.
Position 3 - Somehow I found the strength to turn around and get on my hands and knees up against the back of the bed. This position was probably the first in which I could feel I was moving her down. I was really starting to understand a GOOD PUSH and there were a few times that pushing did not, I repeat DID NOT hurt, but felt good. It was like a relief to get her moving down. I did not have many of those pushes, but when they did happen I thought to myself, "That really felt pretty good! I want to do one of those again!"
Position 4 - Leigh-Ann asked for the squat bar to be put across the bottom of the bed. I was SO tired and I hurt so much I told her I couldn't do it. I couldn't move myself to the edge of the bed, I couldn't pull myself up, and I certainly could hold myself up while bearing down. What happened? I did it all. It didn't work for long. We were having trouble getting her under my pelvic bone.
Position 5 - The head of the bed was still raised and we played tug-of-war! This was the BEST THING EVER! Leigh-Ann took a shoot and knotted both sides. Shawn & Jessie each took a leg to push back when I had a contraction. During the contraction I would hold my breath, bear down, and pull as hard as I could on the blanket while Leigh-Ann pulled the other side. This is when we were finally able to start seeing the head crown. They asked if I wanted the mirror and I said no. I really thought it would freak me out. Also, because my contractions were on top of one another and I only got a short, MAYBE 45sec-1min break, I was actually falling asleep in about 10 secs and then waking up again with the contractions.
I kept telling Shawn, "I'm so tired," "I want her to come out," "I can't do this," etc. But everyone kept reassuring me and in the back of my head I kept telling myself, "Just get her head out and you'll be done. The sooner her head it out it will all be easy after that. Push hard or this is going to take even longer!"
Position 6 - Things were progressing with every push, but we could not get her under my pelvic bone fast enough. They laid the bed almost all the way down again. I know they say this is the worst position to be in because it doesn't open up your pelvis enough, but it actually worked best for me. However, the last 20 minutes I do distinctly remember hearing a POP and asking "What was that?" but no one had heard it. More on that later...
The more I pushed, the more her head crowned. The finally told me I needed to see it and brought out the mirror. It did not freak me out. It really helped. Of course, when we got the point where her head was just sitting there stretching my vagina and it HURT, it was very hard to relax when I wasn't having a contraction. Seeing her head there I just wanted to keep pushing until she was out!
Due to the merconium at the birth center, NICU had been placed on-call. Leigh-Ann had been debating having them come in or not - she did not want other people in the room if it was unnecessary. Throughout 99% of my pushing I had had nothing but clear fluid, which was great. But near the end I had some more color and Leigh-Ann said she'd scold herself if she didn't bring NICU in the room - after all, the baby's safety was the whole reason we'd come to the hospital.
NICU arrive maybe the last 5-10 mins of my pushing. I was told that as long as the baby came out pink and crying and okay that I would get her immediately and NICU would leave asap. The women with NICU were very supportive - I could see them all in the room and made eye contact with each and every one of them, but it didn't bother me at all.
Then, finally, at 3:30pm she was born. Autumn was fine and came straight to my belly. She had had her hand up near her face & the cord was wrapped around her hand/face combo once - I really believe that her hand being between her face and the cord quite possibly saved us from any real emergency! Shawn said they threw her like a fish on top of me! She was making noises, but not screaming, so they wiped her down and sunctioned her while she was on my chest until they were happy with a single good cry. I delivered the placenta very quickly after that. I was a hysterical mess. I had never missed my Mom so much before. I told Autumn that her Grandma would have thought she was absolutely beautiful. Shawn was a crying mess, too. He was absolutely wonderful and supportive the entire labor. I could not imagine having to go through it without him. He was so strong and provided me with all the emotional support I needed.
After all was said and done NICU had to take her across the room for just a hot second - I guess it's protocol that if they're called in they have to do a few small checks on her. That's when we found out her weight was 9 lbs 4 oz. I had a small tear - not even my perinium. It was actually off to the side and Leigh-Ann gave me a local and stitched me up. Shawn said I should be thankful I didn't see what she was doing because the needle was HUGE and she was really sticking me hard, but all I could feel was pinches. I guess it doesn't really matter after you've just pushed out a 9lb baby! I do believe I received some pitocin to help with bleeding, but they were very please with my uterus getting firm and contracting right away, so it wasn't a major concern. The viatmin K shot was held off until I was breastfeeding her a little while later. We declined the Hep B & the eye goop.
Afterwards, well - phone calls, visitors, checkups from the nurses and doctors, etc. Our midwife, Sarah, came back in the morning to check in on us. She said she would fill out the paperwork to discharge us and we were leaving the hospital noon the next day.
Official stats: Autumn Dawn was born 3:30pm, Tuesday February 9, 2010. 9 lbs 4 oz, 21.25 in long, 13.5 in head cir. She passed her hearing! She breastfeeds like a champ! She sleeps awesome! And she's absolutely perfect<3
Monday, February 15, 2010
Doing What's Best For You! (long entry!)
In the past few days we've had some awesome up moments and a few down moments. And I learned a valuable lesson, which I actually already contemplated, but decided to put into practice...
Don't worry about what all the experts say...follow your intuition and do what works best for you (and your family).
Autumn was an awesome pooper Days 1 & 2. And okay pooper on Day 3. And then it just stopped. Damn. I mean nothing but a squirt was coming out. But we could definitely tell that she was trying REALLY hard and her stomach was bothering her. It's almost like she pooped so much those first few days that her body needed to rest, but her belly was crying, "Let it out!" It was awful. And to make matters worse, I was told to try to feed more often to stimulate her insides, but that was extremely difficult to do because anytime we'd try to feed she would scream bloody murder. I was pretty frustrated at these moments because I knew she needed to eat - she was hungry & it was going to help her, but I couldn't force her to eat, either. And then I found the solution!
See, I'd only be shown three positions for feeding: cradle - which put her on her side against me, football - which put her on her back, and lying down - which I have yet to try because we don't bring her to bed, we've been on the couch.
No one told me about SITTING UP! Does this really not exist? I cannot be the only woman to discover the MIRACLE of this position. Autumn screamed when she was in the cradle or back position because it upset her tummy. When she screamed I'd bring her back to my chest in an upright position to calm her down. And then a lightbulb went off - from her upright position I just scooted her down and she finally began to eat! TA-DA!
I don't know why this position isn't in the books. There's actually two ways we do it, depending on her sleepiness:
1) full awake...I can sit back reclined a little, she lays against my belly upright with thigh supporting her bottom and she eats while I cradle her head with one hand to make sure she doesn't shift off the boob
2) sleepy...I sit up straight and place her against my belly supported by my thigh again, but this time we're both more straight up and it keeps her awake more
BENEFITS OF THIS POSITION:
~LATCH - she was a good latcher from the beginning, BUT this has made it awesome. I suffered a few cracks in my nipples the first day or two from when she had a rough feeding session, but since we started this new position she has NOT ONCE hurt me or caused for damage and also my previous wounds have healed 100%
~COMFORT - she doesn't scream! Her tummy still bothered her for the first few sessions, but she could still feed comfortably. Also, it's more comfortable for me because my arms do not get tired from trying to hold her in a certain position & I enjoy reclining a little bit. We relax together now with her feedings and we both enjoy it more.
~BURP - she burps herself. I still burp after a feeding to get anything remaining out, but during a feeding because she is already upright, she'll just stop & let out a big burp and then continue feeding...sometimes without every losing her latch
~MORE FOOD - she's definitely getting more food. I can hear her swallowing, which I was having a hard time doing with the other positions. She's getting more food, for sure, and that makes us all happier!
~DISCREET - not that I'm one for modesty, but it does seem to be more discreet. Shawn has had friends over and I've been nursing without a cover because it doesn't even look like I'm nursing. It really looks like I'm just holding her upright and snuggling with her. I know others nurse in public discreetly with the other positions, but sometimes you can still tell their feeding - even if they're 100% covered. I feel like once I really get the hang of this I'll be able to sit and feed her wherever without a soul knowing I'm doing it - maybe even walk and feed her, too! (too much even for a multi-tasker? we'll see!)
~POOPING - this position, having her upright, has definitely proven useful in pushing stuff down & out. She's finally given us like half a dozen MASSIVE poops, which I'm so happy because we were getting worried about her jaundice. After talking with the midwife this evening, she said "It sounded like she was getting it, but she's turned a corner." Basically, we might have been to the point where we needed to be seen (& it still might happen), but since she's giving us consistent pee diapers and now she's had several poop diapers we have turned a corner in which her color should slowly fade back to normal...the midwife says the coloring takes longer to "catch up" after the body rids itself of the biliruben. So we'll keep an eye on it and hope for some results in the coming day or two.
So...if there's a downside, I don't see one. If there is a medical study that shows this is a bad idea...I'll check it out, for sure. And if I do create a habit with this position that needs to get broken later down the road...I'll handle it...later down the road;o)
ALSO....this one actually falls under the category of "follow your instinct"....no pacis or bottles for at least a month, if you're breastfeeding, right?
Both those rules lasted less than a week! She's a sucker...literally. We knew it in the hospital. So on the rare occassion, like her screaming fits with an upset belly, in which she wouldn't feed to soothe her, a paci has come in very handy. She does NOT get it all the time. She gets it at only her fussiest moments. Occassionally she goes to take a nap with one in her mouth, but it usually falls out and she continues to sleep. For 99% of the time she goes to sleep without it. I'm okay with this. I fear no bad habits and if so, again...we'll fix it down the road. People worry about nipple confusion...I did too...but she has loved my boob since Day 1 and thus far she's shown no sign of having trouble feeding because she has had another nipple-like thing in her mouth.
Bottle rule went out the window tonight. I pumped a whole 2 oz yesterday! I was SO HAPPY! Go Mommy! My milk had really started to come in, but some of her feedings were a little shorter than others, so I tried to pump. Shawn's really been wanting to feed her 1) because he wants to help like a good Daddy and 2) because he absolutely HATES that I have to wake to feed. So this evening after Autumn started a nap, I went to sleep and got some rest in, while Shawn stayed up. Unfortunately, my body woke me up anyway at the same time as Autumn & I thought more time had passed than it really had. So instead of going back to sleep I woke up to feed and realized it hadn't even been time for her first feeding with Shawn. So, Shawn gave her a bottle, which she took - I don't have a fussy bottle baby - and I decided to pump again. (NOTE: This time I pumped both sides at once and got 4 oz!!!!!!)
So we have a bottle for tomorrow, which might get used when I have some little visitors who want to help feed her;o) My milk supply is awesome, so I am not worried about not having enough for a freezer stash, or even just an immediate stash for me to run out while Shawn keeps the baby...or I can go to work with bottles and not worry about having to sit and feed while I'm hanging out with the kiddos. Oh, and as for nipple confusion....after her 2 oz bottle she was still hungry a little later on, so she breastfed AWESOME for another 10 mins. She's not an easily confused baby!
And that is my take on all that! Do I think there are good reasons and enough examples for people to hold off on bottles and pacis? Sure. For some people they become more of a hinderance than a help. But I think it's pushed way too much - like these things are almost evil - and it made me so nervous and almost guilty for trying them out. But what's really important? 1) My baby eating. 2) My baby is comfortable and happy about eating. 3) Mommy and Daddy are not only less worried about feeding time, but we're enjoying it SO MUCH MORE!
Don't worry about what all the experts say...follow your intuition and do what works best for you (and your family).
Autumn was an awesome pooper Days 1 & 2. And okay pooper on Day 3. And then it just stopped. Damn. I mean nothing but a squirt was coming out. But we could definitely tell that she was trying REALLY hard and her stomach was bothering her. It's almost like she pooped so much those first few days that her body needed to rest, but her belly was crying, "Let it out!" It was awful. And to make matters worse, I was told to try to feed more often to stimulate her insides, but that was extremely difficult to do because anytime we'd try to feed she would scream bloody murder. I was pretty frustrated at these moments because I knew she needed to eat - she was hungry & it was going to help her, but I couldn't force her to eat, either. And then I found the solution!
See, I'd only be shown three positions for feeding: cradle - which put her on her side against me, football - which put her on her back, and lying down - which I have yet to try because we don't bring her to bed, we've been on the couch.
No one told me about SITTING UP! Does this really not exist? I cannot be the only woman to discover the MIRACLE of this position. Autumn screamed when she was in the cradle or back position because it upset her tummy. When she screamed I'd bring her back to my chest in an upright position to calm her down. And then a lightbulb went off - from her upright position I just scooted her down and she finally began to eat! TA-DA!
I don't know why this position isn't in the books. There's actually two ways we do it, depending on her sleepiness:
1) full awake...I can sit back reclined a little, she lays against my belly upright with thigh supporting her bottom and she eats while I cradle her head with one hand to make sure she doesn't shift off the boob
2) sleepy...I sit up straight and place her against my belly supported by my thigh again, but this time we're both more straight up and it keeps her awake more
BENEFITS OF THIS POSITION:
~LATCH - she was a good latcher from the beginning, BUT this has made it awesome. I suffered a few cracks in my nipples the first day or two from when she had a rough feeding session, but since we started this new position she has NOT ONCE hurt me or caused for damage and also my previous wounds have healed 100%
~COMFORT - she doesn't scream! Her tummy still bothered her for the first few sessions, but she could still feed comfortably. Also, it's more comfortable for me because my arms do not get tired from trying to hold her in a certain position & I enjoy reclining a little bit. We relax together now with her feedings and we both enjoy it more.
~BURP - she burps herself. I still burp after a feeding to get anything remaining out, but during a feeding because she is already upright, she'll just stop & let out a big burp and then continue feeding...sometimes without every losing her latch
~MORE FOOD - she's definitely getting more food. I can hear her swallowing, which I was having a hard time doing with the other positions. She's getting more food, for sure, and that makes us all happier!
~DISCREET - not that I'm one for modesty, but it does seem to be more discreet. Shawn has had friends over and I've been nursing without a cover because it doesn't even look like I'm nursing. It really looks like I'm just holding her upright and snuggling with her. I know others nurse in public discreetly with the other positions, but sometimes you can still tell their feeding - even if they're 100% covered. I feel like once I really get the hang of this I'll be able to sit and feed her wherever without a soul knowing I'm doing it - maybe even walk and feed her, too! (too much even for a multi-tasker? we'll see!)
~POOPING - this position, having her upright, has definitely proven useful in pushing stuff down & out. She's finally given us like half a dozen MASSIVE poops, which I'm so happy because we were getting worried about her jaundice. After talking with the midwife this evening, she said "It sounded like she was getting it, but she's turned a corner." Basically, we might have been to the point where we needed to be seen (& it still might happen), but since she's giving us consistent pee diapers and now she's had several poop diapers we have turned a corner in which her color should slowly fade back to normal...the midwife says the coloring takes longer to "catch up" after the body rids itself of the biliruben. So we'll keep an eye on it and hope for some results in the coming day or two.
So...if there's a downside, I don't see one. If there is a medical study that shows this is a bad idea...I'll check it out, for sure. And if I do create a habit with this position that needs to get broken later down the road...I'll handle it...later down the road;o)
ALSO....this one actually falls under the category of "follow your instinct"....no pacis or bottles for at least a month, if you're breastfeeding, right?
Both those rules lasted less than a week! She's a sucker...literally. We knew it in the hospital. So on the rare occassion, like her screaming fits with an upset belly, in which she wouldn't feed to soothe her, a paci has come in very handy. She does NOT get it all the time. She gets it at only her fussiest moments. Occassionally she goes to take a nap with one in her mouth, but it usually falls out and she continues to sleep. For 99% of the time she goes to sleep without it. I'm okay with this. I fear no bad habits and if so, again...we'll fix it down the road. People worry about nipple confusion...I did too...but she has loved my boob since Day 1 and thus far she's shown no sign of having trouble feeding because she has had another nipple-like thing in her mouth.
Bottle rule went out the window tonight. I pumped a whole 2 oz yesterday! I was SO HAPPY! Go Mommy! My milk had really started to come in, but some of her feedings were a little shorter than others, so I tried to pump. Shawn's really been wanting to feed her 1) because he wants to help like a good Daddy and 2) because he absolutely HATES that I have to wake to feed. So this evening after Autumn started a nap, I went to sleep and got some rest in, while Shawn stayed up. Unfortunately, my body woke me up anyway at the same time as Autumn & I thought more time had passed than it really had. So instead of going back to sleep I woke up to feed and realized it hadn't even been time for her first feeding with Shawn. So, Shawn gave her a bottle, which she took - I don't have a fussy bottle baby - and I decided to pump again. (NOTE: This time I pumped both sides at once and got 4 oz!!!!!!)
So we have a bottle for tomorrow, which might get used when I have some little visitors who want to help feed her;o) My milk supply is awesome, so I am not worried about not having enough for a freezer stash, or even just an immediate stash for me to run out while Shawn keeps the baby...or I can go to work with bottles and not worry about having to sit and feed while I'm hanging out with the kiddos. Oh, and as for nipple confusion....after her 2 oz bottle she was still hungry a little later on, so she breastfed AWESOME for another 10 mins. She's not an easily confused baby!
And that is my take on all that! Do I think there are good reasons and enough examples for people to hold off on bottles and pacis? Sure. For some people they become more of a hinderance than a help. But I think it's pushed way too much - like these things are almost evil - and it made me so nervous and almost guilty for trying them out. But what's really important? 1) My baby eating. 2) My baby is comfortable and happy about eating. 3) Mommy and Daddy are not only less worried about feeding time, but we're enjoying it SO MUCH MORE!
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