Come on lazy days of summer!

How is everyone doing? Things are going well here...moving right along as always! Let me catch you up...

~I finished my first semester of teaching classes for my license and did well with an "A" and an "A+" I'm off for the summer and will return for another two classes in August.

~I had been training for a half marathon which I completed on Sunday @ 2:40:40. While I am very glad I did it, I am also glad it is over with. The last few weeks of hard training meant more evening time away from Autumn & the hubby. I'm glad we have our evenings back.

~Autumn is now 15 months! At her checkup she was 31in (2 inches in 3 months!) so she's pretty tall. No one us surprised by this. She's also 22.4lbs, which means she gained exactly 2 pounds in 3 months. She received a few shots. We'll return at 18 months for a regular checkup and to get the MMR vaccine.

~I will officially call my daughter a walker - FINALLY! She took her first steps several months ago, although the exact date I couldn't tell you. (Does that make me a bad mom?) It just kinda happened. But she never wanted to walk. She didn't "keep it up." I called it laziness...because she knew how to, but she didn't have the "want to." And while she's continued to practice and cruise furniture, only in the past few days has she actually started walking consistently around the house, from furniture to people, standing up in the middle of the room and walking to where she wants to be, etc. This makes us very happy! And she seems to realize that she can get where she wants to a little more comfortably without skinning her knees!

~She dislikes her diaper getting changed and often fights me. Brat.

~She MUST have a person's undivided attention in the car or she proceeds to YELL. I don't mean scream, or cry, I mean just YELL...ramble on at the top of her voice for no particular need other than for you to turn around and say, "What can I do for you?" It's rather annoying sometimes and has given me a headache. While I love she's learning to use her voice, THIS is not what I expected nor hoped for.

~I will have to write a separate post about the day I wanted to start potty training her...that was awful!

~She says: Fish ("ish"), Dad ("Da"), Mom ("mamamamamamamamama" and ONLY when she wants something), Dog ("woof"), Cat ("meow"), Elise ("eese"), and SH! ("shhhhhh") and she's getting better at saying Ball, Duck, Clock (you can imagine how that one comes out! lol) and a few others

~She sign languages for "more" and "please" all the time now!

~This weekend we're headed to the beach. Although we did take her out last summer, this will be her first real weekend at the beach where she will be exploring the sand and water with knowledge of what it all is. We're very excited. Note to self: still need to buy that sunscreen!

~She has 10 teeth...4 top front, 3 bottom front, 1 top molar right side, 1 bottom molar right side, and 1 top molar left side. I think the next one is a bottom molar on the left side. Canines no where in sight.

~Our summer schedule is very open and I'm hoping to fill it with lots of fun things to do in town and awesome playdates. After August I still don't know what I'm doing for work, so it's all very open and I'm learning to accept this and just not stress about it. Grandpa may come down from NJ in July to visit and we'll be very excited to see him!

Like I said, overall, we're just moving right along. We spend time with friends as much as possible. Work is going well for Shawn and myself, so we're enjoying an extra night out or two at dinner - which she LOVES because she can socialize very loudly with random strangers who think her simply adorable. We seem to be spending time with family a lot, too, which I love. I love how she's spending time with her cousins. Our door should be a revolving one with all the ins and outs of this house. Hope everyone else is doing well! Again, as always, I apologize for not blogging enough!

From an artistic perspective

this is just part of my current life...

coffee...unpainted toes...frumpy clothes

wine....bills....

library books for research stacked everywhere!

It's thursday...

And I'm not being thankful. Awful I know. Not because I don't have anything to be thankful for, but my brain just isn't up to. Nope. I'm exhausted. Tomorrow's Friday, which means NO class:o) Work @1230! BUT...baby checkup @ 9am. Seriously. Who made THAT appointment? Me? ME?! WTF was I thinking.

Anywho...tonight I'm stripping diapers. As Autumn's Aunt Becky put it so lovely, "her diapers stink and are leaking" which means...time to strip! And man, I must be using too much detergent b/c I'm stripping her "clean" diapers and there's only about 4 of them right now. And I'm on my THIRD cycle of hot wash and there's still so many suds. Crap. And then I still have to wash the rest of her diapers and then strip those. What a long night I have ahead. ^*#^O#&%^#&$^*^(*&%(&^%

Yea.

In other news...my baby girl is 7 months today! I have an update to do, I know. She's getting so big and I love her smiles and her playfulness and her attitude (oh yea, she has one!) and just everything about her. Where does the time go?

And we're back!

Hello. How are you? Oh how I've missed you - my computer screen, the sound of my fingers typing away, and some much needed downtime. I've seriously been going to bed at 930pm. I need the sleep, but I also need this time. I'm probably going to be staying up later to study and research for class (more on that later), but I'm going to do my best to blog more often. I have a lot pent up and need to write. It keeps me calm, cool, and collected:o)

So, classes started on Thursday. I'm still on the waitlist for one (some Russian history class) and I desperately NEED to get in. It's the only class on a Tues/Thurs morning that I can take. And I NEED to take at least two classes or NO financial aid, which means that if I go down to one class and lose the financial aid there's no way I can pay for just one class on such short notice. Taking a bogus online "easy" class would be an option, but it would still mean not graduating this December and I don't see that as an option either. So --> Russian class is a MUST and I'd appreciate the professor adding me asap! I've e-mailed him three times...I think he realizes the urgency. Really.

My independent study course is on 20th century women's history. I've already had this professor and I LOVE HER! She's just awesomeness. However, it's a lot of reading. Interesting reading, but still a lot. And I'm already getting down to business with paper topics, questions, possible thesis, sources for my paper, etc. I will have a ton to hand her by Tuesday aka Day 2 of class. I'm on it like white on rice!

And I know you're all dying to know...Autumn did WONDERFUL at Aunt Becky's (aka my bff!). I knew she would, but of course I was very anxious. And I admit that I checked in probably more often than I needed to, possibly driving Becky up a wall, but she loves me and tolerates my nuerotic behaviour regardless. She took her bottles. She didn't eat her solid food, but that just meant I got to feed her later which I enjoyed. She napped - super important. And she played with her buddy, Caleb! Oh, and snuggled Aunt Becky - the MOST important thing of all.

However, I was SO HAPPY to see her. I really did miss her. I know it will get easier, but I don't think I'll ever get over that "she's back in my arms" feeling. And nursing her was just so precious. I did pump (in the car! while driving!) when she wasn't with me in order to keep up my supply and such. But nursing her after being away from her for about 4 hours was just wonderful! I snuggled her and loved on her and felt so happy to be with her again. Ok, making you sick, eh? I'll stop! lol

The next few weeks will be weird due to varying schedules with work. In about 2 weeks we should be down to a regular routine and things will calm down, get in step and we'll be rolling right along. She'll be staying with her Aunt Tara on Tuesdays, so this week will be the first for that. She's stayed with her before, just not for as long a period of time, but I'm still not too worried. She's raised two girls already, I'm sure she can handle the monkey!

Being a Mom is like...(Blog Hop!)

I'm going to try to do a bloghop. This might fail miserably, but sooner or later I'll get it right, right?! I was thinking about this last night and then I thought, "How cool would it be to read what OTHER people thought?" So I decided that instead of just a plain old blog entry, I'd spice it up to see what others think. So we're blog hopping. I look forward to ANYONE who wants to write an entry!

All you have to write about it what "Being a Mom is like..." and link up. Here's mine:

Being a Mom is like...

Wearing a HOT pair of high heels!
We make it look easy
We make it look GOOOOOD
We make it look fun & trendy!

But at the end of the day...
Our feet hurt!
Our legs ache:o/
And we're just damn tired!

Men will never full understand.
Even if & when they try to walk a mile (ok..just a block!) in our shoes...
They try hard and they do their best
But they don't have the style and they don't have the grace
Give them their props for doing it their own way, but they can't do it like us, girls!

And other women wonder, why? WHY?
Why put yourselves through it all?
Because they too may not understand now (or ever)
That it's the self esteem boost,
The sense of accomplishment
And the pure joy we get...from wearing our "pair of HOT high heels!"

That's what being a mom is like. For me:o)

Looking foward to reading yours!

This is a Blog Hop! 1 entries so far... you're next!

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What Being a Mom is like. . .

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Emotional Mommies - Come on in!

Organization and compartmentalizing only goes so far. I can follow a simple chore list to help me get through the week without burning myself out. When school comes I will map out the entire semester’s homework schedule that I’ve been known to follow 90% of the time. I will plan dinners, try to cook ahead, and make it a point to take my little girl to playdates and storytimes so that I know we’re getting out of the house to spend quality time together so I’m not distracted by other things.
These are lines that can be drawn. Boundaries I can choose to stay within or cross over at my own convenience.

But there are things I can’t help. Things like being a full-time mommy and wife, holding down a part-time job while being a part-time student. I can organize the activies of these persons, but I am just one person and therefore, these three have to coexist in one body. Which means all the separate emotions, daily stresses and ups and downs that come along with each “me” rattle around in my head and bounce into one another. It’s like my head is the white padded cell of a looney bin and all my ideas is the craziness that bounces off those walls:o)

It’s hard. It’s what I signed up for and I’m well aware of that. And it’s so cliché, but it’s true that you have no idea what you’re in for. I could have done things different. I could have stayed in NJ and finished school there and been done years ago. I could have finished school here before getting married and having a baby. But this is the path I’ve chosen and I do happen to like it. They all give me a different feeling of purpose and goals and that’s something to be positive about.

Sometimes I am sad and frustrated, though. At times I question whether I suffer from PPD. Then again, I look at my own personal history and my family history (especially in the females) and I wonder if I would be medically diagnosed with depression. Or some chemical imbalance. It’s hard not to think of these things. I read other women’s struggles with their emotions and I see we all seem to be on the same page. The real question is, “Am I crazy?” Which, I think we all know we’re not. I call it my emotional roller coaster that ends at a brick wall! I’m up one minute. Down the next. And then I don’t know what I’m feeling or how to describe it.

Communication is key. Simple solution. Hard task. I’m great at communcation happy, love, thankful. I’m not so great at communcating frustration, anxiety, sad, etc. I don’t know anyone who has mastered these skills, but regardless, I’m really bad at it. Like…I will let it eat at me until I explode. Not a pretty sight.
Shawn and I are both still learning (constant ongoing process) of how to parent and how to help one another. Attending school is going to be a HUGE test in our communcation because I will be around less (con!), but he will get a lot more time with Autumn (pro!). Him and I will be finding ourselves communcating in a totally different manner than we do now because our situation is changing and I will need to learn to adjust to this. I will also need to learn to “let go” on some issues and just relax.

I’m thankful that I have a best friend who I can talk to about anything! I mean really, ANYTHING. And she’s not just a shoulder to cry on. She’s honest and helpful and if I’m being dumb, she’ll tell me:o) She’s been my support throughout the years in regards to many issues and now we’ve added “being a mommy” to the list.

Overall, lately I’m feeling very overwhelmed. And it’s easy for that emotion to get away from me and take off for the “crazy cliff.” It’s important to keep a reign on these negative emotions. And the first step I’ve found myself taking is trying to figure out where it’s coming from. WHAT is going on right now that might be causing me to feel this way? And I have to look deeper than the “I’m just stressed” excuse. Right now my valid excuse is the anxiety I feel about school starting soon. There will be a lot of changes to my schedule, Autumn’s schedule, our household atmosphere and with that comes the feeling of guilt, pressure, happy, sad, etc. Once I know where/what the problem is I don’t try to make it go away. You feel how you feel and that isn’t going to necessarily go away. However, I can ease the feelings. I can talk about it. I can come up with chore lists and meal planning to help the transition in our household easier. I can set aside special time for my family to ease the guilt.

Some days are better than others. Some days will be great. Some days will suck. This is the life of all parents. This is what I…WE…have signed up for. But there’s no reason to let the emotions overrun us. There’s no reason to think we’re the only ones that feel like we’re crazy.

So…how do deal? How do you anchor and reign in your emotions when you feel out of control? If we’re all in this together, then we need to help each other. You don’t need to spill your guts (I’ve HARDLY touched the surface!), but it’s been very helpful reading other women’s struggles and knowing I’m not alone. And sometimes their ways of coping are useful in my everyday life, too.

Suggestions Wanted!!!!

In a few weeks I will begin the fall semester. Yikes! The pros and cons of this is a whole other post in itself (to come shortly...). Right now I'm trying to think of ways to make my crazy, full schedule easier at home. I'll be taking classes 2 mornings a week, working from 12/1-6ish, and then doing homework at night. That leaves little time for cleaning, cooking, chores, etc. Here's what I've come up with so far. ANY suggestions (especially if you are/have been a mommy/part-time employed/part-time student all at once) are welcome!

~Minimize dishes - paper plates & cups. Sorry environment:o( This definitely helped those first few weeks of post-baby so I think it will be beneficial during this crazy time in our household.

~Minimize chores/try not to do everything at once! I want to make a specific (and SIMPLE) chore list for each day of the week. I have a tendency to try to do everything in one night and get exhasuted/frustrated because trying to do it all means that nothing gets done completely! Also, if I make a chore list and stick it to the fridge or backdoor, then Shawn will know what I would like help with! He's so awesome at helping out when I leave a list of random chores to do when he knows I'm super busy.

~Meal planning. I want to start planning meals a week or so in advance & include shopping lists for each week (and of course add anything that comes up randomly during the week...like toilet paper!) This way I have one less thing to do on a Saturday morning when I'm getting ready to do grocery shopping.

~Mass cooking. This also worked during pregnancy when I was in school. I found I had little time/desire to cook in the evenings after work because 1) I was tired and 2) I had homework to do. I did a lot of cooking over the weekend and stuck everything in the fridge for that week to just be heated up. It worked out pretty awesome.

What ideas do YOU have?