So apparently....

God is having a good laugh right now and making me feel like a total jackass. Please PLEASE ignore my stupid, moronic, totally pointless post from yesterday evening. I am...indeed...PREGNANT!!!! Here be your proof:

So, this morning my PMS symptoms had pretty much disappeared and there was no sign of Aunt Flo arriving. I know I said that I'd wait til June 1, but considering it's Sunday and everyone was home today I just went ahead and got some tests. The bottom test was the first. You can BARELY see the line when you're looking right at it, so you definitely can't see it in the picture...but it's there. I ALMOST threw it out, but I waited it out and sure enough there was a VERY light pink line!!! And so after freaking out to my bff (my husband was up the street helping a friend do yardwork) I took another test, the middle one. And a line was def there!

So I told the hubby and the friends up the street and then I called my other bff. Both my girlfriends came over, so I had my two girls, one of their husbands and a baby with me at my house while I did the last test - the digital - and it most definitely says that I'm PREGGO!

So that is that. I've been hanging and having baby talk with my friends. Now my husband is actually taking me to a concert - guess I shouldn't have a beer tonight, eh?

As for telling people - well - the few people who read this blog as of right now already know:o) Hubby's family knows - here in NC and NJ - and a bunch of his friends. He can't seem to keep his lips shut:oP I've asked him to stop telling so many people for a few reasons: I have yet to tell my family...maybe we'll see my brother tonight to tell him and his wife. I'll see my dad in person in 3 weeks, so we'll tell him then just in time for Father's Day. When to tell my boss - not sure yet. Most likely this week.

And that's about where it stands - I'm preggo - we're happy and there's a lot to start getting done!!!!!

It can't be...can it? vent

I'm obsessive, I know. But you're reading this...so you can just deal with it or hit the little red "x" over on the side, haha! This type of post might happen occassionally.

It's P-day + 4 now. Day 40 of my cycle. And my face continues to break out and my boobs are extremely sore. Like PMS sore. I'm mad. The evil biatch hasn't shown her face yet, but I'm waiting. Seriosuly, my LONGEST cycle in at LEAST 7 months. That's just not right. Not only does that remind me that me trying to track my cycles is absolutely USELESS in letting me know when the best time to get pregnant, but it is telling me that I need to realize there's a damn good chance I'm not even ovulating.

This is what is SUPPOSED to happen: Person A worries about nothing and everything happens to them. Person B worries about everything, but nothing ever happens. I'm supposed to be Person B! I've always wondered if getting pregnany was going to be complicated, so that means it's NOT supposed be. It's supposed to work like "Oh, Cici, you were just being silly and see, you had nothing to worry about in the first place because you got KTFU right away."

Oh, and it doesn't help that today I saw an aquaintance who is recently pregnant (unplanned as far as I know). She's in a fairly new relationship, now preggo, now getting married, etc. And I'm like WTF did I do wrong? I'm happy for her - don't get me wrong - she's always wanted kids and I'm glad that she's doing well and so happy! But now all of my hubby's friends, especially, are like, "you guys are up!!!" and what am I supposed to say?! "Well, we're TRYING, but my body hasn't gotten the memo yet?!"

Reminder to self: God has a plan. God does not work on your schedule and he throws a good majority of your plans out the window for what He knows is better for you. Oh...and there are people out there who have worked far harder and longer to get pregnant who would smack you upside the head for acting this moronic so early in TTC. Get a grip. Be thankful that you are still young and healthy and that you have time. And if you need to seek out more medical help, you always find a way to make it come together. It will be ok.

If you're wondering...

It's P-day + 3. Offically day 39 of my cycle, the longest cycle I've had in 7 cycles (possibly longer, but I wasn't keeping track before then). I was right next to a Dollar Tree and did NOT get a test. I am showing restraint and some major discipline and holding off til June 1 to test if I don't get my period.

Even though I probably just jynxed myself for writing this and will get it this afternoon:oP

Random stuff from Carolina Parent

As I was leaving Monkey Joe's today the new Carolina Parents (June issue) were getting swapped out from the last month's, so I grabbed it on the way out and have looked it over. No special articles really came up in regards to pregnany, early childcare, etc. But, they do have a few "top picks" of some things that I'd thought I'd share. Oh, unless it's in quote, the information AFTER the product name is just my own opinions:o)

My Brest Friend Deluxe: Since I know someone who actually used a My Brest Friend product (possibly even this one?) I can say I've definitely seen it in action and it works.

Best Shower Gift: "Pregnancy, Childbirth & the Newborn: The Complete Guide (Medically Updated)." The ad reads, "Our testers loved this book's positive, thorough approach to preparing new parents for thei birth experience. It encourages questions, offers alternatives, and empowers parents-to-be to make decisions based on accurate, balanced research and personal choice." Sounds right up my alley!

Just for fun: "Sleep is for the Weak: The best of the mommybloggers including Amalah, Finslippy, Fussy, Woulda Shoulda Coulda, Mom-101, and more!" Basically a collection of real essays/blogs from moms that are sweet, funny, serious and filled with various viewpoints. Sounds like a must-have!

Top Pick: ERGObaby Carrier. I've always been partial to the Bjorn, but that's because I've never used an ERGO. I'll be doing PLENTY of research into carriers, believe you me!

Philips Avent DECT Monitor (SCD 520). I'm sure it works great, but we live in a small two bedroom home right now, so I don't think I'll be needing a $150 monitor.

Summit 360 by Baby Jogger. I've used jogging strollers before and I actually don't prefer them to regular strollers. I know...I'm not quite the jogger, so maybe I don't get the real experience of it, but I have gone for long walks around the lake and on other paths and they have proved more of a pain.

Top Pick: Symphony Featuring Surelatch All-in-One Carser by EvenFlo. My bff works at BRU, so I plan on checking with her thoroughly before ever putting a carseat in my vehicle. She knows far more than me. However, this one sounds decent. 5-100 lbs, read or foward facing positions and can also be used as a booster seat later. And it has SureLATCH connecters. I still think I'd like to get an infant seat but this is something I'll be doing tons of research on too.

Wonder Bumpers: Go Mama Go Designs. Expensive, but a creative twist on breathable bumpers. Kinda neat, but I probably won't get them.

So that's it. Nothing super exciting. I jsut felt the need to so something with my blog today. Hope you found that somewhat interesting.

Today be the day?

So I kinda fibbed. I took a dollar tree pg test days ago...Friday? obviously thinking - if I'm pg, even if it is a few days before my missed period it would show up. Negative. I was also thinking - if I know, then I won't be stressed out and my period will just come instead of showing up late cause I'm stressing. But, negative has still not lead to a period.

And yesterday....I was just sitting around feeling really fatigued. I've been battling allergies, so I have snot like CRAZY, but it wasn't sickness I was feeling. It was blahness. And I can't say I've really felt that way recently. So hubby mentioned how "that might be a good thing." And I said we might know by today...so I got to thinking...and I went to CVS and got an early (know 5 days sooner before your missed period) pg test. I THINK it said negative, but the test was honestly NOT clear. I'm not an idiot, but I think it got screwed up...maybe not enough pee or something.

I'm patient with children, with schoolwork, with my friends and family and my husband. I'm patient with pets.

I am not patient with pregnancy. It's a fault - so sue me!

But today is the day I SHOULD start my period....if my body wants to follow a schedule. I think I will TRY to wait it out til June 1 before taking another test.

I hate this shit honestly.............

Future Fashion Help

http://shopping.msn.com/content/editor-s-picks-fashion-for-the-mom-to-be/ctid6472/?contenttext=contentname:editor-s-picks-fashion-for-the-mom-to-be&ptnrid=164&ptnrdata=304457&GT1=37003

So sad...

This is a total shame and makes me so sad. The health system in this country is far from perfect, but at least it is far more advanced than other countries. My life has always been surrounded by childred - they define my life - and something like this makes me want to do something to help children and mothers. Sharing this article is something, I guess. Helping tell a story. Maybe one day I'll have the guts to do something more.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/24/health/24birth.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&ref=health

Bad habits...

So, I used to smoke. My husband still smokes. We know lots of people who smoke. So, we're definitely not part of the group of people who act all righteous cause they don't smoke and they would never think of participating in such a bad habit. I'm not saying ALL people act like that who don't smoke/have never smoked...but there are some people out there that just really act like they're better than you. Anyway, that's not the point...I'm just saying I'm NOT one of those people because of the article I'm about to link below. I'm not pointing my finger at anyone nor am I trying to be hypocritical. I just found it interesting.

It's universal knowledge that smoking is bad for any individual and second hand smoke is bad, too. But what about third hand smoke? Never heard of it? Neither did I til I read the article. It makes sense, I guess I just never thought there was a real term for it. I keep a copy of the article on my fridge, hoping that my hubby will quit soon. And when a baby does come along, I think we're definitely going to have to draw some lines about the smoking zones.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/03/health/research/03smoke.html

6 days and counting...

So, if my body has decided to be cooperative (which is almost never is), Monday the 25th is when I would be due to start my next menstrual cycle. The past few months I've been on a 35-day cycle, but I have never really had a "normal" cycle to begin with.

What is normal anyway? I mean, they teach you in middle school sex ed that a woman's cycle is 28 days long. I know ONE woman who has a 28 day cycle naturally (those of you on birth control pills don't count - that's cheating!). ONE woman. Everyone else I know is just like me - abnormal. It makes no sense. If the majority of women don't have a 28-cycle, then wouldn't we be the normal ones and the 28-cycle chicks be abnormal? moving on..........

So yea. Next Monday I'm due to meet Aunt Flo. Will I? Who knows? God knows....but he hasn't mentioned anything to me yet. I'll keep you posted.

Vaccines

I believe when it comes to childcare these days there are two extremes: following all the rules/doctors know best no questions asked....and living life free and easy ignoring mainstream societal rules (very hippie-like).

I think I live my current life somewhere in the middle and I predict that I'll raise my children somewhere in the middle. For example: vaccines

I haven't done a whole lot of research. I've read a few articles, read a few blogs/forum boards, and talked to a few women about vaccines. What's the big deal anyway? I mean, my parents just took me to get my shots whenever the doctor said, no questions asked. Nothing happened to me, so why should I worry about my children?

First off, it's well known that there are far more vaccines available today than there were when I grew up. Just like there were more vaccines available when I was younger than there were from when my parents were kids. Medicinal knowledge just keeps growing. Unfortunately, because it's all relatively new, it makes me nervous! How many years does it really take for society to see the full blown effects from a vaccine? Sure, studies in control groups show certian side effects, the pros vs the cons, etc. But those are small numbers compared to an entire society once you start handing out a vaccine.

Second, why do you pump a tiny infant full of so many vaccines at once? I guess I understand that their immune system is still building and so you want to teach their body to fight off things at a young age, but so much at once? Do you that sometimes babies can receive up to 6 shots for 8 different diseases in ONE visit?! Ignoring the fact that it seems cruel to give that many shots....EIGHT diseases? You're going to teach a body to fight off 8 diseases at once? How can the body even know which disease to fight off first? What if a baby's immune system isn't as devloped as the baby before him and his body can only fight off 7 at one time instead of 8?! It just seems extreme!

There's a few articles in US News & World Report on vaccines that are very informative - so much so that I plan on hanging onto this magazine til I do have children. It even gives a timeline for "Typical Vaccine Schedule" vs. an "Alternate Vaccine Schedule" which I'm sure are available anywhere if you want to look it up on google.

I don't know why my parents didn't question all the vaccines I had to get when I was younger. Maybe we're just more skeptical of our doctors than they were. Maybe more accidents have occurred, or at least been brought to our attention, that make us wonder if the doctors really know what is best. Maybe doctors used to more personable and saw each individual as just that - an individual - rather than lumping everyone into categories and giving everyone the same drug, the same dose, etc.

All I know is that there is a lot of medicine out there. And there are a lot of vaccines that I think do a great job at what they're supposed to do. But I definitely intend on researching as much as I can and I plan to ask questions and be skeptical. Because a baby is tiny and it will be my responsibility to know what is going in him/her and it will my job to be educated. Sometimes the only person you can really trust is yourself, so you better do the research and put in the effort to do what is best for your baby. I know I plan to!

Book Recommendation

Note to self: You are so lucky to have a best friend who just totally gets you - Thanks Boo!

So, I just got an e-mail w/ this book recommendation:

http://www.amazon.com/Your-Best-Birth-Discover-Experience/dp/0446538132/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1242840381&sr=1-1

It's definitely something I'll be picking up when I get a BFP!

Teen Birth Video

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30845658?GT1=43001

I haven't seen the whole video. Supposedly it's very graphic. After being taken down from YouTube it's supposedly back up, so feel free to go search for it. My opinion? I give them kudos for letting the teens make the decisions on how to film it/direct it since it was directed towards their peers. But I think it's extreme. I get the point, "it's not what you expected," but I don't think it's realistic either. It's saying, "if you get pregnant, you're giving birth on a football field and that is just tragic and horrifying." I'm sure most people will have the common sense to realize that a situation like that happening in real life is slim. Sure, people have given birth in cars when it's been quick labor...and teens have given birth at a prom in a toilet stall...but generally, for the most part, if/when any woman goes into labor there is usually some commen sense around that will help that woman get the medical attention needed. I doubt she'd be left stranded on a football field. I understand they don't want flyers or lectures from adults because it's too "preachy," but how about lectures/videos of teen moms who are living it in real life. The hardest part about parenting, especially teen parenting, isn't the labor...I think the focus needs to be more on the life after labor.

The article also mentions sex ed in school as young as elementary. Now, I consider elementary grades K-4/5. I'm sorry, but this is too young for a school to be teaching sex ed. Those are what ages? as young as 4 to as old as 10? That's too young. Parents shouldn't have a problem with their 10 years old, or younger, having sex because at that age your child shouldn't be anywhere or with anyone that would put them in that sort of situation. As they get older and are allowed to go roaming around town and head off to whoever's friends houses...sure...talk with them about it then. But at 10 years old there should still be a RESPONSIBLE adult somewhere in the vicinity of children that can keep an eye on behavior. Common freakin sense. I think it's important for parents to be honest with their children and teach them certain things - like what is ok and not ok to do with your bodies, but a full blown sex ed class in school. No. I wouldn't be ok with that. I would prefer to hold that off until middle-school age.

But that's just my opinion.

Creativity in the works...

So whenever I get around to not being lazy, I'm going to try to do thins sort of project for my bff's son

http://www.michaels.com/art/online/projectsheet?pid=e07602&categoryid

Of course, his name isn't Sara and I don't think his color is quite pink;o)

I also want to do some stuff for our home, but for some reason I'm more motivated to do things for other people's homes before my own. I'm all for saving money while decorating and I'm actually pretty crafty when I put my mind to it, so why not? Doing crafts actually relieves a lot of tension (for me anyway). So, I think soon I'll get started on this project and maybe a few others. It's never too early to start thinking about nursery decor!

If you're having a boy...

"Circumcision reduces the risk of genital herpes, HPV infection"

Another article from Carolina Parent May 2009. I just found it interesting. According to an article in New Englad Journal of Medicine heterosexual men who have a circumcision significantly reduce their risk of getting HSV-2, which causes gential herpes, and HPV, which can cause cancer and gental warts. The article also states that earlier studies done show that circumcision also reduces the risk of a heterosexual man getting HIV by more than 50%.

For more information there was a link http://www.niaid.nih.gov/

Prenatal Yoga Article

I might have a lot of posts this first week or so since I have scraps of articles torn out of magazines and such everywhere in my house.

I got this one out of Carolina Parent for May 2009. "New Prenatal Yoga DVD" It's a new DVD with Desi Bartlett for prenatal yoga that is supposed to help build strength and stamina, reduce stress and fatigue, and help pregnany woman connect with their babies and changing bodies. It sounds right up my alley!! 1 - 20 min and 2 - 10 mins practices for only $14.99. There's also a link if anyone else is interested www.acaciacatalog.com

And so it begins...

I've been debating for awhile starting this blog and now that I've figured out what to call it I guess I can begin.

What will this blog be about? A part of me was putting this blog off til I got pregnant b/c I knew I wanted to have a baby blog, but why should I wait til then? Right now my husband and I are currently TTC. Being one who believes in preparing for things, or at least learning as much as you can to prepare for something, I'm always reading articles, books, blogs, boards, etc to research as much as I can about TTC, pregnancy, birth, and childcare. Being a nanny and in the childcare service for several years now really takes an edge off the childcare unknowns that most first-time parents go through, but I by no means no everything and every child is different, so it's always good to read up on new things.

So, I guess, right now, this blog isn't ABOUT me...it's FOR me. Knowledge is power - not like superior to others kind of power, but self-esteem power. It's impossible to know everything and anything and the only thing definite in life is that it is unpredictable. However, there are things that I have been reading that I want to remember when the time comes that we are parents. I feel like we can be better parents, and that I will have a healthier pregnancy one day, if I put all my ideas and thoughts in a single place - a scrapbook of ideas - that I can go back to and pull from when the time is right.

So, I won't be blogging in great detail about our efforts to TTC. Maybe a post here and there, but nothing too personal. For now...this blog will be full of articles I find interesting, thoughts and ideas I've picked up from others or on my own.

And one day, I hope soon, I will get to take everything I've written and put it to good use and this blog will transform into the baby blog I'm anxiously awaiting it to be.