Monday, June 29, 2009
sooner or later I have to poop, right? RIGHT?!
Oh, and no, I have no shame. Constipation is a part of life, especially pregnant life, so I'm embracing this fact and just discussing it - that's just the way it is my dearies:oP
Friday, June 26, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Oh the joys of pregnancy...
Sunday, June 21, 2009
As far as the pregnancy goes...baby is NOT being nice. The past two days have been rough with bloating. I know that sounds so not-serious, but it's SO uncomfortable. It's not cramping or morning sickness, it's this constant walking around feeling like your full of gas. UGH! It sucks. I have yet to get sick (knock on wood). It's just SO UNCOMFORTABLE! And I have to drive 8 hours tomorrow, so I'm REALLY praying I don't feel like this.
Friday, June 19, 2009
So...that brings us to pregnancy horomones! JOY! Granted, I figured I was going to have a tough time dealing with my horomones and I was right. This week it seemed that I had completely random trains of thought that would lead me to some emotional pitfall which lead me to tearing up. The majority of the time I recognized, "This is just my horomones, you're perfectly ok, just breathe and move on." Last night was completely different. I've been having trouble sleeping and my neck hurts a lot. On top of being emotional I dealt with some anxiety issues - which I think I figured out how to deal with, but anyway - so thoughts lead to more thoughts and I got to thinking about my mom. And I broke down. My husband was up the street working on a friend's truck, so I was alone @ 1am crying for a good 20 mins. I actually just let it happen because I figured it was what I needed and I did feel much better afterwards. Hubby came home really late, but I was still up and we talked about it and then, after he made me laugh a few times, I felt better and was finally able to drift off to sleep around 2am.
And the adventure begins....
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I think I like the first person better, but I'm waiting to hear back from both people via e-mail.
Side note: I slept like poo last night. And apparently the baby does NOT like the fast food I grabbed for lunch b/c my tummy has just been unhappy since I ate. I feel so gross.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Basically I've only steamcleaned one room, with one more to go tonight (maybe I'll do the living room, too).
My hard-working husband cleaned the ENTIRE back porch aka his "man cave." He emptied every piece of furniture and wall poster he had in there, hosed down the entire place from ceiling to floor and then vaccumed up all that disgusting grime into the shop-vac given to us by my brother. We washed all the bankets that he hangs over the blinds to keep the room shady, so it smells VERY fresh anytime a breeze comes in. He also rearranged some furniture, which made for more room and it seems much cozier now. Granted, he'll still smoke in there, but it's made a HUGE difference since we've lived here for 3 years and it's never had that kind of cleaning before.
We have tons more to battle: (note: this list is more for me to refer back to when I'm looking for something to do, so feel free to ignore)
- clean under the sink & organize (maybe pick up small medicine-size bins)
- clean out nursery closet (DEF need new bins - large for clothes and misc)
- empty entire living room for a ceiling to floor cleaning
- fresh coat of paint to all white walls
- clean/organize living room closet
- go through clothes & get rid of things not needed
- organzie secretary's desk
- clean cabinet surfaces in kitchen
- clean fridge/freezer
Once the organizing gets done it's not much to do. It's just a matter of having the time to go through it all and putting stuff where it belongs.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
So, yea this is the "I feel bloated all the time" look. Whenever I eat I expand in places I don't normally expand and I feel weird and very bloated.
I actually feel like there's more going on in my upper abdomen than my lower. Normally, when one chooses to do so, "sucking it in" isn't uncomfortable. It's something us women have perfected as an art and I can say that without knowing that I was doing it, I can walk around for a fairly long time "sucking it in" (ie: at the mall, wearing a bathing suit, wearing a formal dress in which every bulge shows, etc). Here's the difference now - I can't do it without feeling like there is a solid wall in my upper abdomen that is NOT allowing me to suck it in. Between where my hand is and my belly button feels solid - not like rock-hard abs solid - just like there's something stuck in there and I can't suck it in for very long without feeling uncomfortable. Also, you can't see in this pic, but the side of my abs are filling out as well. It's a very strange feeling.
Again, for reference see the first belly pic here.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Pre-pregnancy weight? between 130-132ish
About The Father
Name? My darling hubby
Height? 6'2" ish?
Are you still together? happily married:o) the fact that this question is asked proves what a sad world we live in today
About Your Pregnancy
Is this your first pregnancy? yes
When did you find out you were pregnant? May 31
Was it planned? yes
What was your first reaction? OMG! Is that line really there?!
Who was with you when you found out? my dogs...they thought i'd lost my mind
Who was the first person you told? My bff
How did your parents react? his mother cried she was so happy...we're telling my daddy next week in person
How far along are you? about 6ish weeks
What was your first symptom? missed period and sore boobies
What is your due date? approx Jan 27 - Feb 1 (most likely closer to Feb)
Do you know the sex of the baby? no, but we intend to find out
If so, what is it?
Have you picked out names? Jack, if it's a boy - no middle name. We're still discussing first names for a girl, but her middle name will be Dawn.
If so, what are they? oh, see above
How much weight have you gained? maybe a pound? i don't have morning sickness, so I haven't lost any weight, but i don't think i've been overeating either. i might be breaking even.
Do you have stretch marks? not yet
Have you felt the baby move? of course not
Have you heard the heartbeat? no, but i can't wait!
About the birth
Will you keep the baby? why ask this question AFTER all the questions above?! yes, we're keeping it!
Home or hospital birth? birthing center - best of both worlds!
Natural or medicated birth? natural
Who will be in the delivery room with you? my husband and probably a midwife or two
Will you breastfeed? yes
Do you think you'll need a c-section? i hope not
Will you cry when you hold the baby for the first time? most definitely
What's the first thing you might say to him/her? i love you
Would you let someone videotape the birth? eh. maybe pictures, but i cannot imagine watching my own birth video - i have enough issues watching my own perfomances on stage, lol!
Are you excited about the birth, or scared? absolutely both!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
My dreams...no nightmares...began the first night we found out. Discussing them afterwards with my husband or friends I try to giggle them off, but to be perfectly honest, when I first wake up from these nightmares I am scared out of my mind. For several reasons. Most often I believe that what is in a dream is most often caused by what is going on in our real lives - who we see, what we're doing, what our fears are, what news story/television sitcom we're watching that night, etc. Normally, whatever the last thing you thought about that night or did that day will end up somehow in your dream. This would explain my nightmares that have fears of miscarriage, something happening to my husband, something being wrong with my baby, etc. I find this completely normal and it sometimes puts my mind at ease. Unfortunately, I seem to also have a knack for dreams that have NOTHING to do with anything currently going on in my life to have an effect on my future. Call me crazy, that's ok, I don't care. I've dreamt things that have later come a part of reality that NO ONE can explain. I'm not psychic and I certainly don't consider it a gift - more like a cruel joke. So there is this tiny part of me that always worries - no matter what the subject is - on what my dreams could mean for me. Take that feeling and put my pregnancy in the mix...not only am I up for some wild, crazy dreams....I'm sure there's a few anxiety attacks in there, too.
I was part of an online community during my engagement. And now I'm part of one during my pregnancy. I have internet friends and THAT is how I explain it - I love the weird looks people give me when I say that:o) A community of women during such critical times in one's life is so helpful and uplifting - especially if not a lot of your in-real-life (IRL) friends are going through these changes also. So, I have this group of gals that I'm getting to know - from all sorts of backgrounds and lifestyles and it's a beautiful thing! But at times this community brings my heart so much sadness. Watching the news is bad enough for me - any sad story about a child can get me crying like a baby. Sad stories break my heart. And here I have a community where not every story has a happy ending. There are complicated pregnancies, unexpected diagnosed illnesses, accidents, sickness, and losses. These are women that I am getting to know and want to know better, so their stories of hurt and sorrow make my heart so sad. When things are good - they're great, when things are bad - they seem so dismal. And this is what reminds me that I'm not through this pregnancy yet. I'm in the early stages and ANYTHING can happen. Nothing is for sure...ever...in life. But most especially now.
So while I put on my happy face and go on with my day like a happy pregnant woman, rest assured that I am still scared shitless! I will go on reassuring myself that all I can do is the best I can do and whatever will be, will be.
I go on with a joyful heart. But I am humbled before God's plan for whatever may happen.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
I figured if I've got about 34-35 weeks left of pregnancy & I buy at least 1-2 diapers each week that would put me anywhere are about 34-70 diapers total. Now, I don't think I need that many...but when I think i have enough I can go ahead and purchase things like CDs, wetbags, pail liners, fitted covers, and special laundry detergent.
I can see how this become addicting....
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
(1) This has actually been an image in my head for awhile. Even before I was pregnant. It's a tattoo I'd LOVE to get on my back one day (drawn by a better artist of course). It's a man's set of hands encompassing a woman's set of hands and together they are encompassing this blue mass. I took a picture of me and my husband in this position (you can tell his hands are more defined than my arms w/ NO hands, lol and that's because I got tired of trying to hard to get it "right"). To me, the hands are no just me and my husband, but all the men and women who will help me get through birth. My parents, his parents, our brothers and sisters, close friends, even God and our own child. I named this "Joined Together" or "Helping Hands." I guess both titles work. The blue/purple mass is neither male or female. It represents the environment our child is coming from - calm, fluid-like - and into the environment we hope to bring it into to - a calm, water birth.
(2) This is "Poppy Seed Birth." The first thing my bff researched when I got my BFP was what size my baby was at the time. It was the size of a poppy seed. I know it has grown since then, but that image has always been stuck in my head. So, in the center is a flesh colored poppy seed. Surrounding it is the pink, calmness of my vagina/uterus where it's been safe. The red & orange rays around it represent the pain that I will go through in labor. On the right side, if you can see it, it's supposed to be my flesh colored legs open to give birth. On the left is the blue water we hope it will enter the water in. The green line is the umbilical cord that has been providing the life source between me and my baby.
(3) This one is "Time Spent With You." It's less detailed than I'd like and I think that's because I DONT have the belly yet. First of all, you see my BIGGEST desire for the nursery - a rocking chair! I love them and must have one. MUST! Or I might just call off this whole pregnancy thing, lol! It takes place at night (the moon) which is when I feel most relaxed and usually take some quiet time for myself. I hope that while I'm pregnant I will take some quiet time with my baby, whether it be just listening to music, reading books, or just talking to it. Yep, I'm going to be one of those pregnant woman who want to do those sort of things before he/she is even born.
If you have other thoughts on my art (often other people recognize things that the artist themselves doesn't see), please feel free to share. Also, if you have suggestions on how to cope with my fears (present and future) I'm always open to suggestions. I love ideas!
I'm really pumped about the birthing center. To me...it just feels right.
Does any first time mother know what she's getting in to? Realistically, no! There is no way I can ever imagine the feeling of going into labor, my water breaking, contractions, all the pain, the worry, the joy, the chances of something going wrong, etc. There is no way to 100% prepare for all of that because you won't really know any of it until you're in the moment. What can a first time mother do? Well, talk to other mothers who have gone through labor, BUT realize that your bith will NOT be the same. There are a lot of similarities in births, but also a LOT of differences for each woman and that's important to know.
I based my decision to have my birth at a birthing center because I just do not want a hospital birth. It's not the environment I want. I've read lots of birth stories and I've talked to other women who have had hospital births and each one was different and I recognize that mine will be different also. But there are enough similarities for me to recognize that it's not what I want. Maybe I just hate hospitals and that has something to do with it. I want to be in a normal, calm environment that will hopefully make me more relaxed and less worried and less anxious than if I'd be in a hospital. I want things to be as natural as possible. Not rushed. And THAT IS OKAY! A part of me is really bothered that when I say I want to have a med-free birth they're like, "Really? We'll see..." like they don't think I know what I'm getting to. A part of them is right, I don't know what I'm getting in to. BUT, that doesn't mean I don't know what I WANT!
I believe it is important for a woman who wants to have a med-free birth to BELIEVE with all her heart and mind and body that she really can do it. I also believe it's important that she have a strong support system of people who believes she can do it, too. Not people who laugh and think she'll cave into drugs when the pain gets intense. I've already had someone close to me almost laugh out loud at the idea that I could do it. And that really hurts. I am always open to ideas, suggestions, and concerns. But straight up doubt, laughter, or complete disbelief that I am capable of doing something...that's just mean and NOT what I need in my life for the next 30+ weeks.
Whew...I've been harboring that for like a week. I feel a little better now - a little stronger. I'm sure there will be more posts similar as more people find out and I need to justify birthing on my terms.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
I also started the wonderful book that my bff gave me (did I ever tell you that she is the BESTEST EVER?!). It's called "Birthing From Within" and it really discusses the emotional, psychological and physical realities of childbirth. It's really about putting the parents in control of the birth rather than the medical field. I have read a few chapters already and I've asked my DH to follow along with me and do the exercises with me (since he too wants to follow this sort of path for our childbirth). It's my belief that something like this - less texty and more interactive and engaging - will bring us closer together and be more supportive of each other during the next 35+ weeks.
The tour dates/times are not the mos convenient for those people who actually work for a living, lol:o) BUT, I'm off work that week so it all worked out great! I'm so excited...and nervous...and excited!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Shawn and I have been talking about this place for some time and not just the center itself, but the type of birth we want for our child. I think every person is different and I respect every woman's view on how she wants her birth to go. I, personally, do not want to be in an environment that is more encouraging of labor-inducing drugs or pain killers or c-sections. I'm not saying that won't turn out to be what happens if there's an emergency. BUT, if I can have a labor without those things around me and I feel like I did my best and then the medically trained people who don't normally encourage the other things say, "you need to go over there now!"...well then...at least I did my best and I know that I couldn't change what happens.
So, anywho, I called the Birth Center and talked to a very nice woman. She went over a lot of info on the phone, which was VERY useful, and then asked me to set up a date for the introductional tour that's required before registration. I need to check my dates and double check my availability. Then Shawn went over the information I received and he seems very pleased.
My bosses know. That was nerve-wrecking! I don't know why - I guess because there are so many "what-ifs" as my bff puts it. They would like to keep me on as long as possible and I'd like to stay on, so it's not a question of what we all want, it's what might happen if it doesn't work out according to plan. I do know that they are very supportive people and I'm lucky to have such a wonderful job!
So, it's been a busy day so far. I feel fine. Hope the rest of the day goes well!