Birth Story (very loooong!)

Got your popcorn & soda? Good! Because this is going to be a pretty long story!

6:30pm Monday (2/8) - I had JUST left work. Rob (boss-man) had come home that night since Ann had something work related to be at. He had given me "permission" to go ahead and have the baby "whenever!" because the grandparents were on their way back to the state, the mom's comferences were now over and some sense of normalcy was returning to the home where my need to be there was not urgent. So, I'm a few blocks away from the house and all of a sudden I felt three significant GUSHES of fluid. I'd been having leakage, which is normal, but this was entirely different! And I thought, "If this isn't my water breaking, I don't know what else it could be!" I had a feeling we'd be having a baby very soon. I called Rob to tell him that my daughter apparently listened to our coversation and decided she wanted to come out within the next day - I was likely not going to be at work the following day (and THAT is what you get for telling a pregnant woman she can go into labor!). I called Shawn, who was down the street from our house. He said he'd meet me at home. I called Boo who was just as ecstatic as I was. AND I called the birth center. Sarah was on-call. She instructed us to eat a decent dinner and call back by 8pm, about an hour later, and we'd make up a "plan."

We eat spaghetti. We went for a walk around the block - it was COLD! Shawn showered. Meanwhile I had had a few more significant gushes. My fluid was clear. None of my contractions were timeable and felt nothing more than my usual Braxton Hicks.

We called Sarah back at 8. We made a plan to meet at the birth center at 930 to be monitored. Shawn drove. On the way there I had maybe 3 contractions I could time at about 10 minutes apart, which is still very early in labor. We arrive and I get a dose of anti-biotics for my Group B Strep. That took about 20 minutes. They monitored Autumn to see if she would do some "tricks" - basically, that her heart rate would go up by about 10-15 beats per minute during my contractions. It took her awhile and she was kind of lazy about it, but she finally did enough that Sarah was happy. Because I was Strep B positive, she said she would NOT do an internal check because of risk for infection. Also, they generally like to see me in ACTIVE labor within 12 hours and have the baby within 24 hours. She sent us away with a shopping list: 4oz of castor oil, ice cream, & peanut butter cups. And rest! If I was not in active labor by 4am, I was to miz 2 oz of castor oil with 1 cup of ice cream and chase it with a peanut butter cup. And we were to arrive back at the birth center between 6-7am.

Not much had been happening in regards to contractions. Oh, and while at the birth center they had checked my undies - which I hadn't leaked in awhile - to test for amniotic fluid and it came up negative. So on the way home I was like, "Did my water really break? Or am I stupid and this is a total bust and I'm wasting everyone's time?" I was second-guessing myself completely. Then we got to Walgreens, picked up our shopping list, and while we were there ANOTHER 2 gushes came and went. I was SURE that this was a sign I was having a baby. We checked out, ran to Cookout for food because Shawn was hungry, and got home about 1145pm. Sarah called just as we walked in the door and now SHE was second-guessing that my water broke because she had looked at my chart and saw that I had questions about leaking the week before. But I told her that this was definitely a different feeling and that it had just happened again while we were at the store. She said that she believed me, she was okay with everything and we were to follow the plan.

I went to bed at 12am and woke up at 3:30am. No sign of active labor. I drank the castor oil milkshake - was it yummy? Absolutely not. Was it awful? Not really. I thought of it as a really gross protein shake for dieting that I just had to drink once and get it over with...and then I chased it with the peanut butter cup to get rid of the texture in my mouth.

Nothing happened. Well...about 20 minutes later I had some tummy rumbles and hit the bathroom, but it wasn't explosive or anything and afterwards I felt fine. Not even hard line contractions. I woke Shawn up at 5am CRYING because I thought everything was a waste of time and I was stupid and I was going to feel so embarrassed walking back into the birth center where they'd tell me I was NOT in labor:o( Shawn reassured me that I knew my body, my water HAD broken, and we were having a baby soon. He was exhausted and that's not a good combination with driving, so because I felt absolutely nothing going on with me, I drove.

Yes, I drove.

And about half way there I started getting some significant menstrual like cramping going on. While driving. Surprisingly, though, I felt very much in control. And it wasn't until we hit the birth center that the cramping was so bad Shawn had to help me out of the car! We got there at 630am. I spent the first 30 minutes in the bathroom trying to get rid of cramping that was a result of the castor oil. And then...

POP! Holy Niagra Falls!!!! I gushed fluid for almost a straight 20 minutes! My water had officially ruptured! When I felt a little better I got into the bed. I received another dose of antibiotics. Autumn's heart rate was high - PROBLEM ONE. So they gave me more IV fluid, too, to hydrate me. After another 30 mins I really needed to pee, so I asked Shawn to help me up from the bed and as he did I felt this flowing water from below me that I couldn't stop. I FREAKED OUT! SHAWN...help me up! Get me to the bathroom!

I was soaked! You know the movie Coneheads when her water breaks and floods the place? That was me! Somewhat embarrassed, but laughing hysterically at what had just happened. It was all clear, so that was a good sign. And they checked her heartrate afterwards and it was back down to normal - apparently she just wanted some more room, so the absence of all that fluid made her happy. I showered afterwards because I felt gross. By this time the menstrual cramps from the castor oil had subsided and the result - which is expected from the castor oil treatment - was the start of regular contractions.

After the shower things were just chill. I'd have contractions. Her heartrate went a little high again. Sarah went off duty and Leigh-Ann came on duty, this was around 730-8am. During contractions I enjoyed squatting a lot and leaning up against the bed. Shawn remembered from birth class that he could come behind me and squat with me and then pull my belly up during contractions and this helped a lot! At one point I was getting through contractions by rocking in a rocking chair. Leigh-Ann said she wanted me to go upstairs, if I could, to have the baby be monitored on the machines. I said, "Ok, I'm just enjoying rocking right now, it's really helping, give me a minute." So what did they do? I get upstairs and they had set up a rocking chair with the machine in the LIBRARY! Which also happened to the be there small staff room where they all get their morning coffee and breakfast. And here I am with a towel around my waist and robe around my top and nekid everywhere else...and did I care?! Nope! I had no modesty!!!! It went out the window when contraction hit, people! If they didn't care - I didn't care.

Good news was that PROBLEM ONE (high heartrate) was normal. Now we had PROBLEM TWO - she wasn't doing the "trick" where her heartrate was jumping during a contraction. She was sleeping through my contractions - lazy child! They tried to wake her up by honking this bicycle horn at my belly and it did nothing. So what did we do?

Me: "Shawn...don't you have your IPOD?"
Shawn: "Yea...what do you want me to do? Play her some Slayer?"
Me: "YES!"
Leigh-Ann: "It's worth a shot!"

So, yea...we played heavy metal into my belly via IPOD headphones and it WORKED! Within 5-10 minutes Leigh-Ann said her heartrate had done the jumping she wanted done. PROBLEM TWO was solved! Also, Leigh-Ann finally wanted to do an internal check - I was 3cm and +2 station (she was already pretty darn low!). This was around, maybe 10-11am. With all the issues solved we went back downstairs to labor, Leigh-Ann was sure we could have the baby at the birth center, everything was OK!

We got back downstairs and I hit the bathroom again. I was int hebathroom I'd say 80-90% of the time I had contractions. It helped pass a lot more fluid and I was just comfy there. All of a sudden I noticed some "green show" on my pads. Merconium. DAMMIT! Leigh-Ann said that "tipped the scales" and after a talk with Maureen, another midwife, the decision was to go to the hospital for better monitoring. They just needed to make sure the baby was okay and honestly, I didn't care where I birthed - I just wanted my baby to be ok.

We left between 11a-12p (I think). The car ride was the worst.five.minute.ride.ever.

Jessie was our nurse - she also happens to be the daughter of a woman who works at the birth center - so that was comforting that she knew how we hoped our birth would go and she wouldn't be a pushy hospital person. We were only in the room a short while before I hopped into the shower. I took a LONG HOT HOT HOT shower - for at least an hour. I would stand during my contractions. squat as they faded and sit while they were gone. I was just starting to think to myself, "How much more can I take? Will I ask for pain meds? Can I finish this out?" I hopped out of the shower and it was just Leigh-Ann and I in the room. She asked me, "If you ask for meds, what do you want me to tell you? Do you want me to say 'no' or try to talk you out of it? Or do you want me to give them to you?" I asked what my options were: 1) epi - to which I said NO! and 2) Stadol (sp?) which would take the edge off, but I'd still feel it all. I asked to be checked first, before giving an answer, to see where were at. It had only been a couple of hours since I was 3cm, so we weren't expecting a huge change, BUT Leigh-Ann did say, "If you are at 8cm, I'm not giving you anything!"

I was 9cm +3 station! HA! So much for even the idea of drugs. Not happening. Also, since I was far enough along and the baby was so low she gave me permission to start bearing down if it felt better to do so. And I did. I began pushing a little after 1:30pm!

Position 1 - I was flat on my back. It worked for awhile.

Position 2 - Leigh-Ann raised the head of teh bed so I was in a more squat-like position. It worked a little better.

You really do have trouble figuring out how to push. Leigh-Ann would actually stick a few fingers "down there" and tell me to push her fingers out, which helped A LOT! It was as if X marked the spot! Also, I had a tendency to give out high pitched yelling screams, which weren't helping. Leigh-Ann said I either had to hold my breath and bear down or do low grunting screams. I can't grunt for my life, so holdin my breath and bearing down worked best. My contrations were at least 3, sometimes 4, right on top of one another before getting a break. This was very exhausting. Sometime during this a student knocked on the door and asked if she could come in to help/watch. I yelled "NO!" Generally I'm all for students. Education is awesome! However, I was already too far into pushing and I was comfortable with my birth team that I didn't want anyone else in the room or any other help. So we stuck with my three amigos - Shawn, Leigh-Ann, and Jessie.

Position 3 - Somehow I found the strength to turn around and get on my hands and knees up against the back of the bed. This position was probably the first in which I could feel I was moving her down. I was really starting to understand a GOOD PUSH and there were a few times that pushing did not, I repeat DID NOT hurt, but felt good. It was like a relief to get her moving down. I did not have many of those pushes, but when they did happen I thought to myself, "That really felt pretty good! I want to do one of those again!"

Position 4 - Leigh-Ann asked for the squat bar to be put across the bottom of the bed. I was SO tired and I hurt so much I told her I couldn't do it. I couldn't move myself to the edge of the bed, I couldn't pull myself up, and I certainly could hold myself up while bearing down. What happened? I did it all. It didn't work for long. We were having trouble getting her under my pelvic bone.

Position 5 - The head of the bed was still raised and we played tug-of-war! This was the BEST THING EVER! Leigh-Ann took a shoot and knotted both sides. Shawn & Jessie each took a leg to push back when I had a contraction. During the contraction I would hold my breath, bear down, and pull as hard as I could on the blanket while Leigh-Ann pulled the other side. This is when we were finally able to start seeing the head crown. They asked if I wanted the mirror and I said no. I really thought it would freak me out. Also, because my contractions were on top of one another and I only got a short, MAYBE 45sec-1min break, I was actually falling asleep in about 10 secs and then waking up again with the contractions.

I kept telling Shawn, "I'm so tired," "I want her to come out," "I can't do this," etc. But everyone kept reassuring me and in the back of my head I kept telling myself, "Just get her head out and you'll be done. The sooner her head it out it will all be easy after that. Push hard or this is going to take even longer!"

Position 6 - Things were progressing with every push, but we could not get her under my pelvic bone fast enough. They laid the bed almost all the way down again. I know they say this is the worst position to be in because it doesn't open up your pelvis enough, but it actually worked best for me. However, the last 20 minutes I do distinctly remember hearing a POP and asking "What was that?" but no one had heard it. More on that later...

The more I pushed, the more her head crowned. The finally told me I needed to see it and brought out the mirror. It did not freak me out. It really helped. Of course, when we got the point where her head was just sitting there stretching my vagina and it HURT, it was very hard to relax when I wasn't having a contraction. Seeing her head there I just wanted to keep pushing until she was out!

Due to the merconium at the birth center, NICU had been placed on-call. Leigh-Ann had been debating having them come in or not - she did not want other people in the room if it was unnecessary. Throughout 99% of my pushing I had had nothing but clear fluid, which was great. But near the end I had some more color and Leigh-Ann said she'd scold herself if she didn't bring NICU in the room - after all, the baby's safety was the whole reason we'd come to the hospital.

NICU arrive maybe the last 5-10 mins of my pushing. I was told that as long as the baby came out pink and crying and okay that I would get her immediately and NICU would leave asap. The women with NICU were very supportive - I could see them all in the room and made eye contact with each and every one of them, but it didn't bother me at all.

Then, finally, at 3:30pm she was born. Autumn was fine and came straight to my belly. She had had her hand up near her face & the cord was wrapped around her hand/face combo once - I really believe that her hand being between her face and the cord quite possibly saved us from any real emergency! Shawn said they threw her like a fish on top of me! She was making noises, but not screaming, so they wiped her down and sunctioned her while she was on my chest until they were happy with a single good cry. I delivered the placenta very quickly after that. I was a hysterical mess. I had never missed my Mom so much before. I told Autumn that her Grandma would have thought she was absolutely beautiful. Shawn was a crying mess, too. He was absolutely wonderful and supportive the entire labor. I could not imagine having to go through it without him. He was so strong and provided me with all the emotional support I needed.

After all was said and done NICU had to take her across the room for just a hot second - I guess it's protocol that if they're called in they have to do a few small checks on her. That's when we found out her weight was 9 lbs 4 oz. I had a small tear - not even my perinium. It was actually off to the side and Leigh-Ann gave me a local and stitched me up. Shawn said I should be thankful I didn't see what she was doing because the needle was HUGE and she was really sticking me hard, but all I could feel was pinches. I guess it doesn't really matter after you've just pushed out a 9lb baby! I do believe I received some pitocin to help with bleeding, but they were very please with my uterus getting firm and contracting right away, so it wasn't a major concern. The viatmin K shot was held off until I was breastfeeding her a little while later. We declined the Hep B & the eye goop.

Afterwards, well - phone calls, visitors, checkups from the nurses and doctors, etc. Our midwife, Sarah, came back in the morning to check in on us. She said she would fill out the paperwork to discharge us and we were leaving the hospital noon the next day.

Official stats: Autumn Dawn was born 3:30pm, Tuesday February 9, 2010. 9 lbs 4 oz, 21.25 in long, 13.5 in head cir. She passed her hearing! She breastfeeds like a champ! She sleeps awesome! And she's absolutely perfect<3

Blogging at 6am.

This is what you get:

HAWT!!! Don't I know it! Enjoy.

So, let's talk about my battle with STRETCHIES! They are sneaky little monsters! Can I tell you how many times Shawn said to me, "Cocoa butter. Cocoa butter! COCOA BUTTER! Or you're going to get stretchies..." and my response each and every single time "I don't want to. If you don't want me to have stretchies then YOU come in and cocoa butter my belly." He didn't. I didn't. The result - I have stretchies. BUT I SWEAR I DIDNT SEE IT COMING! Why?

I am one to thoroughly inspect my belly. Belly inspecting was like looking at a windshield after a rock has put a gouge in it and you make sure each and every single day that new cracks haven't stemmed from that gouge. I would triple check my scars from surgery, my belly button, and my side stretchies that already existed from normal teenage growth. NOTHING new had arisen. Then I finally woke up and realized the sad truth. They.had.been.hiding.

Shawn said, "They're all right there!" WHERE? Under my belly? NO! That's just the ridges from my pants and stuff. But I checked anyway, when he wasn't looking, and he was right:o( There are definitely impressions from the pants I wear, but there are other markings too. One that show wear and tear on a body. PICTURE TIME:

First, DICLAIMER - this is very much zoomed in! This is not my entire belly! This is the small pelvic corner on my left side, which is my worse side. I think it's worse than the right side because this is the side that her head was "stuck" on during most of the pregnancy. You can clearly note the ridge at the bottom from my pj pants and sleeping on my side all night. But those little pink/purple squigglies going up my belly are clearly stretchies.

I could blame Shawn for not doing his husbandly duties and coming in to cocoa butter my belly. But I won't. Because I can honestly say that I was just lazy and half-ass about the care of my belly and therefore it's my own fault. Even now, to try to prevent worse occurrences, I still only cocoa butter or Vitamin E oil once in a while. I'm lucky that my body handles scarring really well and I might be able to fix some it with a LOT of time and care.

But if not...I won't stress. Nope. Won't even let it bother me come bathing suit season. They are scars, but they are battle scars. The battle of pregnancy and ultimately I'm going to win! Stretchies can do their damage, but I still get the prize, so a few scars to show that aren't going to bother me in the least:o)

PROGRESS!!!!

I dare say that I do believe I lost my mucus plug this morning! Now let's all be adults about this and not get grossed out...it's a natural part of the birthing process! I mean...it's not like I'm posting a picture or anything! (but other people HAVE and Google Images was very helpful in determining that yes, indeed, THAT did indeed resemble a mucus plug) haha

Bad Night

You're going to have to pardon my behavior for just a moment:

IT IS TIME FOR THIS CHILD TO GET THE HELL OUT OF ME! SERIOUSLY...SHE CANNOT BE MORE READY! I AM HER MOTHER, I CAN FEEL HER AND SHE IS READY TO COME OUT, AND IT IS DOING NEITHER ONE OF US ANY FUCKIN GOOD TO KEEP HER IN THERE! I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE.

::eh hem::

Sorry about that. No, really, I am sorry. I currently feel the need to scream, cry, and freak out all at the same time. And that makes me feel very guilty, too. A part of me feels like a very bad pregnant mother. I have LOVED my pregnancy. I have had a great pregnancy. And so a part of me feels like if I have waited this long to really have issues with it, that's pretty damn good! If I feel the need to vent now and be "done" then at least I waited til the very end and wasn't like this my whole pregnancy! But then you get, "She'll come out when she's ready...she's on her own schedule...just wait til she comes out!" and that makes me feel like wanting her out NOW is selfish of me and I'm not thinking about her like I should be. And what about after she comes out? Am I to start believing that because I'm sick of being pregnant that I won't be able to handle motherhood?! Really?! Who says things like that and makes a woman who has been physically carrying around a human being for almost 10 months believe that things will only get worse if she can't handle it right now?

I think a lot of pregnant women reach a breaking point. For those that don't, congrats! Really! You're amazing! For those that do, but don't say it aloud and only your significant others and sweet pets in the house know your pain...I'm making it OK, right now, for you to let it out! Because this behavior and thought process is so unlike me. I am so torn between trying my best to be patient, praying for strength and some relief until she does decide to make her entrance in the world...and then screaming because I am so miserable right now.

Daddy's Love!

Shawn has been simply amazing the past few weeks. He's been amazing the whole pregnancy, but the last few weeks have been tough on me and he's been so supportive. First off, let me rave again about how proud I am when others tell me, "Yea...Shawn was talking about that..." He tells EVERYONE about the birth center, our birth classes, cloth diapers, the birthing process, etc. He is so well educated and takes so much pride in what he has learned and what we are about to embark on together and it is so amazing to hear other people tell me about him. He is more than a husband who simple agrees to go along with the plan; him and I have made decisions 100% together and when we make decisions he works so hard to be a part of the process. I have by no means gone through this pregnancy alone - he has been there with me for every pain, every baby decision and every pregnancy decision. I just cannot fathom doing any of it without him!

More recently he's only been more supportive. I know I've been more whiny - I've been pregnant for almost 10 months and that is my perogative! However, as I've mentioned the night has been the worst. When he comes in late at night it's usually my "pee" time and he kindly helps me up to get out of bed. He was very encouraging when it came to me moving to the couch over the weekend because it was for my comfort and he wants me to get as much rest as possible. And the nights that I suffer horrible discomfort he rubs my back and tells me, "You've done so good, honey, and you're almost there" in the kindest voice. He doesn't pretend to know what I'm going through, but he has sympathy. And he certainly doesn't brush it off as me just complaining. He shows real support.

Today I called him after my birth center appointment. I know I already wrote a post about that, but in all seriousness the discouragement was enough that I wanted to cry. It wasn't about hearing "hey, you'll probably have her tonight!" that I wanted. A regular, "Everything seems great!" would have been fine with me. But walking out of there with such unpleasant feelings and new worries was not what I wanted to hear a week before my due date. It happens. It's probably not the biggest deal. But still. And Shawn could tell how crappy I felt. He told me not to get discouraged and we'll work on getting her in the right position and do whatever we need to do. And he's 100% telling the truth when he says WE. Sure...I may be the one on my hands and knees, but just being able to talk with him about it and his interest in what I have to do makes him very much a part of the process.

And then...I came home to an awesome smell! Well, two smells actually. The carport is located next to the kitchen and I smelled yummy food! Then I got closer to the door and I smelled dryer sheets! Sure enough an amazing dinner (spaghetti w/ venison sauce, garlic bread, and salad) and some laundry was being done. We sat together and ate at the table - which rarely happens. We talked about the appointment, we laughed about some odds and ends, and it was so wonderfully relaxing. I could have cried I was so happy.

Now I'm well fed. I'm showered. I did some pelvic rocking and squats to move Autumn around. And it's almost my bedtime. I've had such an amazing night and it's all because of my wonderful, sweet, loving husband!

Joke for ya...

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other SLIDE! haha

That's from an awesome 4 year old I know!

Over the weekend I've slowly transitioned myself to sleeping on the couch. It started with naps. Then last night it became my bed. I tried to sleep in the bedroom, but I just cannot do it. Our bed is not pregnancy-friendly...especially with really bad heartburn. I can't prop myself up well enough, I can't lay on my side with a pillow comfortably enough, and getting in/out just sucks and is very painful. I LOVE our couch. I do! The comfiest couch I've ever sat on. But I miss my husband & my dogs. Shawn's so supportive. I know he misses me, but like he told me tonight "It's temporary, it's not a big deal." And he's right - I guess we're lucky this has only started when I've got 9 days left til my due date when it could have started months ago.

Braxton Hicks are intense tonight. But that's nothing spectacularly new.

Tomorrow I go for a massage! With Cheryl - the specialist who came to our child birth class! I'm SO excited!!!!! I'm hoping she can help things move along - she's good like that!

Wednesday is the 39 week birth center appointment.

Friday is the day that Shawn & Will (7 yrs old) both say Autumn will arrive - they said this on separate occasions not knowing the other one suggested it. Kinda freaky.

Sunday is the Superbowl. And the day Aunt Becky said her "niece" will arrive.

Oh...who knows.

It's February...

...just sayin;o)

Welcome to my insanity!

This is what happens when you're done "nesting" and you're stuck inside because the weather decided to be super shitty out....you record your belly movements!

LOL!!! Seriously, I did. Yep. Autumn was doing this weird "rocking" thing in my belly. Normally when she moves it's all over, but this afternoon she was just lightly pushing on my belly in a continuous motion - like she was rocking herself to sleep in my belly. It could happen - her Daddy rocks himself to sleep sometimes!

It's hard to see via video with just a belly since the movements are so small, so I placed my phone on top of my belly. You can clearly see the difference between my breathing up/down movement and her kicking movement. Enjoy. Have a good giggle.

And we're still here...

pregnant! Pregnant as I'll ever be...except if I'm still pregnant next week or the week after! Haha.

Nope. You did not come out yesterday for Grandma's birthday. Why? Because you're stubborn like your grandmother and every other woman in our family? Most likely. No, really. I know it's because you will come at your own time. That is such a sucky saying, but I know it's true.

If playing soccer for 40 mins with a 7 year old yesterday didn't make you come out, then I should leave it at that, for now. Yea...we're talking kicking and jogging here - NOT just walking around like a wimp...I was hustling kiddo! And all I got for it was a majorly sore vajay-jay (although that might have something to do with the internal exam for fluids with that awful contraption they used yesterday morning).

13 days. Less than 2 weeks. That's when you come full term. Thinking of it that way doesn't sound so bad. And despite the tossing and aching turning last night I actually managed some decent sleep. I did some grocery shopping this morning to re-stock on anything that's been eaten in the past two weeks. I remembered that OMG! I have TYLENOL to help with the down-there soreness that still existed this morning. And for another week or two I will rest. Yes, I said it. I'll rest, OK?!?!

I'll take a break from the walking and the nesting and the knee bending and just chill out because obviously I'm only wearing myself out and you are no closer to coming out of me. HOWEVER, after 40 weeks all bets are off and I'm doing EVERYTHING I can to get you out before we hit the "too overdue for the birthing center." Because we are NOT going to a hospital, do you understand me? I put my foot down right there young lady! I'll let you chill out til you're full term, but after that you're chances of doing it on your own are over:oP

Patience.

38 week update

I'll make this short b/c I'm actually really tired and don't feel like typing today.

Weight up 1.5 lbs in a week
Heartbeat 160s.
Measuring 37.5 cms - she hasn't dropped again, but she's definitely lower than last week, so it's just a waiting game.
VERY active & excited at her appointment today.

I'm Strep B positive. Not a big deal. If my water breaks I'll likely be asked to go in right away & start antibiotics - if I am in labor w/ just contractions & my water has NOT broken yet, I'll still labor at home, but not for a long period of time like I would if I didn't have Strep B. They just want to make sure they get antibiotics into me at least 4 hrs before the baby is born. They'll put in an IV, give me the meds, unhook me after the first dose and let me be as mobile as I want and only continue to provide meds if I'm in labor every four hours.

Also, instead of a max of 6 hrs, we'll be staying at least 12 hrs AFTER the birth to monitor the baby and make sure she doesn't get Strep B. Should be fine. Means extra quiet time at the center, extra guidance and care w/ the midwives & extra help in taking care of a new baby.

They also checked to make sure my fluid leakage from yesterday wasn't my water breaking - it wasn't. Just excess preggo fluid:o) Fun stuff! No real yay or nay on when she might come, but they're ready when I'm ready...so we just need Autumn to be ready!

OH! And I met the new student midwife & I really like her! I know she did her first waterbirth last week that went great, so that makes me very excited if she is around when we go into labor!

Interesting Fact...

According the babycenter.com Wenesday is the most popular day for a baby to be born. Why is this so interesting?

Because apparently Autumn sincerely dislikes Tuesdays. Last Tuesday was so horrible and uncomfortable that I was asked, "Are you in labor?" and my honest to God response was, "I don't know. If it gets worse I guess we'll know!" By Wednesday I was fine. Thursday she was no longer engaged/dropped at my appointment.

This morning, another Tuesday, at 6am I had some fluid leaking that does not resemble pee. But it's not enough to be a gush and leaves me perplexed. I've had fluid leakage before, but not like this. Although I've had the feeling that over the weekend she had dropped again, this morning she was sure to let me know that as I walked around or sat in bed and the pressure "down there" has only increased! A lot. However, I don't believe I've had any real contractions...so I continue on with my day. My Tuesday. What is doomed to be an awful Tuesday with uncomfortableness & another night at the bowling alley with people houding me about when I'm having this child. Ugh.

Also, this is interesting because if this IS it...the big moment...and labor lasted forever, that would mean my child could very well be born on a Wednesday. The most popular day of the week to be born. Which is also my Mom's birthday - she would have been 60. Which is the same day that I've been telling everyone since DAY ONE that she would come. And I've called birth dates before - ask my best friend. If I have this child tomorrow I swear I'm going into the "baby pool" business - I'd make a fortune!

Tonight's Laughs

My husband, God bless him really, the old dude. He makes a movie reference. I don't know it. And this conversation follows:

S: "It's not THAT old! It came out when I was probably a senior in high school."
N: "Honey. When you were a senior in high school, I was probably in 4th grade."

and then I took it one step further...

N: "When you were a senior in high school trying to get laid..."
S: "You were probably a Brownie!"
N: "As a matter of fact, yes I was!"

And hysterical laughter breaks out. I'm dying and I swear I'll pee in my pants from all this laughing. And THEN he says, "Somewhere what we're doing is illegal!" I LOVE MY HUSBAND! And I know it sounds awful that I enjoy making him feel old and remind him that we're EIGHT years apart, but then he makes comments when I'm in the tub like, "Wow - you displace a lot of water!" and "Don't let the harpoons get you!"

Yes. Shmuck. But what's funny about that is that he CAN make those remarks because it's FAR from what he actually thinks. There are husbands who can't make jokes like that because their wives might cry or go psycho on them. We're not like that - we live off love and laughter.

The last thing my grandmother ever said to me was "Just keep laughing." I think she'd be proud of my choice in marriage!

I'm done.

I really am. Daytimes aren't bad. Really they're not - I can do tons of walking & keep busy. Driving is uncomfortable, but manageable. But this nighttime stuff is horrible. I can't do it. I passed out tonight after such an exhausting day, but after almost 4 hrs of sleep I'm awake and not because my body wants to be. I woke up to pee. Getting out of our bed is becoming so difficult. I can barely make it out of the bed by myself. And then, the WORST part, is laying back down. My belly is so heavy that I have to prop it with a pillow & even that is no longer working because it's just so massive. It is the MOST uncomfortable and painful thing imaginable right now. I dread laying down. And then every.single.time I have to roll over to shift my hips I have to grab the pillow, roll over with it, and re-prop it.

My husband's lovely encouragement is, "I hate to tell you honey..." YES, I am well aware of the fact that reality says it could be a few more weeks. SHUT UP! THANK YOU VERY MUCH! NOT WHAT I NEED TO HEAR. I'm telling you, I'm DONE. My body is done. I will take much better care of myself and my child when she comes out than I feel like I can do right now.

I'm whiny & being a brat, I know. I have little to complain about when compared next to others who suffer severe swelling, spend their last weeks on bed rest almost all day, or suffer pregnancy rashes that itch til their skin feels like it's ready to come off.

But...ugh!

Quick read articles...

Some articles I found this morning related to pregnancy & pregnancy health.

C-section rates around globe at ‘epidemic’ levels

Longer nursing may aid kids’ mental health

Mother’s gum disease linked to infant's death

Breastfeeding may curb heart, diabetes risk

More women choose do-it-yourself births (Fear not...this will NEVER be an option in our future. But to each her own!)

Busy and baffled, new moms hire baby planners (I have a wonderful bff who served as my expert baby planning helper!)

Are we there yet?!

I wouldn't say I'm all out "nesting" because 1) I'm not a spic & span kinda clean girl and 2) my sister in law told me to really not worry about too much since when we go to the birth center her and my mother in law plan on going to our house to prepare for the baby's arrival and 3) even if that doesn't happen...what's the point in a perfectly clean house when my child will forever be surrounded by dog hair and dust?

But, I'm also running out of things to do and THAT is driving me crazy. This morning I vacuumed the living room, hallway, & kitchen. And ran the swiffer mop over all of it really quick because it was just nasty - and despite the offer to clean our floors I was just NOT letting any family members walk in on that if today happened to be the day of arrival! Of course, considering it's raining and the dogs and people will track in mud sometime this evening, my efforts might have been pointless, but it made me feel better before leaving the house this morning.

I went to Rite Aid. I went to Food Lion. I went to the mall. I went to the dollar store. I dropped off the rent. And now I'm at work.

This evening I will get my eyebrows waxed and a pedicure. I wasn't really going to do either, but 1) I decided I didn't want my eyebrows to look awful when my baby comes and we take a ton of pictures and 2) I will fully admit that trying to do my own toes would be uncomfortable and disasterous, so I'm spending the money to have someone else do it while I relax.

I still have some food to make. But for the most part...I'm ready to go. I'm ready I'm ready I'm ready. When will she be ready?

My last "safe" day

I got some awful news today in regards to a friend of mine that gives a totally new meaning to the word "safe," but that's for another post. This post is something that I thought about all the way home and I still feel should get written for the mere fact that despite the fact that in a second everything can change, the world still moves on and nothing will ever change that fact.

On the way home today I thought about how tomorrow is my last "safe" day of pregnancy. Why? Because at 12:00am on Wednesday morning I will become a nuerotic human being. I have no idea whether this will be blatantly obvious on the outside or if I will contain it on the inside, but either way - I'm going to be a nutcase. Because at 12:00am my child can come at any second of any day...and there's nothing I can do about it. That's that. Pregnancy done. Labor begins. I'm pushing a baby out of my vagina and I will be coming home with a little girl. That is what will eventually happen sometime after 12:00am on Wednesday.

Yes, I know, technically she could have come at any point during this entire pregnancy. We don't get to choose when and where it happens. Every mother, at some time or another, fears pre-term labor. We fear NICU visits. We fear our child coming out so small and fragile that we're afraid there's no way such a tiny living thing could make it. I, too, have had these fears. I, too, recognize that sometimes we are not in control. But at the same time, we all hold onto some naive thought of "never me." And I'll even admit to my own selfish thoughts - while I've been reassured by research and midwives that IF my baby girl was to have been born in the past few weeks she most likely would have had little to no complications - I really didn't want to go into pre-term labor because I didn't want to go to a hospital. Healthy baby, of course, is all that matters, but being reassured that everything would most likely be okay, my thoughts then turned to the one place where I have been trying to avoid this whole pregnancy. I feel like Shawn and I have dedicated so much time and thought to the birth center that ending up in a hospital would be like disrupting part of our dream. Like I said - selfish - but I'm human enough to admit it.

So yes, ANYTHING could have happened before. But nothing did. And I'm thankful each and every day. But Wednesday I become FULL-TERM! Something I've looked forward to for so long. A part of me feels like I can breathe easy while the other part of me is thinking "WHERE THE HELL DID THE TIME GO?! NOT YET!" On Wednesday some big fears get packed away for another pregnancy and the almight epiphany of "OMG! I COULD HAVE A BABY TODAY!" will arrive.

I think there are some huge milestones in every pregnancy that get acknowledged with justice: the positive test (and the three to five tests that follow), the first appointment, the first listening of the heartbeat, the first kick, the arrival of "the bump," the first maternity clothes being worn, the first ultrasound, the shower, the bulging belly, etc etc. But I don't think "the last day of not full term" and the "officailly full term day" receive enough importance. Surely these thoughts consume other preggos. Surely.

And so tomorrow will take on great meaning for me. And I will enjoy it. And Wednesday will come. And I will glow...while also trying not to hyperventilate. And soon...so soon...my Autumn will arrive.

OH MY!

We have SO MUCH STUFF! Yesterday's shower was awesome. I ate some yummy food (I love Debbie's meatballs!) and got to hang out with friends and family that I don't get to spend much time with. And my CAKE was the coolest! EVER! I can't wait to post pics! Oh, and I willingly shared the spotlight with Caleb because he's such a cutie pie, so who couldn't resist just loving on him?! Of course...he was definitely trying to put Autumn in her place and let her know who the big kid in town was as he bopped up and down on my belly, but I didn't mind...it will just make her a tough girl!

Shawn was right - I came home with more STUFF! STUFF GALORE! I came home with boxes and bags of all sorts of wonderful things, along with my leftover cake and leftover snack food. I spent the rest of the evening unpacking everything. I do not believe in stacking things away in boxes until they'll be used. Time goes by so fast when kids are little that you use things before you know it, so you might as well get it unpacked and put where it belongs from the very start! There is now some organization in the nursery. Today I'm washing all the baby blankets & newborn/0-3 clothes to get us started. I can't put her crib together 100% until I get my crib sheets, which have been purchased off my registry, but I haven't received yet. I CAN put together the bassinet since I went out and bought the new bassinet mattress & sheet today. I need to wash it all though. I also plan on sterlizing all the bottles, utensils, snack traps and other feeding-related items today. I put together her new bouncer, which is soft and snuggly! I put together the strollers. There is a pile o'stuff that is designated for our cars when the cars get cleaned out. Boxes are piled high in the living room, but they're being taken away by friends who are in the process of moving (so convenient!).

And that's that. I got laundry detergent for the baby clothes & cloth diapers (which I also might brave sometimes today). I ran to Babies R Us to use a gift card and purchased a good chunk of items I needed.

This week: finish purchasing registry items & other necessities, stock up on food & other grocery items for the first few weeks of baby's arrival, make some freezer foods, purchase shower gifts for my wonderful sister-in-law and my bestest friend ever, do thank you notes, and try to manage some rest somewhere in the mix of things!

Pregnancy Battles

#1. Constipation ~~~ nothing some home remedies couldn't fix with the occasional over the counter help

#2. Weight ~~~ gained gracefully, cheerfully expanded, nothing but a basketball belly!

#3. Upper back pain ~~~ couldn't stand up to hubby's backrubs & the heating pad

#4. Nausea ~~~ I laugh at your existence! My best friend's advice to eat every few hours kept you at bay!

#5. Shaving ~~~ 35+ weeks and I haven't stopped! I may not be able to see what I'm doing, but it's getting done!

#6 Bladder control ~~~ I can successfully go to bed at 11pm and not pee until 7am, if I so choose. You do not rule me!

#7 Kicking/Punching ~~~ Want to get pushy?! I'll get pushy right back!

What does this all mean?! It means: STRETCH MARKS - you do not have a chance! I will outlast you. A funky red splotch the size of my surgery scars showed up just this week and my husband dared to call it a possible stretch mark. HA! I will not have it. I will not give in. I will conquer you! Bring out the cocoa butter & the Vitamin E oil. You think you'll get me in these last few weeks...I DARE YOU to show your face. I will seek out your slightest beginnings and crush you!

So...there.

True Love

When your husband looks at your bloated 34 week belly and says most genuinely "You would have made a beautiful belly cast"...you know you found yourself a keeper!

35 week appt

Ok..ALMOST 35 week appt! 34 weeks and 5 days. And things are getting interesting!

I met with "A" again - who I loved at our second visit and I still love! She's just awesome. I told her I was getting concerned about her being so far ahead in measurment and the conflicting due dates between my last menstrual cycle and the 7 week ultrasound. I mean - it's a 2 week difference and God forbid I go into labor before the 2/10 due date says I'm "full term" I'd be forced to deliver in the hospital...which would suck.

But "A" confirmed that u/s at 7 weeks is actually very accurate - usually only off by 3 days at the most - and that's why they'd stick with the 2/10 due date. She felt confident that I'd make it to full term. And that makes me feel better.

HOWEVER...she does NOT think I'll be making it to my due date. At my last visit (33 weeks) I was measuring 2 weeks ahead at 35 cms. This week I was only measuring at 32 cms. Why this drastic 3 cm change? Because she's already dropped! A lot. She's low. Very low. Which, honestly, I could have told anyone considering this weekend I thought she was trying to punch her way out of my girlie parts!!!! Not the more comfortable feeling, I assure you!

"A" said that generally, once the baby drops, the baby has about 4 more weeks. So, depending on WHEN she dropped since my last visit I could possibly only have another 3-4 weeks to go (anywhere from the 37-39th week). I'm not surprised. Well, I am. I mean I knew she was low. I've always said she was coming early. But someone giving you confirmation that it's actually possible - totally different!

Then again, knowing my silly luck, she'll end up being like a week late! HA! Wouldn't that be funny?! No, not really. But again, it's always possible! Talk about driving someone who's always been a planner compeletely crazy!

And that it. In 2 weeks I go back for my Strep B test and then I begin going to the center weekly!

Here are the basic stats:

Weight - 5 lb gain; total 30lbs in 34.5 weeks
HB - 150bpm
Position - head down! and very low
Belly measurement - 32cms (dropped)