Well, there are NONE! Want to know why? Because there is NOTHING dirty coming out of me! (Hey...you decided to read the post!) Yea, after two fiber bars, two bowls of mini-wheat cereal and some apple juice, I've done NOTHING significant since yesterday morning around 9am. I've eaten a little bit besides that, too, but those are the food stuffs that are supposed to get things moving along. AND I've drank a ton of water. I sure am gassy - coming outta both ends - but other than that I'm filled up like a blowfish. Even wearing my capris was uncomfortable today - YES, I wore them ALL DAY LONG unbuttoned and unzipped. I've gained NO weight, mind you, but things are shifting and it doesn't help that my belly is just full of crap --- literally. I really don't want to take any over-the-counter stuff because it's not recommended for pregnant women, even the gentler kinds. Granted, I don't plan on using it on a continuing basis, BUT my body just needs to figure this out on it's own...
sooner or later I have to poop, right? RIGHT?!
Oh, and no, I have no shame. Constipation is a part of life, especially pregnant life, so I'm embracing this fact and just discussing it - that's just the way it is my dearies:oP
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Unplanned trip to ER & U/S pics!
So, while visiting NJ there's been some concern over my serious and sometimes long-lasting lightheadedness as well as some spotting I've been having. After discussions with my husband, dad, bff and a nurse at a facility in this state we decided to go to the ER @ Somerset Medical Center. Not to go into long details, here's the short version:
Lightheadedness = need a diet change ie: longer lasting carbs. My blood sugar was normal, but low for someone who had just eaten a short time before arriving to the ER, so obviously what I'm eating isn't good enough. Easy fix, I hope.
Bleeding - a subchorionic hemmorage. Pretty normal. Nothing to worry about extensively. There's no free fluid. My cervix is completely closed. All the sacs and stuff I need in my uterus are there. The baby is definitely in my uterus and not in any fallopian tube. Things are peachy in there:o)
Also...for reference...I weigh 133.6lbs. My bp was perfect.
I'm 7wks and (now) 2 days pregnant. EDD is now around Feb 10. We were very excited to have an u/s done. As soon as I heard our baby's heartbeat I cried - it was the only thing that mattered to me at the time and I had my prayers answered. Our baby is okay!!!! 156bpm!
So, here are some pics!
The sac is above the baby - that's not it's head. The tech said it always looks like the baby is holding a balloon or something, lol! This was when she measured the heartbeat - you can see on the left 156bpm.
The tech THINKS the baby's head is on the left and the two little white bright spots on the right side are the leg "buds." I think the baby is looking at us.So, THAT is about all for now! I have to go update my ticker now. And I'm taking it easy. Hopefully the rest of my vacation will go smoother.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
And word is out!
Well, not entirely. But my Daddy now knows I'm pregnant and he's very happy and excited for us:o) That makes me feel good. I have his full support and his confindence and that means the world to any daughter. I also told my older sister and younger brother and my aunt in Alabama. I also told some close family friends while I'm up here in NJ. I'm not announcing it via internet (Facebook/Myspace) until after my first dr's appt...just in case...but it does feel good to tell all of my family. And that's all for my exciting life right now...
I know this is normal...maybe TMI
The way I'm feeling is just so icky. Think about this: You've had a 24 hour bug where you've been vomiting non-stop for hours. The next day is your recovery day when you're no longer vomiting, but your stomach feels crampy and sore from all the hell it went through the day before. THAT is what I feel like - the recovery day after a stomach bug. There's no other way to put it - rarely do I feel nauseas (sp?) and I have yet to vomit (although sometimes I wonder if that would help). I don't have cramping like menstrual cramps either...although sometimes if I sneeze I get a sharp pain the in the super-low abdomen that sucks for half a second. It's just this uncomfortable belly ache that makes me want to curl into a ball and stay there until it goes away. I hate it. Hubby wants me to go to the doctor, but I'm pretty sure this is all normal. I also get light-headed...A LOT! That really sucks because sooner or later I know I'm going to fall down. I just get up to quickly and need to pay attention to what I'm doing. As for the stomach icky feeling - I don't know what to do. Sucking on preggie-pops doesn't help. Food doesn't help. Nothing helps. It's just THERE.
Oh the joys of pregnancy...
Oh the joys of pregnancy...
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Father's Day & Not-so Fun TImes
So today is Father's Day, which is something my dear husband gets to look forward to nowadays! That's a big change in his life, especially. And I spoke to my Daddy this morning and wished him a Happy Father's Day. No, I didn't tell him yet! I leave tomorrow, no later than 4pm, and I got him two gifts for his father's day present: a set of bibs that say things about Grandpa and a picture frame that says "I Love Grandpa." I REALLY hope he likes them and he takes the news well...it's very nerve wrecking!!!!
As far as the pregnancy goes...baby is NOT being nice. The past two days have been rough with bloating. I know that sounds so not-serious, but it's SO uncomfortable. It's not cramping or morning sickness, it's this constant walking around feeling like your full of gas. UGH! It sucks. I have yet to get sick (knock on wood). It's just SO UNCOMFORTABLE! And I have to drive 8 hours tomorrow, so I'm REALLY praying I don't feel like this.
As far as the pregnancy goes...baby is NOT being nice. The past two days have been rough with bloating. I know that sounds so not-serious, but it's SO uncomfortable. It's not cramping or morning sickness, it's this constant walking around feeling like your full of gas. UGH! It sucks. I have yet to get sick (knock on wood). It's just SO UNCOMFORTABLE! And I have to drive 8 hours tomorrow, so I'm REALLY praying I don't feel like this.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Good news!
I got my first two CDs in - Kissaluv's size 0 and they are ADORABLE! That made me happy this morning!
Hormones SUCK!
So this week has been tough with horomones running wild! Before pregnancy, PMS was a big deal in my life. It's taken a few years to really recognize what it does and how I change during my mentrual cycle, but by recognizing symptoms and when I'm over-emotional I've been learning how to deal with it. I recognize that 90% of the time my most memorable emotional moments (usually bad ones) in life have been during PMS week. I'm confident that it's hereditary considering there is a history of unstable female behavior in my family, so I don't think it's funny and I get very touchy when others joke about "that time of the month." I think all emotions are valid - the good and the bad - and they are no joke. Making fun of them or pushing them aside as insignificant is really cruel to the person who is having to deal with them.
So...that brings us to pregnancy horomones! JOY! Granted, I figured I was going to have a tough time dealing with my horomones and I was right. This week it seemed that I had completely random trains of thought that would lead me to some emotional pitfall which lead me to tearing up. The majority of the time I recognized, "This is just my horomones, you're perfectly ok, just breathe and move on." Last night was completely different. I've been having trouble sleeping and my neck hurts a lot. On top of being emotional I dealt with some anxiety issues - which I think I figured out how to deal with, but anyway - so thoughts lead to more thoughts and I got to thinking about my mom. And I broke down. My husband was up the street working on a friend's truck, so I was alone @ 1am crying for a good 20 mins. I actually just let it happen because I figured it was what I needed and I did feel much better afterwards. Hubby came home really late, but I was still up and we talked about it and then, after he made me laugh a few times, I felt better and was finally able to drift off to sleep around 2am.
And the adventure begins....
So...that brings us to pregnancy horomones! JOY! Granted, I figured I was going to have a tough time dealing with my horomones and I was right. This week it seemed that I had completely random trains of thought that would lead me to some emotional pitfall which lead me to tearing up. The majority of the time I recognized, "This is just my horomones, you're perfectly ok, just breathe and move on." Last night was completely different. I've been having trouble sleeping and my neck hurts a lot. On top of being emotional I dealt with some anxiety issues - which I think I figured out how to deal with, but anyway - so thoughts lead to more thoughts and I got to thinking about my mom. And I broke down. My husband was up the street working on a friend's truck, so I was alone @ 1am crying for a good 20 mins. I actually just let it happen because I figured it was what I needed and I did feel much better afterwards. Hubby came home really late, but I was still up and we talked about it and then, after he made me laugh a few times, I felt better and was finally able to drift off to sleep around 2am.
And the adventure begins....
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Woo-hoo!
Abby's Lane - the site I ordered my CDs from - was closed for shipping til the 15th...and today is the 16th...which means they start shipping again TODAY and I'll have my first couple CDs soon. HOORAY!
Birthing Classes
So, thanks to the med-free questions link (see side panel) that I've looked over a few times I've decided to do some research on the Bradley Birthing Classes. There's also a lot of mention about Hynobabies - the use of hypnosis during labor, but that doesn't seem to fit me well, so we're not going there. I'd rather take a more hands-on and active approach. So, there are two people who are certified Bradley Birthing teachers in the Raleigh area:
I think I like the first person better, but I'm waiting to hear back from both people via e-mail.
Side note: I slept like poo last night. And apparently the baby does NOT like the fast food I grabbed for lunch b/c my tummy has just been unhappy since I ate. I feel so gross.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
For Jessi
Since I don't know exactly how far along I am, let's say the baby is somewhere between the size of a lentil bean and a blueberry:o)
Spring Cleaning
No, I'm NOT nesting. You know how I know? Because I'm not cleaning ANY of the baby stuff, lol! It's been a very busy weekend for our home.
Basically I've only steamcleaned one room, with one more to go tonight (maybe I'll do the living room, too).
My hard-working husband cleaned the ENTIRE back porch aka his "man cave." He emptied every piece of furniture and wall poster he had in there, hosed down the entire place from ceiling to floor and then vaccumed up all that disgusting grime into the shop-vac given to us by my brother. We washed all the bankets that he hangs over the blinds to keep the room shady, so it smells VERY fresh anytime a breeze comes in. He also rearranged some furniture, which made for more room and it seems much cozier now. Granted, he'll still smoke in there, but it's made a HUGE difference since we've lived here for 3 years and it's never had that kind of cleaning before.
We have tons more to battle: (note: this list is more for me to refer back to when I'm looking for something to do, so feel free to ignore)
Basically I've only steamcleaned one room, with one more to go tonight (maybe I'll do the living room, too).
My hard-working husband cleaned the ENTIRE back porch aka his "man cave." He emptied every piece of furniture and wall poster he had in there, hosed down the entire place from ceiling to floor and then vaccumed up all that disgusting grime into the shop-vac given to us by my brother. We washed all the bankets that he hangs over the blinds to keep the room shady, so it smells VERY fresh anytime a breeze comes in. He also rearranged some furniture, which made for more room and it seems much cozier now. Granted, he'll still smoke in there, but it's made a HUGE difference since we've lived here for 3 years and it's never had that kind of cleaning before.
We have tons more to battle: (note: this list is more for me to refer back to when I'm looking for something to do, so feel free to ignore)
- clean under the sink & organize (maybe pick up small medicine-size bins)
- clean out nursery closet (DEF need new bins - large for clothes and misc)
- empty entire living room for a ceiling to floor cleaning
- fresh coat of paint to all white walls
- clean/organize living room closet
- go through clothes & get rid of things not needed
- organzie secretary's desk
- clean cabinet surfaces in kitchen
- clean fridge/freezer
Once the organizing gets done it's not much to do. It's just a matter of having the time to go through it all and putting stuff where it belongs.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
5-ish week Belly Pic
So, yea this is the "I feel bloated all the time" look. Whenever I eat I expand in places I don't normally expand and I feel weird and very bloated.
I actually feel like there's more going on in my upper abdomen than my lower. Normally, when one chooses to do so, "sucking it in" isn't uncomfortable. It's something us women have perfected as an art and I can say that without knowing that I was doing it, I can walk around for a fairly long time "sucking it in" (ie: at the mall, wearing a bathing suit, wearing a formal dress in which every bulge shows, etc). Here's the difference now - I can't do it without feeling like there is a solid wall in my upper abdomen that is NOT allowing me to suck it in. Between where my hand is and my belly button feels solid - not like rock-hard abs solid - just like there's something stuck in there and I can't suck it in for very long without feeling uncomfortable. Also, you can't see in this pic, but the side of my abs are filling out as well. It's a very strange feeling.
Again, for reference see the first belly pic here.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Pregnancy Survey
So it's still a little early for some of these questions, but I saw it and HAD to do it:o)
About You
Age? 24
Height? 5'7"
Pre-pregnancy weight? between 130-132ish
About The Father
Name? My darling hubby
Age? 33
Height? 6'2" ish?
Are you still together? happily married:o) the fact that this question is asked proves what a sad world we live in today
About Your Pregnancy
Is this your first pregnancy? yes
When did you find out you were pregnant? May 31
Was it planned? yes
What was your first reaction? OMG! Is that line really there?!
Who was with you when you found out? my dogs...they thought i'd lost my mind
Who was the first person you told? My bff
How did your parents react? his mother cried she was so happy...we're telling my daddy next week in person
How far along are you? about 6ish weeks
What was your first symptom? missed period and sore boobies
What is your due date? approx Jan 27 - Feb 1 (most likely closer to Feb)
Do you know the sex of the baby? no, but we intend to find out
If so, what is it?
Have you picked out names? Jack, if it's a boy - no middle name. We're still discussing first names for a girl, but her middle name will be Dawn.
If so, what are they? oh, see above
How much weight have you gained? maybe a pound? i don't have morning sickness, so I haven't lost any weight, but i don't think i've been overeating either. i might be breaking even.
Do you have stretch marks? not yet
Have you felt the baby move? of course not
Have you heard the heartbeat? no, but i can't wait!
About the birth
Will you keep the baby? why ask this question AFTER all the questions above?! yes, we're keeping it!
Home or hospital birth? birthing center - best of both worlds!
Natural or medicated birth? natural
Who will be in the delivery room with you? my husband and probably a midwife or two
Will you breastfeed? yes
Do you think you'll need a c-section? i hope not
Will you cry when you hold the baby for the first time? most definitely
What's the first thing you might say to him/her? i love you
Would you let someone videotape the birth? eh. maybe pictures, but i cannot imagine watching my own birth video - i have enough issues watching my own perfomances on stage, lol!
Are you excited about the birth, or scared? absolutely both!
About You
Name? Cici
Age? 24
Height? 5'7"
Pre-pregnancy weight? between 130-132ish
About The Father
Name? My darling hubby
Age? 33
Height? 6'2" ish?
Are you still together? happily married:o) the fact that this question is asked proves what a sad world we live in today
About Your Pregnancy
Is this your first pregnancy? yes
When did you find out you were pregnant? May 31
Was it planned? yes
What was your first reaction? OMG! Is that line really there?!
Who was with you when you found out? my dogs...they thought i'd lost my mind
Who was the first person you told? My bff
How did your parents react? his mother cried she was so happy...we're telling my daddy next week in person
How far along are you? about 6ish weeks
What was your first symptom? missed period and sore boobies
What is your due date? approx Jan 27 - Feb 1 (most likely closer to Feb)
Do you know the sex of the baby? no, but we intend to find out
If so, what is it?
Have you picked out names? Jack, if it's a boy - no middle name. We're still discussing first names for a girl, but her middle name will be Dawn.
If so, what are they? oh, see above
How much weight have you gained? maybe a pound? i don't have morning sickness, so I haven't lost any weight, but i don't think i've been overeating either. i might be breaking even.
Do you have stretch marks? not yet
Have you felt the baby move? of course not
Have you heard the heartbeat? no, but i can't wait!
About the birth
Will you keep the baby? why ask this question AFTER all the questions above?! yes, we're keeping it!
Home or hospital birth? birthing center - best of both worlds!
Natural or medicated birth? natural
Who will be in the delivery room with you? my husband and probably a midwife or two
Will you breastfeed? yes
Do you think you'll need a c-section? i hope not
Will you cry when you hold the baby for the first time? most definitely
What's the first thing you might say to him/her? i love you
Would you let someone videotape the birth? eh. maybe pictures, but i cannot imagine watching my own birth video - i have enough issues watching my own perfomances on stage, lol!
Are you excited about the birth, or scared? absolutely both!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Bad Dreams and Blatant Reality
So my husband's told his entire side of the world that we're having a baby. I've picked up some free items that were just too important to pass up before being given away to others. And I've ordered my first couple of cloth diapers. I am full of the first-time-mommy "OMG, I'm having a baby" joy and it is a wonderful feeling. But I am not naive and I am reminded by my subconscious often enough and by reality everyday.
Subconscious:
My dreams...no nightmares...began the first night we found out. Discussing them afterwards with my husband or friends I try to giggle them off, but to be perfectly honest, when I first wake up from these nightmares I am scared out of my mind. For several reasons. Most often I believe that what is in a dream is most often caused by what is going on in our real lives - who we see, what we're doing, what our fears are, what news story/television sitcom we're watching that night, etc. Normally, whatever the last thing you thought about that night or did that day will end up somehow in your dream. This would explain my nightmares that have fears of miscarriage, something happening to my husband, something being wrong with my baby, etc. I find this completely normal and it sometimes puts my mind at ease. Unfortunately, I seem to also have a knack for dreams that have NOTHING to do with anything currently going on in my life to have an effect on my future. Call me crazy, that's ok, I don't care. I've dreamt things that have later come a part of reality that NO ONE can explain. I'm not psychic and I certainly don't consider it a gift - more like a cruel joke. So there is this tiny part of me that always worries - no matter what the subject is - on what my dreams could mean for me. Take that feeling and put my pregnancy in the mix...not only am I up for some wild, crazy dreams....I'm sure there's a few anxiety attacks in there, too.
Reality:
I was part of an online community during my engagement. And now I'm part of one during my pregnancy. I have internet friends and THAT is how I explain it - I love the weird looks people give me when I say that:o) A community of women during such critical times in one's life is so helpful and uplifting - especially if not a lot of your in-real-life (IRL) friends are going through these changes also. So, I have this group of gals that I'm getting to know - from all sorts of backgrounds and lifestyles and it's a beautiful thing! But at times this community brings my heart so much sadness. Watching the news is bad enough for me - any sad story about a child can get me crying like a baby. Sad stories break my heart. And here I have a community where not every story has a happy ending. There are complicated pregnancies, unexpected diagnosed illnesses, accidents, sickness, and losses. These are women that I am getting to know and want to know better, so their stories of hurt and sorrow make my heart so sad. When things are good - they're great, when things are bad - they seem so dismal. And this is what reminds me that I'm not through this pregnancy yet. I'm in the early stages and ANYTHING can happen. Nothing is for sure...ever...in life. But most especially now.
So while I put on my happy face and go on with my day like a happy pregnant woman, rest assured that I am still scared shitless! I will go on reassuring myself that all I can do is the best I can do and whatever will be, will be.
I go on with a joyful heart. But I am humbled before God's plan for whatever may happen.
Subconscious:
My dreams...no nightmares...began the first night we found out. Discussing them afterwards with my husband or friends I try to giggle them off, but to be perfectly honest, when I first wake up from these nightmares I am scared out of my mind. For several reasons. Most often I believe that what is in a dream is most often caused by what is going on in our real lives - who we see, what we're doing, what our fears are, what news story/television sitcom we're watching that night, etc. Normally, whatever the last thing you thought about that night or did that day will end up somehow in your dream. This would explain my nightmares that have fears of miscarriage, something happening to my husband, something being wrong with my baby, etc. I find this completely normal and it sometimes puts my mind at ease. Unfortunately, I seem to also have a knack for dreams that have NOTHING to do with anything currently going on in my life to have an effect on my future. Call me crazy, that's ok, I don't care. I've dreamt things that have later come a part of reality that NO ONE can explain. I'm not psychic and I certainly don't consider it a gift - more like a cruel joke. So there is this tiny part of me that always worries - no matter what the subject is - on what my dreams could mean for me. Take that feeling and put my pregnancy in the mix...not only am I up for some wild, crazy dreams....I'm sure there's a few anxiety attacks in there, too.
Reality:
I was part of an online community during my engagement. And now I'm part of one during my pregnancy. I have internet friends and THAT is how I explain it - I love the weird looks people give me when I say that:o) A community of women during such critical times in one's life is so helpful and uplifting - especially if not a lot of your in-real-life (IRL) friends are going through these changes also. So, I have this group of gals that I'm getting to know - from all sorts of backgrounds and lifestyles and it's a beautiful thing! But at times this community brings my heart so much sadness. Watching the news is bad enough for me - any sad story about a child can get me crying like a baby. Sad stories break my heart. And here I have a community where not every story has a happy ending. There are complicated pregnancies, unexpected diagnosed illnesses, accidents, sickness, and losses. These are women that I am getting to know and want to know better, so their stories of hurt and sorrow make my heart so sad. When things are good - they're great, when things are bad - they seem so dismal. And this is what reminds me that I'm not through this pregnancy yet. I'm in the early stages and ANYTHING can happen. Nothing is for sure...ever...in life. But most especially now.
So while I put on my happy face and go on with my day like a happy pregnant woman, rest assured that I am still scared shitless! I will go on reassuring myself that all I can do is the best I can do and whatever will be, will be.
I go on with a joyful heart. But I am humbled before God's plan for whatever may happen.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Cloth Diapers:O)
So, since I'm always one to be prepared (and I was just DYING to go ahead and get some) I ordered my first CDs today!!!!!!!!!! I ordered 2 Kissaluvs size 0 because they seem to be the most highly recommended for newborns.
I figured if I've got about 34-35 weeks left of pregnancy & I buy at least 1-2 diapers each week that would put me anywhere are about 34-70 diapers total. Now, I don't think I need that many...but when I think i have enough I can go ahead and purchase things like CDs, wetbags, pail liners, fitted covers, and special laundry detergent.
I can see how this become addicting....
I figured if I've got about 34-35 weeks left of pregnancy & I buy at least 1-2 diapers each week that would put me anywhere are about 34-70 diapers total. Now, I don't think I need that many...but when I think i have enough I can go ahead and purchase things like CDs, wetbags, pail liners, fitted covers, and special laundry detergent.
I can see how this become addicting....
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Good quote
You have to be very strong to be able to put out what you really feel, even when it's not culturally acceptable. Risk-taking is empowering. You don't HAVE to put it out there. The process is very personal and the growth can be profound.
Fun stuff....
So my bff is awesome! Yes...once again...she is awesome! She gave me my first "My Pregnancy" book that I've already started filling out with fun facts and stories since we found out on May 31. I love her - she knows me so well:o) She also gave me Preggo Pops, for morning sickness...and even though I haven't suffered from any morning sickness, they're still REALLY yummy.
(1) This has actually been an image in my head for awhile. Even before I was pregnant. It's a tattoo I'd LOVE to get on my back one day (drawn by a better artist of course). It's a man's set of hands encompassing a woman's set of hands and together they are encompassing this blue mass. I took a picture of me and my husband in this position (you can tell his hands are more defined than my arms w/ NO hands, lol and that's because I got tired of trying to hard to get it "right"). To me, the hands are no just me and my husband, but all the men and women who will help me get through birth. My parents, his parents, our brothers and sisters, close friends, even God and our own child. I named this "Joined Together" or "Helping Hands." I guess both titles work. The blue/purple mass is neither male or female. It represents the environment our child is coming from - calm, fluid-like - and into the environment we hope to bring it into to - a calm, water birth.
(3) This one is "Time Spent With You." It's less detailed than I'd like and I think that's because I DONT have the belly yet. First of all, you see my BIGGEST desire for the nursery - a rocking chair! I love them and must have one. MUST! Or I might just call off this whole pregnancy thing, lol! It takes place at night (the moon) which is when I feel most relaxed and usually take some quiet time for myself. I hope that while I'm pregnant I will take some quiet time with my baby, whether it be just listening to music, reading books, or just talking to it. Yep, I'm going to be one of those pregnant woman who want to do those sort of things before he/she is even born.
(4) This is "Fear." The book I'm reading says it's very important for parents to discuss their fears about birth and parenting. It's not just medical facts people - it's emotional and spiritual preparation, too! That's supposed to be my big belly with a big cut in it. The gray blob is a hospital doctor's head. In the VERY back, you can kid of see my baby on a table far away from me. Now, there is NOTHING wrong with a C-section. NOTHING. It happens. And the fact that this is one of my fears, means I have to tell myself, "This is a realistic possibility, what can you do to prepare youself emotionally if this happens?" I cannot be afraid of this if the time comes. I have to be as ready as possible to deal with this. A lot of people will trivialize a woman's feelings of a C-section by saying, "As long as the baby is okay, that's all that matters." But it's not. Some women who are unprepared for a C-section feel like they haven't completed the full cycle of pregnancy and labor, OR they feel like something was taking away from them. I know a part of me would feel like this - hence why the baby is so far from me, being taken out of my reach. Some people cope well and it doesn't make a difference, which is really great for them! However a woman handles this situation is her own business. This is ONE of MY fears. The point is...it should NOT be a fear. I need to come to terms with this fear. I also need to dig deeper and find other fears because this is a "typical" fear for most women planning a natural birth and I'm sure my fears run deeper than this.
And that is all the birth art for today. I hope to do things with paint and clay in the future. Maybe some natural things from the outdoors, too. I hope no one was offended by my art...i truly have no judgements on other people's births - this is for my own "therapy" that I am choosing to share with you.
If you have other thoughts on my art (often other people recognize things that the artist themselves doesn't see), please feel free to share. Also, if you have suggestions on how to cope with my fears (present and future) I'm always open to suggestions. I love ideas!
I've also been reading "Birthing From Within." It talks a LOT about birth art and I've done some crayon/colored pencils sketches. It's also very new to me and I'm NOT an artist (so laughing at my skills is ok...laughing at the art "idea" is a no-no). Also, it's important to know that I'm in my first trimester: I don't have a belly, I haven't been to any classes yet, and I am no where near mastering the art of clearing my mind and letting my thoughts just float around on paper. So some of this art might be what some call "forced" or typical of first trimester. I'm hoping they'll get more in depth as time goes on.
(1) This has actually been an image in my head for awhile. Even before I was pregnant. It's a tattoo I'd LOVE to get on my back one day (drawn by a better artist of course). It's a man's set of hands encompassing a woman's set of hands and together they are encompassing this blue mass. I took a picture of me and my husband in this position (you can tell his hands are more defined than my arms w/ NO hands, lol and that's because I got tired of trying to hard to get it "right"). To me, the hands are no just me and my husband, but all the men and women who will help me get through birth. My parents, his parents, our brothers and sisters, close friends, even God and our own child. I named this "Joined Together" or "Helping Hands." I guess both titles work. The blue/purple mass is neither male or female. It represents the environment our child is coming from - calm, fluid-like - and into the environment we hope to bring it into to - a calm, water birth.
(2) This is "Poppy Seed Birth." The first thing my bff researched when I got my BFP was what size my baby was at the time. It was the size of a poppy seed. I know it has gr
own since then, but that image has always been stuck in my head. So, in the center is a flesh colored poppy seed. Surrounding it is the pink, calmness of my vagina/uterus where it's been safe. The red & orange rays around it represent the pain that I will go through in labor. On the right side, if you can see it, it's supposed to be my flesh colored legs open to give birth. On the left is the blue water we hope it will enter the water in. The green line is the umbilical cord that has been providing the life source between me and my baby.
(3) This one is "Time Spent With You." It's less detailed than I'd like and I think that's because I DONT have the belly yet. First of all, you see my BIGGEST desire for the nursery - a rocking chair! I love them and must have one. MUST! Or I might just call off this whole pregnancy thing, lol! It takes place at night (the moon) which is when I feel most relaxed and usually take some quiet time for myself. I hope that while I'm pregnant I will take some quiet time with my baby, whether it be just listening to music, reading books, or just talking to it. Yep, I'm going to be one of those pregnant woman who want to do those sort of things before he/she is even born.
(4) This is "Fear." The book I'm reading says it's very important for parents to discuss their fears about birth and parenting. It's not just medical facts people - it's emotional and spiritual preparation, too! That's supposed to be my big belly with a big cut in it. The gray blob is a hospital doctor's head. In the VERY back, you can kid of see my baby on a table far away from me. Now, there is NOTHING wrong with a C-section. NOTHING. It happens. And the fact that this is one of my fears, means I have to tell myself, "This is a realistic possibility, what can you do to prepare youself emotionally if this happens?" I cannot be afraid of this if the time comes. I have to be as ready as possible to deal with this. A lot of people will trivialize a woman's feelings of a C-section by saying, "As long as the baby is okay, that's all that matters." But it's not. Some women who are unprepared for a C-section feel like they haven't completed the full cycle of pregnancy and labor, OR they feel like something was taking away from them. I know a part of me would feel like this - hence why the baby is so far from me, being taken out of my reach. Some people cope well and it doesn't make a difference, which is really great for them! However a woman handles this situation is her own business. This is ONE of MY fears. The point is...it should NOT be a fear. I need to come to terms with this fear. I also need to dig deeper and find other fears because this is a "typical" fear for most women planning a natural birth and I'm sure my fears run deeper than this.If you have other thoughts on my art (often other people recognize things that the artist themselves doesn't see), please feel free to share. Also, if you have suggestions on how to cope with my fears (present and future) I'm always open to suggestions. I love ideas!
Please don't doubt me...
In one month we'll be visiting the Birth Center and I'm SO excited! And in about 2 weeks we'll be telling my Daddy...just in time for Father's Day...and that's even MORE exciting!!!!
I'm really pumped about the birthing center. To me...it just feels right.
Does any first time mother know what she's getting in to? Realistically, no! There is no way I can ever imagine the feeling of going into labor, my water breaking, contractions, all the pain, the worry, the joy, the chances of something going wrong, etc. There is no way to 100% prepare for all of that because you won't really know any of it until you're in the moment. What can a first time mother do? Well, talk to other mothers who have gone through labor, BUT realize that your bith will NOT be the same. There are a lot of similarities in births, but also a LOT of differences for each woman and that's important to know.
I based my decision to have my birth at a birthing center because I just do not want a hospital birth. It's not the environment I want. I've read lots of birth stories and I've talked to other women who have had hospital births and each one was different and I recognize that mine will be different also. But there are enough similarities for me to recognize that it's not what I want. Maybe I just hate hospitals and that has something to do with it. I want to be in a normal, calm environment that will hopefully make me more relaxed and less worried and less anxious than if I'd be in a hospital. I want things to be as natural as possible. Not rushed. And THAT IS OKAY! A part of me is really bothered that when I say I want to have a med-free birth they're like, "Really? We'll see..." like they don't think I know what I'm getting to. A part of them is right, I don't know what I'm getting in to. BUT, that doesn't mean I don't know what I WANT!
I believe it is important for a woman who wants to have a med-free birth to BELIEVE with all her heart and mind and body that she really can do it. I also believe it's important that she have a strong support system of people who believes she can do it, too. Not people who laugh and think she'll cave into drugs when the pain gets intense. I've already had someone close to me almost laugh out loud at the idea that I could do it. And that really hurts. I am always open to ideas, suggestions, and concerns. But straight up doubt, laughter, or complete disbelief that I am capable of doing something...that's just mean and NOT what I need in my life for the next 30+ weeks.
Whew...I've been harboring that for like a week. I feel a little better now - a little stronger. I'm sure there will be more posts similar as more people find out and I need to justify birthing on my terms.
I'm really pumped about the birthing center. To me...it just feels right.
Does any first time mother know what she's getting in to? Realistically, no! There is no way I can ever imagine the feeling of going into labor, my water breaking, contractions, all the pain, the worry, the joy, the chances of something going wrong, etc. There is no way to 100% prepare for all of that because you won't really know any of it until you're in the moment. What can a first time mother do? Well, talk to other mothers who have gone through labor, BUT realize that your bith will NOT be the same. There are a lot of similarities in births, but also a LOT of differences for each woman and that's important to know.
I based my decision to have my birth at a birthing center because I just do not want a hospital birth. It's not the environment I want. I've read lots of birth stories and I've talked to other women who have had hospital births and each one was different and I recognize that mine will be different also. But there are enough similarities for me to recognize that it's not what I want. Maybe I just hate hospitals and that has something to do with it. I want to be in a normal, calm environment that will hopefully make me more relaxed and less worried and less anxious than if I'd be in a hospital. I want things to be as natural as possible. Not rushed. And THAT IS OKAY! A part of me is really bothered that when I say I want to have a med-free birth they're like, "Really? We'll see..." like they don't think I know what I'm getting to. A part of them is right, I don't know what I'm getting in to. BUT, that doesn't mean I don't know what I WANT!
I believe it is important for a woman who wants to have a med-free birth to BELIEVE with all her heart and mind and body that she really can do it. I also believe it's important that she have a strong support system of people who believes she can do it, too. Not people who laugh and think she'll cave into drugs when the pain gets intense. I've already had someone close to me almost laugh out loud at the idea that I could do it. And that really hurts. I am always open to ideas, suggestions, and concerns. But straight up doubt, laughter, or complete disbelief that I am capable of doing something...that's just mean and NOT what I need in my life for the next 30+ weeks.
Whew...I've been harboring that for like a week. I feel a little better now - a little stronger. I'm sure there will be more posts similar as more people find out and I need to justify birthing on my terms.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Just for reference...
Approx. 4ish weeks (EDD not comfirmed yet)
So I can remember what once was...lol! I think belly pics are one of the coolest things to look at during pregnancy...of course I may not feel that way now that it's my own pregnancy! But, this is so we have something to compare all those soon-to-be big belly pics coming our way in the next 9 months.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Current Reads
So I started skimming thru "What to Expect When You're Expecting..." It does have some useful information, but nothing that seems I didn't have an inkling about before (thru other people's experiences of course). I think it's going to serve as a reminder of what's coming up more than a vastness of unknown knowledge. I can see why others would probably lose interest or only refer to it for specific topics.
I also started the wonderful book that my bff gave me (did I ever tell you that she is the BESTEST EVER?!). It's called "Birthing From Within" and it really discusses the emotional, psychological and physical realities of childbirth. It's really about putting the parents in control of the birth rather than the medical field. I have read a few chapters already and I've asked my DH to follow along with me and do the exercises with me (since he too wants to follow this sort of path for our childbirth). It's my belief that something like this - less texty and more interactive and engaging - will bring us closer together and be more supportive of each other during the next 35+ weeks.
I also started the wonderful book that my bff gave me (did I ever tell you that she is the BESTEST EVER?!). It's called "Birthing From Within" and it really discusses the emotional, psychological and physical realities of childbirth. It's really about putting the parents in control of the birth rather than the medical field. I have read a few chapters already and I've asked my DH to follow along with me and do the exercises with me (since he too wants to follow this sort of path for our childbirth). It's my belief that something like this - less texty and more interactive and engaging - will bring us closer together and be more supportive of each other during the next 35+ weeks.
Birthing Center Tour date set!
July 9th @ 10am
The tour dates/times are not the mos convenient for those people who actually work for a living, lol:o) BUT, I'm off work that week so it all worked out great! I'm so excited...and nervous...and excited!
AHHHH!
The tour dates/times are not the mos convenient for those people who actually work for a living, lol:o) BUT, I'm off work that week so it all worked out great! I'm so excited...and nervous...and excited!
AHHHH!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Poppy Seed Indeed!
My baby is the size of a poppy seed! Special, right? I was up ath 5:45 am. I don't remember the last time I was up so early. My brain totally got to me, so I decided to roll out of bed and shower around 6am this morning. I drank my pregnancy tea instead of coffee this morning. Had 2 pieces of toast a few hours later when I started to get my morning hungries. Hubby woke up a few hours later and that's when I decided to call the Birth Center in Chapel Hill.
Shawn and I have been talking about this place for some time and not just the center itself, but the type of birth we want for our child. I think every person is different and I respect every woman's view on how she wants her birth to go. I, personally, do not want to be in an environment that is more encouraging of labor-inducing drugs or pain killers or c-sections. I'm not saying that won't turn out to be what happens if there's an emergency. BUT, if I can have a labor without those things around me and I feel like I did my best and then the medically trained people who don't normally encourage the other things say, "you need to go over there now!"...well then...at least I did my best and I know that I couldn't change what happens.
So, anywho, I called the Birth Center and talked to a very nice woman. She went over a lot of info on the phone, which was VERY useful, and then asked me to set up a date for the introductional tour that's required before registration. I need to check my dates and double check my availability. Then Shawn went over the information I received and he seems very pleased.
My bosses know. That was nerve-wrecking! I don't know why - I guess because there are so many "what-ifs" as my bff puts it. They would like to keep me on as long as possible and I'd like to stay on, so it's not a question of what we all want, it's what might happen if it doesn't work out according to plan. I do know that they are very supportive people and I'm lucky to have such a wonderful job!
So, it's been a busy day so far. I feel fine. Hope the rest of the day goes well!
Shawn and I have been talking about this place for some time and not just the center itself, but the type of birth we want for our child. I think every person is different and I respect every woman's view on how she wants her birth to go. I, personally, do not want to be in an environment that is more encouraging of labor-inducing drugs or pain killers or c-sections. I'm not saying that won't turn out to be what happens if there's an emergency. BUT, if I can have a labor without those things around me and I feel like I did my best and then the medically trained people who don't normally encourage the other things say, "you need to go over there now!"...well then...at least I did my best and I know that I couldn't change what happens.
So, anywho, I called the Birth Center and talked to a very nice woman. She went over a lot of info on the phone, which was VERY useful, and then asked me to set up a date for the introductional tour that's required before registration. I need to check my dates and double check my availability. Then Shawn went over the information I received and he seems very pleased.
My bosses know. That was nerve-wrecking! I don't know why - I guess because there are so many "what-ifs" as my bff puts it. They would like to keep me on as long as possible and I'd like to stay on, so it's not a question of what we all want, it's what might happen if it doesn't work out according to plan. I do know that they are very supportive people and I'm lucky to have such a wonderful job!
So, it's been a busy day so far. I feel fine. Hope the rest of the day goes well!
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