Blogger FAIL!

I apologize. I have not blogged in over a month. I never provided an 11 month update and now we're about 8 days away from the big 1...YEAR that is!!! I've had no Wordless Wednesdays. No Thankful Thursdays. Nada.

EPIC FAIL:o(

And there really is no good reason. There are two really bad reasons. 1) I'm lazy. I've updated my 101 blog several times since then because it's so much easier to just jump on, make a few notes and move on. I also like crossing things off of my [internet] list, so blogging over there makes me feel more accomplished. 2) I have been in absolute denial that my child is about to turn 1 years old:o/

I'm not talking "Oh, my baby has gotten so big, she CANT be one yet!" I mean...I literally put off planning a birthday party for her until Sunday night when I FINALLY hashed things out with the hubby and then [insert tackiness here!] sent a text to our family and few friends who we want to come hang out. Flame away! A text invite...as my bff said "klassy!" But even with that, a part of me is saying "It's not really a party. Autumn won't even understand what's going on. It's more like a get together, a hang out, which we usually do with the family and we're just adding a few others for the day." But the realiziation is that this is a party - it's to celebrate my baby being a whole year and the fact that Shawn and I survived this whole year! She will have a cake. And, though I've told people that she really needs NOTHING, there will be gifts. We will sing "Happy Birthday" and the monkey will smash her cake.

I'm.throwing.my.child's.first.birthday.party.

I must come to accept this and yet I hate it. I HATE IT.

We all wonder Where does the time go? And I wonder How did people ever remember a thing before photography and videography? I cannot for the life of me remember pregnancy or my big belly. However, I remember EACH and EVERY detail of her birth. It's disturbing. But after that...I'm clueless. Thank God for pictures and videos because I look and say Oh yea! This year did have a lot happen - our first trip to the beach as a family, ditto with the mountains of NC and TN, all the fun swimming she did in the summer, her first Halloween, meeting Grandpa, our first Christmas, our first visit to NJ to see all our family and celebrate New Year's, etc etc. But I can't remember her being my baby. And then I see videos or pictures and I miss my baby. And then I look at this little ball of energy who likes to crawl and pull up and snuggle and play chase and I ADORE her.

I.am.torn. I want my baby to stay a baby, but I can't wait for her to grow up and see all the wonderful things she's going to figure out and do. Oh the dilemmas of parenthood. Mom...Dad...I get it. I absolutely 100000% get it now. And it's the coolest, yet most heart breaking thing to deal with.

And so that's the truth people. I've been in absolute denial and have refused to come to this blog because I have not wanted to even think about my little girl turning a year so soon.

And now that my sad and pathetic story is done....I'll put up some WW pictures tomorrow so you can see how she's grown. And then this Saturday is her party so I'm sure there will be some fun pictures from that, too.

Wordless Wednesday!!!

Thankful Thursday

This Thursday I have a ton to be thankful for:o)

~Vacations. Nuff said!

~My best friend. Without her I'd probably be very lost in this world<3

~My best friend's family. They have always and will forever be my "home away from home." They love me and care for me as if I've always been their own and they truly are a blessing in my life. I am thankful for their hospitality this week (food, shelter, and hot tub!) and the joy they feel just for having us here. I do love them so much!

~My loving husband who, despite missing me and his little girl, understands the importance for me to just get away for a few days and relax. I'm sorry he couldn't make this trip with us, but I'm so proud of him for working so hard this week in this unbelievable weather to help support us.

~Days when my child seems to adore sleep.

~Double stuffed oreo cookies, doritos, and hot dogs with cheese;o)

I'm a happy girl this Thursday!

Highway Shoe-Losers...come in please

How do people lose odd things, like A SHOE on the highway? Not a pair. Just one.

I understand hats - people driving convertibles or open top Jeeps or something similar.

I understand baby socks, shoes, toys, etc - children like throwing things out the window (although I'm not a fan of open windows for children on a busy street for this very reason and others).

I understand cds since I've lost and witnessed several other occassions where they go flying out the window when you're searching for one very specific cd (how often is it the one that just flew out the window?).

But do tell...how do you lose ONE shoe? If it's a situation where your trunk opened and your suitcase came unpacked - then why did you pick up everything BUT that shoe? I'm just curious. HOW THE F*^&@ DO PEOPLE LOSE ONE SHOE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET?!

And that's your random thought for the day:o)

Winding down...

This evening I remembered why I don't get to post often (yet I'm pushing myself to do it tonight)...because there are no 48 hours in one day...only HALF of that. Dammit!

At 1030pm I was just winding down.

Get home from work. Dinner. Give Jynx a bath. Go for a family walk. Read books & sing to Autumn. Get Autumn ready for bed. Feed Autumn. Goodnight Autumn! Brush dog. Tidy-up kitchen from dinner. Put clothes in washer. Take out garbage. Take out recycling. Pack diaper bag for morning. Make the bed. Put husband to bed. BREATHE!

AND if you looked around my house, it would look like nothing has been done. The bathroom is in chaos b/c I haven't put everything back after giving the dog a bath. There's folded laundry that needs to be put away. Cloth diapers that need to be put away. A sink full of dishes. A dishwasher full of clean disher. Laundry that is now waiting to be put in the dryer.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's never ending. But what is good? The fact that I know it's never-ending, meaning that instead of trying to do it all tonight I'm just letting it sit and fester and I will get to it tomorrow. Well...the laundry I need to put in the dryer, but I'll so that before bed. Everything else will wait. Because it can. And because I NEED to have my 30-60 minutes of ME time. So I spent some time catching up on blogs and writing this post. And now? Now it's bedtime!

Tomorrow we're off to a pool playdate. Woo-hoo!

Weighing In - In more ways than one:o)

Tomorrow's MY 6 week checkup. With that on my mind and with the events of today I thought I'd blog about some stuff swirling around in my head.

I weigh 141.8 lbs. I am very much ok with this! This weekend I realize that when i found my spring clothes and the rest of my pre-preggo size 9 jeans that..well..see below:oP

LOL! I'm laughing because it is funny. And...if I wasn't laughing I might cry. The reality is, I really could care less that they don't fit. Doesn't bother me in the least. My weight tells the real story, but my body is shaped differently than before and for a very good reason:o) It's the fact that we're lacking in funds right now and clothes shopping is NOT very high on the list. I plan on hitting an awesome consignment store in the area asap, but that still might not happen for a few weeks. So alas...I will walk around NAKED until then!!! Ok, maybe not.

Moving on...last week sucked. It was a hard week for me mentally and when my brain goes haywire so do my horomones. Or maybe it's the other way around. I don't even think the best scientists know what triggers what. Anyway...so last week sucked. Weekend was AWESOME! Shawn and I spent a lot of quality time with friends, family, and each other. It was magnificent. And I love spending so much time together to watch him be Daddy. That's my favorite thing...watching Shawn be Daddy. It's a role - just like brother, son, uncle, husband, friends -now he's also Daddy. And it's beautiful!

Fast forward to today...I had a meeting at 11am. Sunday night I mentioned having to make sure all was ready to go in the morning so I could get myself and Autumn there on time. Shawn says to leave her home with him. I've left her home with him for a few hours, but all day?! Let me just say that I have FULL confidence in my husband. I trust him 10000% percent in his abilities to care for our child. But was I ready to do a whole day without her? I said ok.

And the day went fine! Autumn slept late because she had had ad HORRID day before (we're not going into that...) and so I got myself ready. Fed her at 9am. I left at 10am. My meeting started early and went til a little after 11am. I called - all was well:o) I went to work. I got some paperwork done for bowling, I took care of my munchkin-girl, called home ONCE at 3:30pm and all was well, took munchkin-girl and munchkin-boy of "mine" to the library, took them home, read books, played and actually got out of work a little early at 5:30pm. Home by 6pm.

While it was very nice to not have a child attached to me (and my boobs) all day, I did miss Autumn a lot. BUT, she had an AWESOME day with Daddy! She went for a long walk, visited with neighbors, played with a 1yr old little girl, took good naps, ate good, and has no fussiness!

What does this tell me? I need to relax. I need to remind myself that Shawn IS capable - just like I knew he would be - and sometimes I need to let him do a little more so that I can hold onto my sanity. I need my "me" time in order to keep being ME! I've thought about some stuff I'd like to do and my goal is to try a few things to week - a little at a time - to see what works for us:

~do some personal reading - not school related, baby related, internet related. Nope. Pick a book & take a bath or close the bedroom door and read! Even if it's only for 15 mins an evening.

~workout. I really need to find a time I can do this - even if it means getting out of bed, which is SO hard. I just need to start doing something at home forlike 20 mins a day. We'll see how many times it gets done this week and we'll go from there.

~cook. I do miss making dinner.

So those are three small goals. Very small. Because when a little one enters into your life, no matter how much she "fits", the very small goals still manage to end up being large goals. So let's see how we manage these and then we'll discuss baking cupcakes from scratch, joining a book club, and hitting the gym 4 nights a week:oP

Time Flies...

When you're changing lots of poopy diapers!

Today is our last day before returning to work tomorrow. Some women get up to 12+ weeks of maternity leave, but the job of a nanny means just about 3 weeks off:o) And I'm okay with that! The kiddos I take care of spent a fun two weeks with their Grandmom and then one week in Disney! While I'm sure their weeks have been fun-filled and very exciting, it means we have a lot of catching up to do when I return...a lot of readjustment back to the "normal" schedule...and all of it being done with the new excitement of Autumn tagging along at work! I will have my hands full, but I miss the kids and it will be all sorts of new fun taking care of THREE kids every day instead of just two. (Did I REALLY just say that?! I must be nuts!)

Today I think we have been the laziest people around...meaning Autumn and I. Daddy's actually done quite a lot today! But not Autumn and I. We lounged in bed til almost 10. She's been napping like a champ today. And I FINALLY am catching up on my DVRed television shows that I could have been doing this whole time. But nope, I wait til last minute. I've done nothing constructive - CORRECTION - I DID make sure the diaper bag was packed and ready to go tomorrow, especially being fully stocked for diapers from approx 12pm-6pm for tomorrow! I still need to clean the car out and just organize it all for tomorrow, but I also have tomorrow morning to do that.

I could be doing some laundry, cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, writing a few thank you cards, etc. But I'm not. I'm being lazy. And I'm loving it! And I think it's really funny that Autumn is being lazy, too. Yesterday she was a feeding FIEND! She seems to be going through a growth spurt and decided she was going to cluster feed all day yesterday - it drove me up a wall! And then she slept great throughout the night and all day today she's been pretty chill. I guess all that eating yesterday wore her out:o)

Anyway...so I have other posts I want to write that I've been thinking about, but they probably won't happen today either. It was effort just to hop on and write this. Is this what people meant by relaxing? It's so strange to me. I really need to do this every once in awhile for myself!