I apologize. I have not blogged in over a month. I never provided an 11 month update and now we're about 8 days away from the big 1...YEAR that is!!! I've had no Wordless Wednesdays. No Thankful Thursdays. Nada.
EPIC FAIL:o(
And there really is no good reason. There are two really bad reasons. 1) I'm lazy. I've updated my 101 blog several times since then because it's so much easier to just jump on, make a few notes and move on. I also like crossing things off of my [internet] list, so blogging over there makes me feel more accomplished. 2) I have been in absolute denial that my child is about to turn 1 years old:o/
I'm not talking "Oh, my baby has gotten so big, she CANT be one yet!" I mean...I literally put off planning a birthday party for her until Sunday night when I FINALLY hashed things out with the hubby and then [insert tackiness here!] sent a text to our family and few friends who we want to come hang out. Flame away! A text invite...as my bff said "klassy!" But even with that, a part of me is saying "It's not really a party. Autumn won't even understand what's going on. It's more like a get together, a hang out, which we usually do with the family and we're just adding a few others for the day." But the realiziation is that this is a party - it's to celebrate my baby being a whole year and the fact that Shawn and I survived this whole year! She will have a cake. And, though I've told people that she really needs NOTHING, there will be gifts. We will sing "Happy Birthday" and the monkey will smash her cake.
I'm.throwing.my.child's.first.birthday.party.
I must come to accept this and yet I hate it. I HATE IT.
We all wonder Where does the time go? And I wonder How did people ever remember a thing before photography and videography? I cannot for the life of me remember pregnancy or my big belly. However, I remember EACH and EVERY detail of her birth. It's disturbing. But after that...I'm clueless. Thank God for pictures and videos because I look and say Oh yea! This year did have a lot happen - our first trip to the beach as a family, ditto with the mountains of NC and TN, all the fun swimming she did in the summer, her first Halloween, meeting Grandpa, our first Christmas, our first visit to NJ to see all our family and celebrate New Year's, etc etc. But I can't remember her being my baby. And then I see videos or pictures and I miss my baby. And then I look at this little ball of energy who likes to crawl and pull up and snuggle and play chase and I ADORE her.
I.am.torn. I want my baby to stay a baby, but I can't wait for her to grow up and see all the wonderful things she's going to figure out and do. Oh the dilemmas of parenthood. Mom...Dad...I get it. I absolutely 100000% get it now. And it's the coolest, yet most heart breaking thing to deal with.
And so that's the truth people. I've been in absolute denial and have refused to come to this blog because I have not wanted to even think about my little girl turning a year so soon.
And now that my sad and pathetic story is done....I'll put up some WW pictures tomorrow so you can see how she's grown. And then this Saturday is her party so I'm sure there will be some fun pictures from that, too.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Monday, December 6, 2010
I'm alive!
I haven't posted in awhile. I suck. Actually, the past few weeks have flown by in a frenzy of school work and Thanksgiving holiday craziness. Classes are now over. I still have the final draft of a paper due Friday at noon. I also have a final exam on the 16th. Then I graduate on the 18th. And now it seems like time is going by so slowly....can I just walk across a stage and get my degree already?!
Note: I'll probably have a long and sappy graduation post in the coming days.
Autumn is doing fantastic. I've learned that her personality "tell" is her feet. Yea, you read that right. Her feet. Some people it's their eyes or smile or eyebrows, but my baby has these adorable baby feet that have a mind of their own. The way she curls her toes and snuggles them close together when she's content or when she kicks them because she's so excited it's dinnertime or when her toes ever so slightly wiggle when she's sitting on the floor playing with a toy. I'm telling you...her feet have personality and I love them!
Autumn is eating lots of new foods - mini pancakes, BREAD - any kind of bread, french fries, green beans, mashed potatoes, etc etc etc. Daddy and I are thinking of becoming closet eaters. The child can eat all her dinner, be in the middle of playtime, but wait...oh...WHAT?! You have FOOD! I WANT SOME! And she will bitch you out if you don't share. Mommy usually shares. Daddy does not. He's mean:oP
She's still not sleeping through the night. I'm not really tackling this right now. It's not really interfering with my schedule, so whatever.
She's really close to standing up by herself. She pulls up very well and has started to take steps with her push-walker (as long as we hold it to prevent it from flying across the room and causing a face-plant). She has started waving BYE-BYE! This really excites me! And she's starting to understand "blow a kiss" but hasn't got the motions down.
Babbling occurs constantly. She is a talker. Especially when she's tired or wants something.
The baby is wonderful. Just wonderful. It's hard to believe that in 2 months I'll have to arrange her first birthday party - where did the time go? This week she'll be 10 months. I guess this turned into an early 10 month update. I meant to go somewhere else with this post, but it feels wrong to include it now with such a happy post about my little girl! I love her. My sqirmy, wormy, giggly happy monkey!
Note: I'll probably have a long and sappy graduation post in the coming days.
Autumn is doing fantastic. I've learned that her personality "tell" is her feet. Yea, you read that right. Her feet. Some people it's their eyes or smile or eyebrows, but my baby has these adorable baby feet that have a mind of their own. The way she curls her toes and snuggles them close together when she's content or when she kicks them because she's so excited it's dinnertime or when her toes ever so slightly wiggle when she's sitting on the floor playing with a toy. I'm telling you...her feet have personality and I love them!
Autumn is eating lots of new foods - mini pancakes, BREAD - any kind of bread, french fries, green beans, mashed potatoes, etc etc etc. Daddy and I are thinking of becoming closet eaters. The child can eat all her dinner, be in the middle of playtime, but wait...oh...WHAT?! You have FOOD! I WANT SOME! And she will bitch you out if you don't share. Mommy usually shares. Daddy does not. He's mean:oP
She's still not sleeping through the night. I'm not really tackling this right now. It's not really interfering with my schedule, so whatever.
She's really close to standing up by herself. She pulls up very well and has started to take steps with her push-walker (as long as we hold it to prevent it from flying across the room and causing a face-plant). She has started waving BYE-BYE! This really excites me! And she's starting to understand "blow a kiss" but hasn't got the motions down.
Babbling occurs constantly. She is a talker. Especially when she's tired or wants something.
The baby is wonderful. Just wonderful. It's hard to believe that in 2 months I'll have to arrange her first birthday party - where did the time go? This week she'll be 10 months. I guess this turned into an early 10 month update. I meant to go somewhere else with this post, but it feels wrong to include it now with such a happy post about my little girl! I love her. My sqirmy, wormy, giggly happy monkey!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
9 months!
On Tuesday Autumn was 9 months old! In 3 more months she'll be a year. YIKES! There's this weird feeling like yesterday she was just born because I can remember every little detail and time just can't fly by so fast, but also that other sense that she's always been here. I can't remember what our home was like without toys scattered across the living room floor, a mini pink bathtub taking up some of our bathroom floor, and cloth diaper laundry to be done. Really. She's just plopped into our lives so easily that it's hard to imagine life without her, or even before her!
On Wednesday we went for her checkup. Shawn is still concerned about giving her a flu shot, and since I'm not pushed either way until I start to see a rise in flu cases around us, I put it off for now. She did receive the polio vaccine and the child did not cry, flinch or anything! Tough baby! The doctor said her motor skills are developing just as they should be. Her weight was only 17.8lbs. It's a little above 25%, but not back up to her "pre-6 month normal" of 50%. He didn't care. This was a huge relief to me since I was concerned he'd tell me that I was starving my child or something. In truth, Daddy and I are both tall and skinny and so that's likely what's in store for Autumn. By 12 months he said he doubts she'll even be 20 lbs, he's guessing more like 19. 1.2 lbs in 3 months?! I can handle that! Especially when Autumn LOVES food and she seems to be trying new things everyday day. Want to know what she's eating? It's a fun list!
Beside baby food mixed with cereal we've started some "real" solids:
- baby snacks like puffs, wagon wheels and biter biscuits
- yogurt
- bananas
- goldfish
- green beans
- mashed potatoes
- applesauce
- pizza crust (an EXCELLENT teething food)
- bread (like warm rolls minus the crunchy crust)
- spaghetti (this was last night when I was eating and she looked at me in a way I felt so guilty so I had to share)
I think that's it, but there might be some more. I plan on doing grocery shopping today and finding more exciting things to get her. With all this table food, on top of her regular meals, she should have no problem putting an extra pound on that cute baby butt!
What else is she doing?
Crawling...EVERYWHERE! She doesn't like being in a room alone, so she's learned to follow us around the house. I find this very cool! There isn't too much on our floors she shouldn't get into (unless of course I forget to vaccum for a day or two and dog hair is everywhere!), so I like that she is being mobile and learning to get around without me having to pick her up and carry her everywhere. It's teaching her some independence and letting me contiune getting things done when necessary. She pulls herself up, especially when she wants a piece of paper from the couch! Oh yes, paper, plastic, wires, shoes and socks are her favorite things - don't bother with toys for Christmas, just provide tissue paper and boxes - thanks!
Her small motor skills are amazing. While she is not clapping yet, she can pick up two small balls about the size of her hands, and continuously put them together in a fast motion. It's just about the same requirements for clapping and I find this fascinating. She loved to twist and turn her wrist...it's cute. She will give kisses with a big open mouth and snuggle into your neck for hugs. She is starting to understand "No!" by the tone of my voice and she will hear it, sit on her bottom and look at me. Then grin. The brat!
She does NOT sleep through the night. She is getting much better at crying herself back to sleep, but at least once a night I still have to nurse her. Her naps are getting better and becoming routine.
She babbles a lot - mamamama, dadadadadada, and she does this funny hum/squeak that always sounds like "HM? What? Really?!" If you do it back and forth with her it gets more high pitch and it's very cute!
No teeth, but the teething continues. Some weeks are bad, some weeks are better. I'm in no rush for her to be biting on my boobs, so it's all good!
I still breastfeed. YAY! I'm very excited to think that her and I will make it to at least a year:o)
~So that's about it. I can't update often due to the busy schedule with school, the craziness of holidays coming up, the insane amount of housework I have, and the time I need to spend with my family and myself! I am hoping updates will come faster after December. I miss blogging and my bloggers! Hope all is well with all of you:o)
On Wednesday we went for her checkup. Shawn is still concerned about giving her a flu shot, and since I'm not pushed either way until I start to see a rise in flu cases around us, I put it off for now. She did receive the polio vaccine and the child did not cry, flinch or anything! Tough baby! The doctor said her motor skills are developing just as they should be. Her weight was only 17.8lbs. It's a little above 25%, but not back up to her "pre-6 month normal" of 50%. He didn't care. This was a huge relief to me since I was concerned he'd tell me that I was starving my child or something. In truth, Daddy and I are both tall and skinny and so that's likely what's in store for Autumn. By 12 months he said he doubts she'll even be 20 lbs, he's guessing more like 19. 1.2 lbs in 3 months?! I can handle that! Especially when Autumn LOVES food and she seems to be trying new things everyday day. Want to know what she's eating? It's a fun list!
Beside baby food mixed with cereal we've started some "real" solids:
- baby snacks like puffs, wagon wheels and biter biscuits
- yogurt
- bananas
- goldfish
- green beans
- mashed potatoes
- applesauce
- pizza crust (an EXCELLENT teething food)
- bread (like warm rolls minus the crunchy crust)
- spaghetti (this was last night when I was eating and she looked at me in a way I felt so guilty so I had to share)
I think that's it, but there might be some more. I plan on doing grocery shopping today and finding more exciting things to get her. With all this table food, on top of her regular meals, she should have no problem putting an extra pound on that cute baby butt!
What else is she doing?
Crawling...EVERYWHERE! She doesn't like being in a room alone, so she's learned to follow us around the house. I find this very cool! There isn't too much on our floors she shouldn't get into (unless of course I forget to vaccum for a day or two and dog hair is everywhere!), so I like that she is being mobile and learning to get around without me having to pick her up and carry her everywhere. It's teaching her some independence and letting me contiune getting things done when necessary. She pulls herself up, especially when she wants a piece of paper from the couch! Oh yes, paper, plastic, wires, shoes and socks are her favorite things - don't bother with toys for Christmas, just provide tissue paper and boxes - thanks!
Her small motor skills are amazing. While she is not clapping yet, she can pick up two small balls about the size of her hands, and continuously put them together in a fast motion. It's just about the same requirements for clapping and I find this fascinating. She loved to twist and turn her wrist...it's cute. She will give kisses with a big open mouth and snuggle into your neck for hugs. She is starting to understand "No!" by the tone of my voice and she will hear it, sit on her bottom and look at me. Then grin. The brat!
She does NOT sleep through the night. She is getting much better at crying herself back to sleep, but at least once a night I still have to nurse her. Her naps are getting better and becoming routine.
She babbles a lot - mamamama, dadadadadada, and she does this funny hum/squeak that always sounds like "HM? What? Really?!" If you do it back and forth with her it gets more high pitch and it's very cute!
No teeth, but the teething continues. Some weeks are bad, some weeks are better. I'm in no rush for her to be biting on my boobs, so it's all good!
I still breastfeed. YAY! I'm very excited to think that her and I will make it to at least a year:o)
~So that's about it. I can't update often due to the busy schedule with school, the craziness of holidays coming up, the insane amount of housework I have, and the time I need to spend with my family and myself! I am hoping updates will come faster after December. I miss blogging and my bloggers! Hope all is well with all of you:o)
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Thankful Thursday! (x2!!!!)
(This is a post-dated post from last Thursday night. I was just about to finish it when an emergency came up and I had to go to work. So you're getting two Thankful Thursday posts! ENJOY!)
September 23 --
~Yummy bacon & cheese biscuits that my husband spontaneously made tonight. It was dinner. It was not a single bit of healthy and I loved every bite!
~Hubby for watching Autumn tonight so I could attend a teaching program info session tonight. I know...he's the daddy...it shouldn't be a big deal, but it is. I'm slowly but surely starting to take steps toward becoming a career woman and he supports me every step of the way and will do whatever necessary to help me get there. I love him!
~Wine.
~The fact that hubby already did some of our laundry. Yea...he's been earning brownie points this week.
~A 92! on a research proposal for one of my papers this semester. It wasn't deserved. Professor knows it and so do I. But she knows the work I CAN do, so I'll be making better efforts in the future for the rest of this paper.
September 30 --
~Adorable, healthy newborn babies!!!! My brother and sister-in-law had their first baby a few weeks early, but everything went very well and Madison is just a beautiful baby girl. I'm SOOOOO excited for them. CONGRATULATIONS!
~VACTION! This evening we leave for vacation. I'm very excited. I'm NOT excited about the homework I still have to finish (maybe I should be doing that instead of blogging? Hm...), the packing that's not done, Autumn's first ear infection:o( or this crummy rain that will make the roads awful this evening. Other than that, I'm VERY EXCITED!
~caffeine. it's what i live on these days. coffee & sweet tea!
~Rainy days so the hubby can stay home with monkey. Even though it means less work and less money, I prefer to look on the bright side!
~Oh, and my birthday! It's Saturday. I actually could care less. I keep forgetting that it's here. However, the thought that I'll be relaxing on my birthday instead of home and stressing about everything makes me very happy:o)
September 23 --
~Yummy bacon & cheese biscuits that my husband spontaneously made tonight. It was dinner. It was not a single bit of healthy and I loved every bite!
~Hubby for watching Autumn tonight so I could attend a teaching program info session tonight. I know...he's the daddy...it shouldn't be a big deal, but it is. I'm slowly but surely starting to take steps toward becoming a career woman and he supports me every step of the way and will do whatever necessary to help me get there. I love him!
~Wine.
~The fact that hubby already did some of our laundry. Yea...he's been earning brownie points this week.
~A 92! on a research proposal for one of my papers this semester. It wasn't deserved. Professor knows it and so do I. But she knows the work I CAN do, so I'll be making better efforts in the future for the rest of this paper.
September 30 --
~Adorable, healthy newborn babies!!!! My brother and sister-in-law had their first baby a few weeks early, but everything went very well and Madison is just a beautiful baby girl. I'm SOOOOO excited for them. CONGRATULATIONS!
~VACTION! This evening we leave for vacation. I'm very excited. I'm NOT excited about the homework I still have to finish (maybe I should be doing that instead of blogging? Hm...), the packing that's not done, Autumn's first ear infection:o( or this crummy rain that will make the roads awful this evening. Other than that, I'm VERY EXCITED!
~caffeine. it's what i live on these days. coffee & sweet tea!
~Rainy days so the hubby can stay home with monkey. Even though it means less work and less money, I prefer to look on the bright side!
~Oh, and my birthday! It's Saturday. I actually could care less. I keep forgetting that it's here. However, the thought that I'll be relaxing on my birthday instead of home and stressing about everything makes me very happy:o)
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Popping in
To update you about my little girl. This blog is about her, no? Today was a wonderful day. Daddy was home from work, so Autumn spent most of the day with him instead of going to Aunt Tara's. She slept in til 9:30 (she was up a few times in the night, which is still normal for her right now) and I only got to see her for a few minutes before heading to class. Daddy & Autumn went for a walk, he sang to her! (first time I think he's ever admitted to this), they played, etc. She was wonderful for him. And he embraced every moment of it. I didn't pick her up until almost 3!!! I love these days when I get to leave her at home with Daddy. I love the one-on-one time they get together and the happy smiles I come home to. I know Shawn truly loves to spend time with our daughter. It took me awhile to realize that we have our own ways of playing with her, but each is special and she will grow up having her own special relationship with him and that melts my heart.
She's growing up so fast. She has this personality and these quirks that make her so unbearably cute. When she's tired she gets super-giddy. She blows rasberries and bubbles and babbles uncontrollably when she's overdue for a nap or bedtime. When she's mad, Lord knows she can tell you! I love hearing her voice...I can imagine what it's going to sound like when she really starts talking and it's the sound of an angel.
She's starting to rock on all fours and occasionally can scoot her knees forward. She goes backwards like a champ! It's horrible, but I laugh because she looks forward and wants to go forward, but gets so frustrated that she ends up going the wrong way. She has this look of, "What the heck?! I want to go THAT way!" She will be crawling in no time. And then...help me!
When she curls up to sleep she needs to touch something. When I nurse her, it's my face. When she lays in the crib, it's one of her security blankets usually. She snuggles her blankets.
I am looking forward to our vacation next week so much. Not just because a vacation is much needed for Shawn and myself, but because we get to take our daughter with us. This is our 4th annual trip and every year has celebrated something special: Year 1 - our engagement, Year 2 - our marriage, Year 3 - our pregnancy, Year 4 - our first baby! Our trips have become a staple in our relationship and a testament to how much we've grown with one another. I cannot wait to show Autumn all the beautiful sites and spend so much one-on-one time with her away from all the distractions of everyday life.
She's growing up so fast. She has this personality and these quirks that make her so unbearably cute. When she's tired she gets super-giddy. She blows rasberries and bubbles and babbles uncontrollably when she's overdue for a nap or bedtime. When she's mad, Lord knows she can tell you! I love hearing her voice...I can imagine what it's going to sound like when she really starts talking and it's the sound of an angel.
She's starting to rock on all fours and occasionally can scoot her knees forward. She goes backwards like a champ! It's horrible, but I laugh because she looks forward and wants to go forward, but gets so frustrated that she ends up going the wrong way. She has this look of, "What the heck?! I want to go THAT way!" She will be crawling in no time. And then...help me!
When she curls up to sleep she needs to touch something. When I nurse her, it's my face. When she lays in the crib, it's one of her security blankets usually. She snuggles her blankets.
I am looking forward to our vacation next week so much. Not just because a vacation is much needed for Shawn and myself, but because we get to take our daughter with us. This is our 4th annual trip and every year has celebrated something special: Year 1 - our engagement, Year 2 - our marriage, Year 3 - our pregnancy, Year 4 - our first baby! Our trips have become a staple in our relationship and a testament to how much we've grown with one another. I cannot wait to show Autumn all the beautiful sites and spend so much one-on-one time with her away from all the distractions of everyday life.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Focusing on the cute...
While I could focus on the bad things...like technology-impaired professors and blatant DUH!ness
Or the good things...like getting 1 hour away from everything while Shawn kept Autumn and I got a whole chapter read for school
I'm going to focus on the cute things! Every (ok...most) babies are happy. HAPPY HAPPY BABIES! YAY! But every parent likes to say "I have such a happy baby!" I do it. I know I do it. It's true, so deal! But truly, there are those moments when Autumn just looks at me with this smirk and then it widen to an ear-to-ear grin and she's flapping her arms wildly and kicking her legs. And even she knows she's happy. She's expressing her joy and excitement and in doing so, makes her self more excited! It's adorable:o)
I love those moments. They make me happy and I need to continue to focus on them when I'm feeling overwhelmed and too busy. Because in the end, everything else will disappear, but my happy baby will be there for me, happy to see me, ready to be loved on and SHE is all that matters!
Or the good things...like getting 1 hour away from everything while Shawn kept Autumn and I got a whole chapter read for school
I'm going to focus on the cute things! Every (ok...most) babies are happy. HAPPY HAPPY BABIES! YAY! But every parent likes to say "I have such a happy baby!" I do it. I know I do it. It's true, so deal! But truly, there are those moments when Autumn just looks at me with this smirk and then it widen to an ear-to-ear grin and she's flapping her arms wildly and kicking her legs. And even she knows she's happy. She's expressing her joy and excitement and in doing so, makes her self more excited! It's adorable:o)
I love those moments. They make me happy and I need to continue to focus on them when I'm feeling overwhelmed and too busy. Because in the end, everything else will disappear, but my happy baby will be there for me, happy to see me, ready to be loved on and SHE is all that matters!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
And we're back!
Hello. How are you? Oh how I've missed you - my computer screen, the sound of my fingers typing away, and some much needed downtime. I've seriously been going to bed at 930pm. I need the sleep, but I also need this time. I'm probably going to be staying up later to study and research for class (more on that later), but I'm going to do my best to blog more often. I have a lot pent up and need to write. It keeps me calm, cool, and collected:o)
So, classes started on Thursday. I'm still on the waitlist for one (some Russian history class) and I desperately NEED to get in. It's the only class on a Tues/Thurs morning that I can take. And I NEED to take at least two classes or NO financial aid, which means that if I go down to one class and lose the financial aid there's no way I can pay for just one class on such short notice. Taking a bogus online "easy" class would be an option, but it would still mean not graduating this December and I don't see that as an option either. So --> Russian class is a MUST and I'd appreciate the professor adding me asap! I've e-mailed him three times...I think he realizes the urgency. Really.
My independent study course is on 20th century women's history. I've already had this professor and I LOVE HER! She's just awesomeness. However, it's a lot of reading. Interesting reading, but still a lot. And I'm already getting down to business with paper topics, questions, possible thesis, sources for my paper, etc. I will have a ton to hand her by Tuesday aka Day 2 of class. I'm on it like white on rice!
And I know you're all dying to know...Autumn did WONDERFUL at Aunt Becky's (aka my bff!). I knew she would, but of course I was very anxious. And I admit that I checked in probably more often than I needed to, possibly driving Becky up a wall, but she loves me and tolerates my nuerotic behaviour regardless. She took her bottles. She didn't eat her solid food, but that just meant I got to feed her later which I enjoyed. She napped - super important. And she played with her buddy, Caleb! Oh, and snuggled Aunt Becky - the MOST important thing of all.
However, I was SO HAPPY to see her. I really did miss her. I know it will get easier, but I don't think I'll ever get over that "she's back in my arms" feeling. And nursing her was just so precious. I did pump (in the car! while driving!) when she wasn't with me in order to keep up my supply and such. But nursing her after being away from her for about 4 hours was just wonderful! I snuggled her and loved on her and felt so happy to be with her again. Ok, making you sick, eh? I'll stop! lol
The next few weeks will be weird due to varying schedules with work. In about 2 weeks we should be down to a regular routine and things will calm down, get in step and we'll be rolling right along. She'll be staying with her Aunt Tara on Tuesdays, so this week will be the first for that. She's stayed with her before, just not for as long a period of time, but I'm still not too worried. She's raised two girls already, I'm sure she can handle the monkey!
So, classes started on Thursday. I'm still on the waitlist for one (some Russian history class) and I desperately NEED to get in. It's the only class on a Tues/Thurs morning that I can take. And I NEED to take at least two classes or NO financial aid, which means that if I go down to one class and lose the financial aid there's no way I can pay for just one class on such short notice. Taking a bogus online "easy" class would be an option, but it would still mean not graduating this December and I don't see that as an option either. So --> Russian class is a MUST and I'd appreciate the professor adding me asap! I've e-mailed him three times...I think he realizes the urgency. Really.
My independent study course is on 20th century women's history. I've already had this professor and I LOVE HER! She's just awesomeness. However, it's a lot of reading. Interesting reading, but still a lot. And I'm already getting down to business with paper topics, questions, possible thesis, sources for my paper, etc. I will have a ton to hand her by Tuesday aka Day 2 of class. I'm on it like white on rice!
And I know you're all dying to know...Autumn did WONDERFUL at Aunt Becky's (aka my bff!). I knew she would, but of course I was very anxious. And I admit that I checked in probably more often than I needed to, possibly driving Becky up a wall, but she loves me and tolerates my nuerotic behaviour regardless. She took her bottles. She didn't eat her solid food, but that just meant I got to feed her later which I enjoyed. She napped - super important. And she played with her buddy, Caleb! Oh, and snuggled Aunt Becky - the MOST important thing of all.
However, I was SO HAPPY to see her. I really did miss her. I know it will get easier, but I don't think I'll ever get over that "she's back in my arms" feeling. And nursing her was just so precious. I did pump (in the car! while driving!) when she wasn't with me in order to keep up my supply and such. But nursing her after being away from her for about 4 hours was just wonderful! I snuggled her and loved on her and felt so happy to be with her again. Ok, making you sick, eh? I'll stop! lol
The next few weeks will be weird due to varying schedules with work. In about 2 weeks we should be down to a regular routine and things will calm down, get in step and we'll be rolling right along. She'll be staying with her Aunt Tara on Tuesdays, so this week will be the first for that. She's stayed with her before, just not for as long a period of time, but I'm still not too worried. She's raised two girls already, I'm sure she can handle the monkey!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Being a Mom is like...(Blog Hop!)
I'm going to try to do a bloghop. This might fail miserably, but sooner or later I'll get it right, right?! I was thinking about this last night and then I thought, "How cool would it be to read what OTHER people thought?" So I decided that instead of just a plain old blog entry, I'd spice it up to see what others think. So we're blog hopping. I look forward to ANYONE who wants to write an entry!
All you have to write about it what "Being a Mom is like..." and link up. Here's mine:
Being a Mom is like...
Wearing a HOT pair of high heels!
We make it look easy
We make it look GOOOOOD
We make it look fun & trendy!
But at the end of the day...
Our feet hurt!
Our legs ache:o/
And we're just damn tired!
Men will never full understand.
Even if & when they try to walk a mile (ok..just a block!) in our shoes...
They try hard and they do their best
But they don't have the style and they don't have the grace
Give them their props for doing it their own way, but they can't do it like us, girls!
And other women wonder, why? WHY?
Why put yourselves through it all?
Because they too may not understand now (or ever)
That it's the self esteem boost,
The sense of accomplishment
And the pure joy we get...from wearing our "pair of HOT high heels!"
That's what being a mom is like. For me:o)
Looking foward to reading yours!
This is a Blog Hop! 1 entries so far... you're next!
All you have to write about it what "Being a Mom is like..." and link up. Here's mine:
Being a Mom is like...
Wearing a HOT pair of high heels!
We make it look easy
We make it look GOOOOOD
We make it look fun & trendy!
But at the end of the day...
Our feet hurt!
Our legs ache:o/
And we're just damn tired!
Men will never full understand.
Even if & when they try to walk a mile (ok..just a block!) in our shoes...
They try hard and they do their best
But they don't have the style and they don't have the grace
Give them their props for doing it their own way, but they can't do it like us, girls!
And other women wonder, why? WHY?
Why put yourselves through it all?
Because they too may not understand now (or ever)
That it's the self esteem boost,
The sense of accomplishment
And the pure joy we get...from wearing our "pair of HOT high heels!"
That's what being a mom is like. For me:o)
Looking foward to reading yours!
This is a Blog Hop! 1 entries so far... you're next!
You are next... What is a blog hop? Get the code here... |
Monday, August 2, 2010
Emotional Mommies - Come on in!
Organization and compartmentalizing only goes so far. I can follow a simple chore list to help me get through the week without burning myself out. When school comes I will map out the entire semester’s homework schedule that I’ve been known to follow 90% of the time. I will plan dinners, try to cook ahead, and make it a point to take my little girl to playdates and storytimes so that I know we’re getting out of the house to spend quality time together so I’m not distracted by other things.
These are lines that can be drawn. Boundaries I can choose to stay within or cross over at my own convenience.
But there are things I can’t help. Things like being a full-time mommy and wife, holding down a part-time job while being a part-time student. I can organize the activies of these persons, but I am just one person and therefore, these three have to coexist in one body. Which means all the separate emotions, daily stresses and ups and downs that come along with each “me” rattle around in my head and bounce into one another. It’s like my head is the white padded cell of a looney bin and all my ideas is the craziness that bounces off those walls:o)
It’s hard. It’s what I signed up for and I’m well aware of that. And it’s so cliché, but it’s true that you have no idea what you’re in for. I could have done things different. I could have stayed in NJ and finished school there and been done years ago. I could have finished school here before getting married and having a baby. But this is the path I’ve chosen and I do happen to like it. They all give me a different feeling of purpose and goals and that’s something to be positive about.
Sometimes I am sad and frustrated, though. At times I question whether I suffer from PPD. Then again, I look at my own personal history and my family history (especially in the females) and I wonder if I would be medically diagnosed with depression. Or some chemical imbalance. It’s hard not to think of these things. I read other women’s struggles with their emotions and I see we all seem to be on the same page. The real question is, “Am I crazy?” Which, I think we all know we’re not. I call it my emotional roller coaster that ends at a brick wall! I’m up one minute. Down the next. And then I don’t know what I’m feeling or how to describe it.
Communication is key. Simple solution. Hard task. I’m great at communcation happy, love, thankful. I’m not so great at communcating frustration, anxiety, sad, etc. I don’t know anyone who has mastered these skills, but regardless, I’m really bad at it. Like…I will let it eat at me until I explode. Not a pretty sight.
Shawn and I are both still learning (constant ongoing process) of how to parent and how to help one another. Attending school is going to be a HUGE test in our communcation because I will be around less (con!), but he will get a lot more time with Autumn (pro!). Him and I will be finding ourselves communcating in a totally different manner than we do now because our situation is changing and I will need to learn to adjust to this. I will also need to learn to “let go” on some issues and just relax.
I’m thankful that I have a best friend who I can talk to about anything! I mean really, ANYTHING. And she’s not just a shoulder to cry on. She’s honest and helpful and if I’m being dumb, she’ll tell me:o) She’s been my support throughout the years in regards to many issues and now we’ve added “being a mommy” to the list.
Overall, lately I’m feeling very overwhelmed. And it’s easy for that emotion to get away from me and take off for the “crazy cliff.” It’s important to keep a reign on these negative emotions. And the first step I’ve found myself taking is trying to figure out where it’s coming from. WHAT is going on right now that might be causing me to feel this way? And I have to look deeper than the “I’m just stressed” excuse. Right now my valid excuse is the anxiety I feel about school starting soon. There will be a lot of changes to my schedule, Autumn’s schedule, our household atmosphere and with that comes the feeling of guilt, pressure, happy, sad, etc. Once I know where/what the problem is I don’t try to make it go away. You feel how you feel and that isn’t going to necessarily go away. However, I can ease the feelings. I can talk about it. I can come up with chore lists and meal planning to help the transition in our household easier. I can set aside special time for my family to ease the guilt.
Some days are better than others. Some days will be great. Some days will suck. This is the life of all parents. This is what I…WE…have signed up for. But there’s no reason to let the emotions overrun us. There’s no reason to think we’re the only ones that feel like we’re crazy.
So…how do deal? How do you anchor and reign in your emotions when you feel out of control? If we’re all in this together, then we need to help each other. You don’t need to spill your guts (I’ve HARDLY touched the surface!), but it’s been very helpful reading other women’s struggles and knowing I’m not alone. And sometimes their ways of coping are useful in my everyday life, too.
These are lines that can be drawn. Boundaries I can choose to stay within or cross over at my own convenience.
But there are things I can’t help. Things like being a full-time mommy and wife, holding down a part-time job while being a part-time student. I can organize the activies of these persons, but I am just one person and therefore, these three have to coexist in one body. Which means all the separate emotions, daily stresses and ups and downs that come along with each “me” rattle around in my head and bounce into one another. It’s like my head is the white padded cell of a looney bin and all my ideas is the craziness that bounces off those walls:o)
It’s hard. It’s what I signed up for and I’m well aware of that. And it’s so cliché, but it’s true that you have no idea what you’re in for. I could have done things different. I could have stayed in NJ and finished school there and been done years ago. I could have finished school here before getting married and having a baby. But this is the path I’ve chosen and I do happen to like it. They all give me a different feeling of purpose and goals and that’s something to be positive about.
Sometimes I am sad and frustrated, though. At times I question whether I suffer from PPD. Then again, I look at my own personal history and my family history (especially in the females) and I wonder if I would be medically diagnosed with depression. Or some chemical imbalance. It’s hard not to think of these things. I read other women’s struggles with their emotions and I see we all seem to be on the same page. The real question is, “Am I crazy?” Which, I think we all know we’re not. I call it my emotional roller coaster that ends at a brick wall! I’m up one minute. Down the next. And then I don’t know what I’m feeling or how to describe it.
Communication is key. Simple solution. Hard task. I’m great at communcation happy, love, thankful. I’m not so great at communcating frustration, anxiety, sad, etc. I don’t know anyone who has mastered these skills, but regardless, I’m really bad at it. Like…I will let it eat at me until I explode. Not a pretty sight.
Shawn and I are both still learning (constant ongoing process) of how to parent and how to help one another. Attending school is going to be a HUGE test in our communcation because I will be around less (con!), but he will get a lot more time with Autumn (pro!). Him and I will be finding ourselves communcating in a totally different manner than we do now because our situation is changing and I will need to learn to adjust to this. I will also need to learn to “let go” on some issues and just relax.
I’m thankful that I have a best friend who I can talk to about anything! I mean really, ANYTHING. And she’s not just a shoulder to cry on. She’s honest and helpful and if I’m being dumb, she’ll tell me:o) She’s been my support throughout the years in regards to many issues and now we’ve added “being a mommy” to the list.
Overall, lately I’m feeling very overwhelmed. And it’s easy for that emotion to get away from me and take off for the “crazy cliff.” It’s important to keep a reign on these negative emotions. And the first step I’ve found myself taking is trying to figure out where it’s coming from. WHAT is going on right now that might be causing me to feel this way? And I have to look deeper than the “I’m just stressed” excuse. Right now my valid excuse is the anxiety I feel about school starting soon. There will be a lot of changes to my schedule, Autumn’s schedule, our household atmosphere and with that comes the feeling of guilt, pressure, happy, sad, etc. Once I know where/what the problem is I don’t try to make it go away. You feel how you feel and that isn’t going to necessarily go away. However, I can ease the feelings. I can talk about it. I can come up with chore lists and meal planning to help the transition in our household easier. I can set aside special time for my family to ease the guilt.
Some days are better than others. Some days will be great. Some days will suck. This is the life of all parents. This is what I…WE…have signed up for. But there’s no reason to let the emotions overrun us. There’s no reason to think we’re the only ones that feel like we’re crazy.
So…how do deal? How do you anchor and reign in your emotions when you feel out of control? If we’re all in this together, then we need to help each other. You don’t need to spill your guts (I’ve HARDLY touched the surface!), but it’s been very helpful reading other women’s struggles and knowing I’m not alone. And sometimes their ways of coping are useful in my everyday life, too.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Thankful Thursday
This Thursday I have a ton to be thankful for:o)
~Vacations. Nuff said!
~My best friend. Without her I'd probably be very lost in this world<3
~My best friend's family. They have always and will forever be my "home away from home." They love me and care for me as if I've always been their own and they truly are a blessing in my life. I am thankful for their hospitality this week (food, shelter, and hot tub!) and the joy they feel just for having us here. I do love them so much!
~My loving husband who, despite missing me and his little girl, understands the importance for me to just get away for a few days and relax. I'm sorry he couldn't make this trip with us, but I'm so proud of him for working so hard this week in this unbelievable weather to help support us.
~Days when my child seems to adore sleep.
~Double stuffed oreo cookies, doritos, and hot dogs with cheese;o)
I'm a happy girl this Thursday!
~Vacations. Nuff said!
~My best friend. Without her I'd probably be very lost in this world<3
~My best friend's family. They have always and will forever be my "home away from home." They love me and care for me as if I've always been their own and they truly are a blessing in my life. I am thankful for their hospitality this week (food, shelter, and hot tub!) and the joy they feel just for having us here. I do love them so much!
~My loving husband who, despite missing me and his little girl, understands the importance for me to just get away for a few days and relax. I'm sorry he couldn't make this trip with us, but I'm so proud of him for working so hard this week in this unbelievable weather to help support us.
~Days when my child seems to adore sleep.
~Double stuffed oreo cookies, doritos, and hot dogs with cheese;o)
I'm a happy girl this Thursday!
Monday, June 14, 2010
4 months
Autumn's check up last week went wonderfully. She is 13.4lbs and grew almost 2 inches in one month! She's now 25.75 inches tall! That's still 95% for her height! She's so strong and the doctor was so pleased with her progress...it seems everyday she's doing something new! Here are just a few things:
~She can take her paci out of her mouth and tries VERY hard to put it back in...she gets very close, but sometimes it's backwards. But this is a sure sign of fine motor skills at work!
~She rolls over from her back to her front. It has been caught on video! She is not rolling over from her belly to her back, but I think that's because she is trying to crawl so hard that she doesn't want to roll back over...what fun is it to lay on your back? Right?
~She watches Baby Einstein videos maybe once a day or once every other day. Her favorite right now is one that a friend bought us - it's the start of early language or something like that. Her favorite part is the sheep that go "baaaa baaa" and she actually gives tehm big smiles and tries to imitate them. It's HYSTERICAL to listen to!
~She has definitely found her voice and it's LOUD. Go figure. She just likes to babble and "talk" and she makes sure that she has your full attention.
~She has found her toes.
~She is very close to sitting up by herself. She pulls her body to the upright position by herself, but she can't keep herself balanced.
~She has gone to the pool and really enjoyed it!
~She's starting to fight sleep. This is annoying. She does not take long naps during the day usually, but she's still sleeping pretty good throughout the night.
~No teeth, but she's still teething and drooling hardcore.
~She reaches for things and can pick up some of her toys. I find this to be totally awesome and I love giving her new things to play with.
~She can take her paci out of her mouth and tries VERY hard to put it back in...she gets very close, but sometimes it's backwards. But this is a sure sign of fine motor skills at work!
~She rolls over from her back to her front. It has been caught on video! She is not rolling over from her belly to her back, but I think that's because she is trying to crawl so hard that she doesn't want to roll back over...what fun is it to lay on your back? Right?
~She watches Baby Einstein videos maybe once a day or once every other day. Her favorite right now is one that a friend bought us - it's the start of early language or something like that. Her favorite part is the sheep that go "baaaa baaa" and she actually gives tehm big smiles and tries to imitate them. It's HYSTERICAL to listen to!
~She has definitely found her voice and it's LOUD. Go figure. She just likes to babble and "talk" and she makes sure that she has your full attention.
~She has found her toes.
~She is very close to sitting up by herself. She pulls her body to the upright position by herself, but she can't keep herself balanced.
~She has gone to the pool and really enjoyed it!
~She's starting to fight sleep. This is annoying. She does not take long naps during the day usually, but she's still sleeping pretty good throughout the night.
~No teeth, but she's still teething and drooling hardcore.
~She reaches for things and can pick up some of her toys. I find this to be totally awesome and I love giving her new things to play with.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
My baby...NOT my burden!
I just feel so blessed that I thought I should share. Yesterday afternoon (early evening) I went out to see a movie with a friend and we took Autumn along! Yes, you read correctly, I took a 3 1/2 month old to the movie theater and she did wonderfully! She was awake for the first 30 mins of previews and the intro to the movie, then she ate (breastfeeding in a movie theater? CHECK!) and then she napped...through the whole movie!
I noticed other young children there. In fact, a couple behind us had a 3 yr old - I turned around to reassure them that I generally have a good baby when out in public, so they shouldn't hear so much as a peep out of her. They didn't care! They said, "We have a 3 year old, we understand!" I thought about this whole scenario later in the evening.
We went to see "Alice in Wonderland" which is NOT a young children's movie this time around. Yet there were several adults there to see it who had brought their young children. GOOD FOR THEM! These parents were obviously out to see the movies themselves. Sure...a 3 yr old would see a talking white bunny rabbit, a man that can be familiarized with a clown (Johnny Depp....swoon!), and a pretty cool looking dragon! BUT, the movie was geared towards older children and adults and that's who was there to truly see the movie. But did that stop parents from bringing their kids out? NOPE! (NOTE: I do not generally condone children viewing adult movies, UNLESS they are young enough to not grasp the adult themes and they still get something fun out of it - hence, the cute white rabbit with the pocket watch or even the talking dog that were characters in AIW)
Anyway, my whole point is...I needed an afternoon away...but NOT away from my baby. I may need a night out...but NOT without my baby. Having a baby has NOT changed what Shawn and I do, but how we do it. From the basic things like grocery shopping or the more complex things like going out to dinner or the movies...I can BRING my baby. I don't need someone to come over, so I can explain in detail my child's routine and leave them for hours at a time. I don't need an extended break from my little girl. Do I sometimes need 30 mins to myself? Sure. And when that happens I ask her Daddy to take over and spend some quality time with her. Because that is who she needs...US! She gets plenty of social exposure, so I'm certainly not smothering my child or afraid to expose her to society, but she doesn't need to be in anyone else's care for extended amounts of time just because I feel like getting out. (NOTE: This is totally NOT against anyone who works during the week and has to send their children to daycare...obviously, you have a family to take care of and those are necessary sacrifices!)
Will the day come when Shawn and I go out on a date alone? Yes. But not right now. She's 3 1/2 months old! I like the fact that she needs me to be around every few hours for a feeding. I ENJOY that. Being there for her need is not a chore. I take so much pride in the fact that when we go for her checkups they tell me her weight gain is fine and I'm doing a GREAT job. This tells me that her and I are in tune with one another and that we're working together to help her grow up strong and healthy. I'm more than her food source, I'm her LIFE source. Now, everyone makes their own choices when it comes to breastfeeding/bottlefeeding and to each his own - I support every woman who makes the decision for herself based on what is best for her situation - but personally, I love it! It makes me feel great as a Mommy. The reward is priceless:o)
Anyway, the whole point to writing this is...my baby is not a burden. I may look at the clock at 530am and dread getting out of bed, but the second I see her smiling face in the crib and hold her in my arms as I feed her...I am in heaven. I treasure each and every day because I know they will not last forever. And right now, in this moment, I am not ready to leave her behind so that I may enjoy my own moments. She IS my joy, she IS my moment. She is not my tag along or the third wheel...she is my baby that I feel blessed enough to take with me when I experience fun of life. My moments are better because she is there with me.
I noticed other young children there. In fact, a couple behind us had a 3 yr old - I turned around to reassure them that I generally have a good baby when out in public, so they shouldn't hear so much as a peep out of her. They didn't care! They said, "We have a 3 year old, we understand!" I thought about this whole scenario later in the evening.
We went to see "Alice in Wonderland" which is NOT a young children's movie this time around. Yet there were several adults there to see it who had brought their young children. GOOD FOR THEM! These parents were obviously out to see the movies themselves. Sure...a 3 yr old would see a talking white bunny rabbit, a man that can be familiarized with a clown (Johnny Depp....swoon!), and a pretty cool looking dragon! BUT, the movie was geared towards older children and adults and that's who was there to truly see the movie. But did that stop parents from bringing their kids out? NOPE! (NOTE: I do not generally condone children viewing adult movies, UNLESS they are young enough to not grasp the adult themes and they still get something fun out of it - hence, the cute white rabbit with the pocket watch or even the talking dog that were characters in AIW)
Anyway, my whole point is...I needed an afternoon away...but NOT away from my baby. I may need a night out...but NOT without my baby. Having a baby has NOT changed what Shawn and I do, but how we do it. From the basic things like grocery shopping or the more complex things like going out to dinner or the movies...I can BRING my baby. I don't need someone to come over, so I can explain in detail my child's routine and leave them for hours at a time. I don't need an extended break from my little girl. Do I sometimes need 30 mins to myself? Sure. And when that happens I ask her Daddy to take over and spend some quality time with her. Because that is who she needs...US! She gets plenty of social exposure, so I'm certainly not smothering my child or afraid to expose her to society, but she doesn't need to be in anyone else's care for extended amounts of time just because I feel like getting out. (NOTE: This is totally NOT against anyone who works during the week and has to send their children to daycare...obviously, you have a family to take care of and those are necessary sacrifices!)
Will the day come when Shawn and I go out on a date alone? Yes. But not right now. She's 3 1/2 months old! I like the fact that she needs me to be around every few hours for a feeding. I ENJOY that. Being there for her need is not a chore. I take so much pride in the fact that when we go for her checkups they tell me her weight gain is fine and I'm doing a GREAT job. This tells me that her and I are in tune with one another and that we're working together to help her grow up strong and healthy. I'm more than her food source, I'm her LIFE source. Now, everyone makes their own choices when it comes to breastfeeding/bottlefeeding and to each his own - I support every woman who makes the decision for herself based on what is best for her situation - but personally, I love it! It makes me feel great as a Mommy. The reward is priceless:o)
Anyway, the whole point to writing this is...my baby is not a burden. I may look at the clock at 530am and dread getting out of bed, but the second I see her smiling face in the crib and hold her in my arms as I feed her...I am in heaven. I treasure each and every day because I know they will not last forever. And right now, in this moment, I am not ready to leave her behind so that I may enjoy my own moments. She IS my joy, she IS my moment. She is not my tag along or the third wheel...she is my baby that I feel blessed enough to take with me when I experience fun of life. My moments are better because she is there with me.
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